Jimmy Two Shoes: The Pilot
by DarkRoseBlast
Summary: This is a story based heavily on the original premise of the cartoon Jimmy Two-Shoes, before its premise and characters were changed to meet a much more 'kid-friendly' audience.
1. Paradise in Suburbia

Hey there, I figured a little background on the original premise of Jimmy Two-Shoes would help before I start the story. Leaked production art and screencaps, as well as confirmation from the show's co-creator, Edward Kay, has basically painted a pretty straightforward picture of what the pilot (which has yet to be released) and original idea of the show was going to be like. It involved Jimmy, a nice, happy-go-lucky teenager from an ideal white-picket fence neighborhood, getting hit by a bus and descending into Hell via an administrative error at whatever office is in charge of dealing out a person's final destination in the afterlife. The characters were also different as well: Lucius was originally named Lucifer, the fallen angel of death, and Heloise was in fact a serial killer hired by Lucius (Lucifer) to make Jimmy miserable.

Some of the JTS characters I'm including in this story are not in fact original concept characters, but because the story would seem a tad unfulfilled without them I decided it wouldn't be the end of the world if I put them in. Edward Kay has now also confirmed that the original pilot for the show is only a mere 8 minutes in length, meaning obviously that many details and events happening in this story are based mainly on an imaginative whim in order to create a less brief adventure.

**Disclaimer: Jimmy Two-Shoes belongs to Edward Kay & Sean Scott**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Jimmy Two-Shoes: The Pilot<em>**

Chapter 1

_Paradise in Suburbia_

Today was like no other. The sun shone through the trees with an extra flare. The flowers were just coming out of their buds. The breeze was fluttering around, warm and gentle. The clouds seemed to smile down on all the people in the city. And nobody was enjoying it more than Jimmy.

Walking down the street, the quirky, perpetually optimistic teenage boy glowed with enthusiasm. There was always an extra spring in his step. He even tried to whistle along with the birds, but everyone knew he couldn't whistle. Nobody knew why.

The tall, extremely skinny blond boy was wearing his favorite stripped green shirt, jeans, and black and white Converse®. He smiled and walked along the sidewalk, passing by the row of white, cozy houses that made up his neighborhood. This was truly paradise.

"Man, what a great day!" He ecstatically proclaimed to himself.

The boy couldn't be happier. For some reason he always saw the bright side of things. He never saw the glass half-empty. "I just wish I had something to drink though."

It was fairly hot, and lemonade stands were hard to come by. Jimmy just shrugged. "I'll just go downtown. There's got to be a hundred drink stands there."

Now all he needed was some transportation. "Hmm, no bike. And not enough money for a taxi…"

He thought about borrowing his neighbor's car again, but we all know how_ that_ ended. Then he got it. "Well taking the bus could be fun."

He reached into his pocket to check how much money he had and pulled out several coins and a dollar bill. "Ok let's see… that's $1.00 and 25, 50, 60, 65, 75."

$1.75; enough for the bus but about a quarter short for any chance of lemonade. "Oh well, maybe I'll get lucky on the way."

He strolled along the sidewalk without a care in the world. He could already taste that sweet, sweet le-mon-ade. Something about today gave him a feeling. He didn't know what it was but he could tell it was going to be something great.

Without warning, dozens of police cars whizzed by him, sirens blaring. He didn't even hear them coming. "Oh man, I hope everything's ok."

He was slightly concerned, but he wasn't going to let something like that bring him down. He kept on strolling, looking around as he walked. He then noticed a police helicopter whirling around in the corner of his eye. "Ahehe… I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Some cat probably got stuck in a tree somewhere."

Now he was walking a little faster, taking bigger steps in order to reach the bus stop quicker.

_**BANG! BANG!**_ Was that… gunfire? Jimmy couldn't exactly tell; he'd never heard_ real_ gunfire before. Only on his favorite videogames.

Whether it was real or not, he bolted. Running through the neighborhood at lightning speed, he just wanted to get his le-mon-ade as quickly as possible and then get home.

"Oh man, what if the city's being invaded by aliens? Or zombie-aliens? Or zombie mutant mole ali-"**_ BAM! _**Jimmy crashed right into the bus stop sign and landed hard on the sidewalk. "OoOoooOh I can see starrsss." He giggled with disorientation.

"Young man, are you alright?" There was an old woman already waiting at the stop. "That was some accident you had."

"Ooooh, I mean yeah I'm fine." He blinked the stars out of his eyes and got up quickly. He hoped the old lady was the only one who saw that. Then he looked up and saw the sign. Finally, he made it.

"Gonna get some le-mon-nade. Gonna get some le-mon-ade." He sang to himself. Just then he remembered.

"Say Miss. You wouldn't happen to have an extra quarter I could borrow would you?" Jimmy asked with a wide smile.

"Hmm well let's see here." The lady took out her coin purse and started looking around. "Well here's my coupon book, my emergency sewing needles, my receipts, and oh pictures of my grandkids; aren't they just adorable?"

Jimmy tried to keep a straight smile. He wanted to laugh so badly; her grandkids all looked like chubby Oompa Lumpas.

"Sorry young man, it seems I don't have any extra change."

Jimmy was a tad disappointed, but still too optimistic to get down. "Oh well, that's ok. Thanks anyway."

The bus seemed to be taking a long time. Jimmy tapped his feet against the concrete sidewalk and hummed to make the wait less boring. He looked at his wrist to check the time.

"Man, I really need to get a watch one of these days." He said as he stared onto his bare wrist. Suddenly, something caught his eye in front of him. There in the middle of the road, something sparkled in the sunlight. He leaned over and squinted his eyes to get a better look.

"Is that... YES! It is!" A bright, shiny quarter lying right in the middle of the street, just waiting for someone to take it. "Today must be my lucky day." He beamed.

Jimmy was about to run right out into the street when he stopped dead at the edge of the curb and slapped his forehead. "Oops, I almost forgot." He then looked to the left and right of the street, to make sure no cars were coming. "Safety first!" He grinned. _Then_ he ran right out into the middle of the street towards the coin. He bent over carefully to pick it up and then examined it. A 1966 quarter, and it was_ still_ shiny.

"Wow, I must be really lucky." He said as he flipped the coin in the air and into his pocket. Then he realized he was still standing in the middle of the street. "I should probably get back over before I get hu- _OOMPH_."

Someone ran right into him. He fell over on the pavement and rubbed his head. He was kind of used to getting accidentally hurt by now. He looked over to see who he collided with and apologize to the person.

It was a little girl, or at least she looked really young. She had dirty peach skin, messy dirty-blond hair tied in a pony-tail and cold, icy blue eyes. She also wore a long, stained maroon gown that covered her entire body; all you could see were her head and hands. And from what Jimmy could tell, she was out of breath and royally miffed.

"HEY!_ *pant*_ WATCH WHERE _*pant*_ YOU'RE GOING!" She tried to maintain an angry frown, even though she was tired and out of breath.

"Sorry, I didn't see you coming. I was just trying to get this awesome quarter I saw." He held it up to show her, but she maintained her frown.

"You're lucky I'm in a hurry buster!" she panted, looking around frantically, "Or I would so murde-".

She was cut off by the sound of blaring police sirens coming from around the block.

"OH NO! Don't let them catch me. Please!" She tried her best to fashion the cutest, saddest puppy dog eyes she could. "They've got the wrong suspect. I'm innocent!"

Now Jimmy was pretty naïve, and he had a particular weakness for cute puppy dog eyes. "Sure I'll help you out." He got up, dusted himself off, and pointed to the back of his shirt. "You can hide in here."

The girl looked at him with an annoyed, puzzled expression._ "Oh well,"_ she thought, _"beggars can't be choosers."_ She climbed into his shirt and held onto his back tightly. Just then, a squad car pulled up and stopped right beside Jimmy.

"Excuse me son," the officer said as he rolled down his window, "have you seen a small girl running around anywhere? About yay-high with a red dress on?" The officer gestured with his hands to show the fugitives height; about the exact same height as the girl Jimmy was hiding.

The girl bit her lip underneath Jimmy's shirt. _"A red DRESS?"_ She angrily thought. _"It's a GOWN, not a dress!" _She didn't like the idea of being called a girly-girl. She was tough and mean. She wanted to kill that guy, but then she might get caught.

"Uh, umm, no sorry. Haven't seen her." Jimmy hurriedly said. He tried not to look nervous, even though he was sweating and his eye was twitching. He had never lied to the police before. He just wanted to help this poor little girl out.

"Well if you do…" the officer said sternly as he pulled down his shades, "make sure that you contact us _right away_. She's extremely dangerous. She's already killed seven people in mid-town. We've been trying to catch her for months."

The girl giggled underneath Jimmy's shirt. She took her description of being murderous and elusive as a compliment.

"Did you say something son? I thought I heard something."

Jimmy nearly panicked. "Uh no officer, that was just my stomach. I'm so thirst- I MEAN HUNGRY! Yeah that's it. Hungry! Ahehehe…" He was so nervous. He wished the officer would just go.

"Well alright son, take care. Oh and before I forget. You really shouldn't be standing here in the middle of the road. It's dangerous."

Jimmy had completely forgotten he was still in the middle of the street. "Oh uh yes sir. I'll be sure to move right away."

"Oh and one more thing. Be sure to get that hunchback taken care of." The officer pulled his shades back up and rolled up his window as he drove away.

Jimmy wiped his forehead. "Phew! That was close. Alright, the coast is clear!"

The girl climbed out of his shirt and looked around again. Things did seem to be calm. "Thanks… I guess." She looked at him suspiciously. She couldn't tell if he was just really nice or really stupid.

"Well, if you're not doing anything right now, do you want to come with me to get some le-mon-ade? I was just going into the city to get some." Jimmy asked with a wide grin.

_"Back into the city? No way."_ She thought. She had been spending all night and morning just trying to escape from there. "Um, no thanks. I think I'll just head off by mysel-" **_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!_**

They both turned around frantically. They could see what looked like a bus barreling right toward them. They were still in the middle of the road. You'd think they'd have moved by now?

"Oh hey there's the bus. Hurry or we'll miss it." Jimmy said eagerly as he tugged her gown.

"Are you CRAZY? Let go of me! He's coming right for us!" She tried to get loose from his grip but he held on, not paying attention. He was so excited for the lemonade that he didn't even realize the bus wasn't slowing down.

"Yooouuu whooooo! Over here Mr. Bus Driver! Me and my friend are gonna get some le-mon-ade!" Jimmy started singing as he pulled the girl toward the oncoming bus. "Gonna get some le-mon-ade! Gonna get some le-mon-ade!"

**_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!_** The driver's head seemed to be slouched down on the horn. The bus was rocketing right toward them.

"Let GO! LET GO!" She screamed, trying to pull away. "It's going to hi-" **_THUD_**

The bus zoomed right into them and kept on going at high speed. The old lady at the bus stop had her eyes wide open with terror and her jaw wide open with disbelief.


	2. Going With A Boom

Hey, as you're probably going to infer from reading this chapter, I've based a good chunk of the Purgatory scene from another fanfic based on the JTS pilot concept. **The LeagueOfExtraordinaryMorons**, in his unfinished JTS fanfic **_Jimmy Two-Shoes: The Pilot Series_**, had a great scene detailing Jimmy in the office setting of whatever organization is in charge of dealing out a person's final outcome in the afterlife, and where the administrative-error sending him to Hell takes place. His scene really influenced this chapter, so yes you are going to see a lot of similarities; but I assure you it is from the sincerest form of flattery.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 2<span>

_Going With A Boom_

Jimmy had no idea what had happened. _"Ouch, my head is killing me."_ He thought.

For some reason he couldn't move his mouth. Or his arms. He had trouble opening his eyes too. He tried to get up as best he could, even when both his legs burned with pain. When he got to his feet, Jimmy tried to force open his eyes so he could see.

"_Ow, ow, ow, ow." _It was really tough to get them open. He finally managed to open one slightly and squinted to minimize the pain. For some reason everything seemed to dangle back and forth.

He could make out some sort of room. He definitely wasn't on the road anymore. Everything was really blurry. His entire body was screaming with pain.

"_Where am I?"_ He wondered. He wanted to ask aloud but his mouth just wouldn't open.

Finally after squinted around the room, he made out what looked like a mirror. He hobbled toward it, as much as his legs could carry him and checked himself.

His entire face was bashed in with one of his eyes missing from his head; the other squeezed out of the socket and dangling from his face. His nose and jaw were squished and flattened to the point where no one would be able to recognize him. He couldn't even feel his mouth but from what he saw, many of his teeth were probably missing. He also made out the heavy amount of blood soaked onto his face as well. He couldn't see the rest of his body, but he guessed it was also in equally bad shape.

"_What am I gonna do?"_ He thought panicking. There was no way he could make it to a hospital— not with his banged up legs— but he really didn't want to die either. He tried to spot anyone else in the room who could help him when suddenly he heard a loud _**POP**. _He closed his _eye _by instinct and tried to crouch down. But he then realized something.

"Hey! My body doesn't hurt anymore!" He said aloud excitedly. "Hey, I can speak again! WOOHOO!"

He turned back toward the mirror, which he could see himself in crystal clear now. His head was back to normal, and his eyes and teeth were all back on his face. His arms and legs didn't burn with pain anymore and his face was no longer coated with blood.

"Awesome!" He said elatedly, dancing and smiling around.

"_Shhhhhh_ young man. There are other people here you know."

He turned around and saw a receptionist behind a window. He was in some sort of waiting room. There were other people there— a big crowd in fact— all waiting. He walked up to the receptionist's booth.

"Uh excuse me ma'am. Could you tell me where I am? The last thing I remember is trying to get some le-mon-ade and then I woke up here. And oh yeah," Jimmy remembered, "my friend was with me too."

The receptionist sighed, still typing on her computer. "Here kid, take this." She gave him a pamphlet and a number card. "Come back up here when your number is called out."

"Thank you." Jimmy took the papers and found somewhere to sit. He glanced at the number card. _#20,728,653,688._

"Yikes, I hope all those people aren't ahead of me right now." Jimmy said to himself. He looked around the room. There couldn't have been more than 200 people in the crowd. He sighed with relief and then looked at the pamphlet. _Your Guide to the Afterlife._

"_The _afterlife?__" Jimmy thought. That was weird. Why would he need to know about the afterlife? He shrugged and flipped to the pamphlet's first page: _Acceptance._

_Hello and welcome to Purgatory! If you're reading this, then you have experienced the inevitable stage of life called death-_

"**_DEATH?_**" Jimmy's eyes flashed open widely; he couldn't believe what he had read. There was no way he could be dead. He was alive and kicking. He felt great.

_We know you're probably scared and intimidated by the thought of death but please understand that everyone goes through it. The important thing right now is to accept it and move on. If you have doubts about your demise, we suggest holding your hand up to your heart to check._

Jimmy raised his hand to his chest and waited. Nothing. He couldn't feel a thing. No heartbeat, no pulse, no nothing. He pressed harder. He didn't want to believe he was really dead, but he couldn't feel anything beating in his chest. He was on the brink of tears.

_We know this is a difficult time for you. You probably had loved ones still alive or dreams still left unaccomplished, but the wonderful thing about death is that your life hasn't ended yet. Even in the afterlife, you're still free to do anything you want._

Jimmy's tears dried up in his tear ducts and he felt a relieved smile creep onto his face. He flipped to the next page: _Judgment._

_Now that you have accepted your demise, it is time to start reflecting. The choices you've made in life will determine whether you are sent to Heaven or Hell. When your number is called and you move toward the reception booth, the operator will pull up your file and review the history of your time on Earth. Don't worry about any mistakes or bias on the part of the operator though; your file is judged by a bug-proof system wired throughout Heaven, Purgatory, and Hell. It is absolutely fool-proof and secure. Your judgment will be fair and 100% accurate._

Jimmy's worried smile turned into a bright grin. There was no way he could ever be sent to Hell. From what he remembered, he was really good throughout his life. He never hurt anyone or committed any crimes. He liked to help people and make friends. He glanced at the final page: _Helpful Advice & Tips._

_1. If you think that your death was unfair and untimely, we sympathize with your feelings, but unfortunately your death is irreversible and nonnegotiable._

_2. Haggling or trying to choose where you will be staying in the afterlife will not work. The judgment of souls is handled by a celestial electronic system; not by people._

_3. Keep in mind you will not be able to contact your living friends and family now that you are deceased. Contact between Heaven and Hell is also prohibited._

_4. Your personal religion choice has absolutely nothing to do with your judgment process. There is no need to worry about your personal beliefs messing up your chances of getting into Heaven._

_5. Wherever you end up: Heaven or Hell, remember to keep your head up. Life's what you make of it. Same goes for the afterlife._

This made Jimmy smile, ear to ear. He liked that advice. _Life's what you make of it._ Suddenly he heard a ding and looked up. There, across an electronic banner sign read the numbers 20,728,653,688.

"Guess I'm up next." Jimmy announced. He skipped back to the receptionist booth and gave the lady his number card.

"Alright Mr. uhhh James-." She squinted and leaned in toward her computer monitor. "James… Huh, that's funny. I'm not seeing a last name here. You have a last name kid?"

"Of course I have a last name." Jimmy giggled, "It's… it's a… ummm…"

He couldn't remember! His mind was a complete blank. _More_ blank than usual. He tapped on his head, trying to remember, but it just wouldn't come to him. "I uh, don't think I can remember it." He laughed embarrassedly.

"Don't worry kid; we see this all the time." The receptionist pointed to the monitor. "Says here your cause of death was getting hit by a bus. People who end up dying from painful crashes often get their heads smashed up and can't remember much about their past."

"Dead from getting hit by a bus…?" Then it hit him. He remembered walking with that girl to the bus and then, nothing; then he woke up here. "Oh. I guess that's how I died." He looked down on the floor, a little sad. But then he grinned. "Oh well. Nothing I can do about that now. Besides I can still have fun in the afterlife." He clutched the pamphlet with enthusiasm.

Her eyes rolled. "If I had a nickel for every… oh well. Let's just get go ahead with your judgment young man." She pressed a few buttons and something seemed to be loading on the monitor. The receptionist took a few sips of her coffee. "Relax kid, it just needs a few seconds."

When it was finished loading the receptionist turned the monitor back to her and read the results. "Well let's see her- _Oh my…"_

Her calm, tired demeanor was replaced with wide eyed shock and disgust. This kid's list of sins was longer than the bags under her tired eyes. Manslaughters, murders, assaults, statuary rapes, batteries, extortions, trafficking, drug use, greed, lust, gluttony, vanity, wrath, sloth, pride, envy; the whole 9 yards. This kid was the walking embodiment of evil.

She took her shocked eyes up from monitor and aimed them at the boy. Jimmy was staring at her with his trademark goofy smile and bright eyes. It seemed he didn't notice the horror on her face.

"Is there something wrong?" He asked with a smile. He wasn't very good at reading body language.

"Oh uh, everything's fine young man." The receptionist squeezed out a nervous smile. This wasn't the first time she had dealt with someone so evil, but this kid was so young! Only 14 years old! "Well the results came back. You'll need to go down that hall, take the first right, and go through the 3rd door."

"Soooo does that mean I passed?" He asked eagerly.

The receptionist continued to smile nervously at the boy. "Yeah kid… you passed."

"Awesome!" His smile widened. He was ready to run toward the hallway when he stopped and slapped his forehead. "Oh I almost forgot! That girl!" He turned back and went to the receptionist, who was scared out of her wits. "Sorry to bother you again but there was a girl who was with me when I, you know, died. Do you know what happened to her?"

The receptionist nervously pulled up her keyboard and started searching. "Uh… yes! Here we go. It says here she died as well. She should be in the waiting room somewhere, but unfortunately you'll have to move on to the hallway now."

She wanted to get the kid out of there as quickly as possible. She wondered if the boy had purposely pulled the girl in front of the bus. _"With a rap sheet this long, I wouldn't be surprised."_ She thought.

Jimmy squinted his eyes and looked into the crowd of people. He didn't see the girl and the receptionist was trying to get him to _move on_.

"Oh well, I'm sure I'll see her later. There's no way she could go to Hell. She was way too small and nice." Jimmy assured himself.

He took off toward the hallway and the receptionist breathed a sigh of relief. "Glad _he's_ gone. Well, good luck to him… I guess. He'll definitely need it." The receptionist then went back to her coffee and called the next person up.

Jimmy ran down the hallway and then slowed down to look around. There were hundreds of doors, but thank goodness his was nearby. While he was walking, he wondered if they had lemonade in Heaven. He really wanted to treat that girl to some —to make up for killing her.

The 3rd door after taking the first right down the hallway looked like all the other doors. Shiny wooden brown, carved with indents, and a gleaming brass doorknob. "Ooooh so shiny." Jimmy could even see his reflection in it. "Still handsome." He beamed, smoothing his blond cowlick back and smiling.

He hunched over and reached for the doorknob. The instant he touched it, the floor opened up underneath him. He plunged downward; the sound of his voice cut off from the echoing hallway the moment the floor closed back up again.


	3. Welcome to Miseryville

Just a note of reference: In the original pilot concept, Jimmy's outfit consisted of a grey shirt, brown slacks, brown shoes, and a black bow-tie; instead of the green striped shirt, jeans, and sneakers he currently wears in the show. Similarly, Lucifer (Lucius) originally wore a brown suit; as opposed to the grey one he wears in the current series.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 3<span>

_Welcome to Miseryville_

Before Jimmy knew what had happened, he was falling. Plummeting into darkness; he couldn't see a thing, but he could feel his body gaining speed. Normally any person would be screaming his head off in terror right about now, but not Jimmy.

"WEEEEEEEEEEE! THIS. IS. AWESOME!" He shouted with joy as he plummeted faster and faster into the darkness. He tried doing tricks like flipping forwards and backwards and then dancing in midair.

"Huh, I wonder what that is?" Jimmy suddenly asked aloud. He had spotted a small light as he was falling. He tried to make it out in the complete darkness. "It looks round." It was getting bigger and bigger. Finally, after falling a ways down, he was able to recognize it.

It was a planet. "Awesome" was the only word that came to his mind. His eyes grew wider with amazement. The colossal planet was blue with strips of gray and white. He'd never seen a planet so close up before.

He was still falling, faster and faster. It wasn't quite as dark now, with several planets of all different colors now surrounding him. Stars off in the distance illuminated space.

"Whoaaaaa, pretty." He sounded in amazement. The average person would probably be questioning just how he was able to talk and breathe in space, but not Jimmy. He gawked in amazement; space was so beautiful. He looked back up to see if he could spot where he had fallen, but he just saw more space reaching out into infinity.

He then started to feel really warm again. In fact blazing hot. He looked onto his arm.

"Yep, that's fire alright." He stated calmly. He wasn't really quick to realize things. It took a few more seconds for him to realize that he was engulfed in flames, hurtling down at speeds of +300 km/s.

He couldn't make out what was in front of him anymore. The flames had completely overtaken his body. "OW OW OW OW OUCH!" He sounded in pain as he tried to blow the inferno out. His skin was scalding with fire and his clothes were burning off. _**CRASH!**_

Jimmy's next conscious moment was spent buried under concrete. He quickly leaped out from the crater his crash had made and started rolling on the floor, trying to put out the raging fire overtaking his body. "STOP, DROP, AND ROLL!"

Suddenly, gushing bursts of water came from all around him. They sprayed him until all the flames engulfing his body were extinguished. Soaking wet, Jimmy shook himself off and looked around. He was in some sort of large, open walkway. He looked down and saw the fairly impressive crater his crash had left. He also noticed something else too.

"I'M NAKED!" Jimmy shrieked as he quickly covered his _youknowwhats_. "Oh man, this is so embarrassing!"

He frantically looked around. There were other people there too, being sprayed with hoses and even ones just crashing down into the floor. They were all naked too.

"Phew, what a relief." He sounded as he pulled his hands from over his _youknowwhats. _Suddenly, Jimmy felt a violent tap on his shoulder from behind. He turned around and grew wide eyed.

It was some sort of _monster_. He… she… _IT_ was big, blobby, and purple with four eyes and large boils covering its body. "Here, you'll need this. They're standard issue for _new meat._" It handed him a folded pile of clothes and a pair of shoes.

Jimmy could tell from the monster's voice that it was a woman. "Gee, thanks." He was grateful for the clothes, what with being stark naked and all.

He got into them right away. It was a grey shirt and brown pants, complete with a black bowtie. His shoes were a shining brown businessman's footwear. Jimmy didn't have a mirror, but he knew he was lookin' good.

The boy stood there looking quite pleased with his outfit. The purple monster rolled her eyes and pointed further down the walkway. "Down that walkway, stay straight on the path."

"Wait, where exactly am I?" Jimmy asked confusedly. This didn't exactly look like Heaven, at least from what he imagined it would look like. The monster ignored him and kept gesturing toward the end of the walkway.

"Please sir, all your questions will be answered when you continue down this walkway." She was starting to get a tad annoyed. Newbies could be really irritating at times.

"Ok… Thanks anyway."

Jimmy slowly started making his way down the walkway. He looked around and saw dozens of other monsters helping out people just arriving. He didn't want to judge them based on their looks, but the monsters didn't seem too welcoming.

With almost no time to react, a giant television screen came down from a compartment in the ceiling; Jimmy nearly walked right into it. The monitor flashed on and there stood a small, old-looking hunchbacked green troll in a grey suit.

"_Welcome souls of the damned!" _The troll spoke with a delicate lisp._ "If you're wondering where you are, wonder no more. You are currently located in none other than the capital city of Hell. MISERYVILLE!"_

Jimmy's jaw dropped. _HELL?_ He couldn't believe it. "B-b-but this must be some mistake! I don't belong here. I'm a good guy!" He sniffled, fighting back tears.

"_It's no mistake!"_ The troll seemed to be talking directly to Jimmy. _"You've been selected to come to Hell based on your time on Earth. Only the guilty get dropped down here. We suggest using the next few minutes to enjoy yourself, 'cause when you walk out of here… HOOOOO BOY!" _The troll chuckled sinisterly. _"And now a few words from your new overlord, Lucifer Heinous the Seventh!"_

The screen cut away to a short, bald, red devil creature wearing a brown suit jacket with brown pants, brown shoes and a black tie. He had two short, stubby horns growing on his head, and a long red nose extending from his face. His look was cold and malevolent.

"_Greetings you worthless slugs. I am Lucifer Heinous the Seventh! I am your new overlord, your master, your king, your ruler, your EVERYTHING!" _He grinned devilishly. _"As you are aware, you are now stuck here in Hell for ETERNITY!_ So e_njoy your stay and let me be the first to officially welcome you to your __**ETERNAL DAMNATION**__! HAHAHAHAHAHA-"_

The video monitor cut the red devil's diabolical laughter short and promptly went back up into the ceiling. Jimmy started to smile and giggle. That small monster's laughter had brightened his mood. He wiped the tear droplets from his eyes and lifted his head.

"So… Miseryville huh?" He smiled as he neared the end of the walkway and came to a staircase. "Sounds like a fun place. And that red guy made it sound so cool!"

Jimmy was grinning ear to ear as he walked down the staircase and burst out into the entrance of the city.

"Miseryville, here I COME!" Jimmy shouted as he jumped up eagerly with an enthusiastic fist thrust up into the air. This was the beginning of his new life, and it already seemed like it was going to be great.


	4. Home Sweet Home

Haha, okay so I kind of cheated. I know this is supposed to be a story based on the pilot, but I used a little tidbit of info from Season 2 of the show to fill in a gap. In "**The Clean Sneak"**, Jimmy revealed his address as 26 Misery Street. I know there's no way the pilot would have this little fact, but I thought it would be nice if I could use an actual address for his house.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 4<span>

_Home Sweet Home_

Jimmy walked around, taking in the sights. It seemed the walkway's staircase had dropped him right in the center of Miseryville's downtown area. There were monsters everywhere. In fact, he couldn't see any humans at all.

"Gee, I wish I knew where to go."

He looked around past the busy looking crowds of monsters and saw a booth. _Information Center._

He ran down the street and up to the front. No one was stationed in the booth, but there were loads of maps and pamphlets. He grabbed a handful and opened one of the pamphlets: _Welcome to Miseryville._

_Hello and welcome to Miseryville! You have been unfortunate enough to land in the most hellish spot in the entire universe. For the rest of your eternal life, you can expect worry, pain, anguish, suffering, and misery. If you are not sure how to start your new life here, flip to page 7._

Jimmy flipped through the pamphlet, eager to begin his new life.

_The first step to your new life is securing a home. There are apartments all over the city, but normally only people with stable jobs and income can afford them. _

Jimmy fumbled through his pocket and took out all his money_. "_$2.00. That isn't much." He said, momentarily losing his smile. He looked back up in the pamphlet.

_If you don't have any previous job experience and not a lot of money, then getting a house in the suburbs will be the next best thing. They still cost money, but you don't have to pay rent every month and you have an eternity to pay off the debt._

That sounded great to Jimmy. It could be just like his old suburban home back on Earth. He unfolded one of the maps and took a look. He was in the middle of downtown Miseryville, and he needed to go up north toward the suburbs. Jimmy turned his head northward.

The first thing he saw, overlooking the entire city, was a monstrously huge factory with a tall, menacing concrete fence surrounding it and a large dome at its center. The dome appeared to look like a monster's face, with three circular window 'eyes' and a series of long connecting windows at the entrance in the shape of sharp teeth. It had six pillars, 3 in each side of the dome, shooting up smoke and flames, blackening the sky with smog.

"Whoa, awesome." He gawked with amazement. He had never seen a place that big before. To the average citizen of Miseryville, that menacing building brought fear and trouble. But not Jimmy. It attracted him like a moth to bright light.

He thought about taking a bus into the suburbs, but then he remembered what happened to him before. "Maybe I should avoid buses for awhile." He laughed sheepishly. Besides, walking would give him a chance to see around the city. He took off in a flash, heading toward the factory.

He couldn't help but stare at all the monsters on his way. There were furry monsters, scaly monsters, flying monsters, miniature monsters, all with horns or extra eyes or razor teeth, and all in different shapes and colors.

"_That must be so cool."_ He thought. _"To have razor sharp teeth or extra eyes and feet, or have cool looking wings or tentacles."_

Most of the monsters walking around seemed like they were once human. They could talk, carry conversation, and shop. He wondered if he was ever going to turn into a monster.

"Maybe I could have 5 eyes," he grinned to himself "and tall horns on top of my head. Oh and of course I'm gonna need green scales and wings."

He started running and flapping his arms to simulate flight when he finally reached the edge of the city. All the tall skyscrapers, stores, and restaurants were behind him. All he could see now were rows of seemingly abandoned houses with dying green grass covering the lawns. Most of the trees were either dying or already dead.

"This place already reminds me of home." He beamed with naïve enthusiasm.

He walked down the main road and then took a turn through many side streets and cul-de-sacs. He wanted to pick out a great home, one that reminded him of his old home. He wandered when one caught his eye in particular.

Down Misery St., up the block, past a grimace looking mansion and sandwiched between the mansion's garage and another cozy looking brick house, was a simple white and beige striped house with a red tiled roof.

Jimmy's eyes widened. It was perfect! It looked just like his old house. There were ruffled, dead hedges in the front of the house. He could spruce that up later. Next he checked the backyard. There was plenty of space to play games, maybe set up some chairs.

He checked the inside of the house. It was covered with dust, and there was no furniture. There seemed to be a kitchen, a living room, and a staircase that led up to the second floor. "Perfect." He declared happily.

He _was_ really happy. He had picked out the perfect house; and on his first day in the afterlife too! He made sure to check the pamphlet again.

_Now that you have selected your dream residence, it's time to make it official. One thing you will learn in your time in Miseryville is that all property, products, and souls belong to Misery Inc. owned by Lucifer Heinous the Seventh. If you want to finalize your claim to your residence of choice, we highly suggest groveling and begging at the Misery Inc. Realty Dept._

Oh hey, Lucifer Heinous! Jimmy remembered that guy. The funny, short monster that cheered him up and made him laugh before. The welcoming video made him seem really nice and understanding.

"He'll let me keep the house." He smiled confidently. "This should be a piece of cake."

As Jimmy started fantasizing about cake, he noticed that it was getting really dark outside. "Huh, guess I have had a long day."

He had been so filled with amazement and shock all day; he barely noticed how tired his body felt. "_*Yawn* _Well let's see what we can do about a bed."

He climbed the stairs to see if there was a bedroom. Down the hallway, past a bathroom, he found a room with a window that was completely barren except for an old, dusty mattress left abandoned on the floor.

"Perfect!" It felt like his luck would never end.

He undid his bowtie and took off his dress shoes. "I'll go visit Misery Inc. in the morning. *_YAWN*_"

The boy's fatigue was starting to catch up with his body. His legs became wobbly all of a sudden and he plopped down on the mattress. As a cloud of dust shot upward, his eye-lids began to feel heavy. Before he could blink twice, he had drifted off to sleep.

...

Jimmy awoke to a blinding light shining from the window. He covered his eyes in pain and tried to move away to see what it was, but he could see nothing but intense white light blaring through the window glass and enveloping the room. He rubbed his eyes, trying his best to retie his bowtie and slip on his brown dress shoes without opening his eyes too much.

He strolled down the stairs and noticed that blinding white light was also shining through all of the first floor windows. He had to pull his shirt over his head to keep his eyes in the dark, at least until he could get outside. After fumbling around the living room and the kitchen, he finally stumbled upon the front door and opened it.

No sooner had he opened only a small portion of the door did blinding light shoot from the outside into his eyes. He fought against the intensity of the light and made it to his front lawn.

"Man, where is this light coming from?" His eyes were hurt and watering profusely now. Wherever it was coming from, it seemed to hurt Jimmy's eyes the most when he tried to look up. "It must be the sun here." He said, trying his best to open his eyes. "I'm probably not used to Miseryville's sun yet."

He held his hand up above his head to try and shield him from the sunlight. "Ok now, let me check that map again."

He used his other hand to reach into his pocket and unfold the map.

"It says here all I have to do is go back up Misery Street, walk down along the main road and eventually I'll end up at Misery Inc."

He started walking up the street when he saw a white limousine pull away from the driveway of the large mansion on his block.

"Yoooouuuuu whooooo, hey new neighbor!" Jimmy shouted, waving to the car.

Whoever was in the limo didn't seem to hear him, as the car sped away quickly.

"Huh, guess he was in a hurry too. Oh well, I'm sure I'll meet him later." Jimmy shrugged, smiling as he continued on.

After about an hour of walking, he came upon the huge concrete walls of Misery Inc.'s entrance. There was an intercom box mounted on the outside. Jimmy pressed the bright red button that said _Speak._

"Uh, hello? Anyone there? I'm here to get a new house." He spoke into the intercom and then waited for what seemed like forever. He was sweltering in the heat. He didn't remember it being so hot yesterday.

Finally after some time, an automated voice came from the box. _"Hello and welcome to Misery Inc. We understand you would like to purchase a house. To select a specific address, press 1._

Jimmy pressed 1. "_You have selected 1. To choose your specific address, please speak it into the intercom."_

Jimmy held down the red Speak button. "Yes, I would like to move into 26 Misery Street please." He smiled. He was hoping he could start officially moving in today.

"_Hello, and welcome to Misery Inc. We understand you would like to purchase a house. To select a specific address, press 1."_

Jimmy pressed the red Speak button again. "Um, I already did, I said 26 Misery Street."

"_Hello, and welcome to Misery Inc. We understand you would like to purchase a house. To select a specific address, press 1."_

Ok, now Jimmy was starting to get a little annoyed. "But I already DID."

"Hehe hey buddy, no used trying to use that intercom. It's a Misery Inc. product; it's designed to create frustration and misery."

Jimmy turned around and saw a tall green monster with three long eye stalks and two tentacles in place of arms. He wore a yellow hard hat and held a clipboard full of papers.

"So this thing was _designed _to make people mad? That's not very nice." Jimmy frowned as he began tapping on the intercom.

"Well, it's not supposed to be nice. This is Misery Inc. The whole company agenda is to spread misery and pain, with the occasional sprinkle of anguish here and there." The monster explained. He then examined Jimmy's non-monsterish body. Full-bodied humans were pretty rare sights these days.

"Do you know any way I could get in there? I really want to get a house." Jimmy asked with anticipation.

The monster stared at Jimmy. The boy seemed to have a goofy, lighthearted personality. _"That won't last long here."_ He thought. "Sure kid, I was just going in myself." The monster gestured for Jimmy to follow him around the side of the factory. There, a door stuck out from the huge concrete wall. "In here, hurry."

The monster really didn't want to get caught letting a kid into the factory. Jimmy ran inside, eager to finally get his house and officially begin his new life in Hell.


	5. Brought To You By Misery Inc

Chapter 5

_Brought To You By Misery Inc._

Jimmy ran into the building and gawked at the sight of the room he had entered.

It was an incredibly spacious, stone-cold gray processing room. An endless system of stainless steel pipes were hung from every corner of the walls and ceiling. There were hundreds of conveyor belts, packed with machine parts, products, and boxes. Dozens of huge fiery red incinerators and molten forges set up throughout the room churned out parts and molds for future miserable products. There were hundreds of monster employees stationed at different parts of the conveyor belts, working as an assembly line; each one doing the same tedious, repetitive, mind-numbing task over and over again. _Stir, pour, twist, squeeze, screw, tighten, drill, stamp, package. Stir, pour, twist, squeeze, screw, tighten, drill, stamp, package. _Over and over and over again. These workers looked like they were on the brink of sanity.

"Whoa," Jimmy gasped, "what is this place?"

"This is Misery Inc.'s central manufacturing room. Yep, all the magic happens here." The monster pointed to one of the molten forges. "You see a product starts out as molten liquid. We pour some into that products specially designed mold."

Jimmy watched as one of the monsters poured a big batch of liquid from an iron cauldron into a mold. The monster didn't seem to have any gloves on and blew on his hands in agony every time he poured and re-poured.

"Hey, shouldn't that guy be wearing gloves? The lava looks like it's really hurting his hands."

The green monster just shrugged. "I wish kid. Management doesn't take to kindly to workers complaining about safety or fairness. You just learn to live with it."

The monster turned to one of the assembly lines. "You see that one coming out of the mold right there? That's soon going to be one of our newest products: The Misery Inc. _Anti-Cool Freezer™_. It's going into the assembly process now."

Jimmy stood and stared with fascination. Along the assembly line it went. The first monster it reached twisted and squeezed the molded lump into a hollow, box like shape. The next worker screwed on multiple lug nuts and bolts to keep the box intact. Then holes were drilled around the side of it to place hinges, creating an opening door on the front of the box. Near the end of the assembly a giant pile-driver like machine dropped down and coated the box with a glossy, chrome finish. It also stamped a black symbol on it that looked like an evil, angry eye. The green monster walked over and picked it up.

"And here we go. The finished cooler. When this baby hits the shelves, there's going to be a lot of unhappy customers and melted ice cream."

Jimmy looked confused. "Uh, isn't a cooler supposed to keep things frozen? Why would it melt ice-cream?"

The monster gave Jimmy an irritated expression. _"This kid just doesn't get it" _He thought. "Look kid, the whole point of Misery Inc. is to spread misery. That means our products are designed _not _to work properly. Ordinarily a cooler would keep things frozen, but this Misery Inc. one will roast your frozen vegetables, melt your popsicles, and turn your ice into hot water."

Jimmy frowned. "That seems sorta mean. Why would your company want to make people feel bad on purpose?"

The monster resisted slapping his forehead. _"Is this kid serious? Does he realize he's in Hell?"_ He thought, getting pretty annoyed. "I feel for yah kid, really, but this is how it's always been. Ever since Miseryville was founded and Hell became the place where sinners go, there's been a need for creating misery. It's a shame really; a lot of people who come here are actually pretty nice. They just made a few mistakes in life that they couldn't fix. If it were up to me, I'd try to make things a tad brighter, but I'm just the production floor supervisor."

At this point the monster was actually starting to feel pretty guilty about the whole thing. Why did this kid have to go and get him all depressed?

Jimmy's face brightened. "So you're just the supervisor right? That means if I want to help, I should go talk to the big cheese, the boss man, the head honcho, the bigwig, the corporate stiff, the-"

"Alright! I get it!" The monster shouted in annoyance, nearly at the end of his rope. "And I really don't think that's a good idea. The last guy who tried to 'help' make things better didn't make out so well." The green monster pointed to a high balcony overlooking the production room.

Jimmy looked and squinted his eyes. "I don't see anyone there."

"No, no," the monster pointed again; this time slightly higher above the balcony, "see that red tarp hanging like a banner with the company's logo painted on?"

Jimmy turned his head up a bit. "Oh yeah I see it. It looks pretty."

"Yeah well, 3 years ago, that used to be someone's hide. Lucifer decided it would make a much better banner for the room. To _boost _morale. No one's ever even thought about complaining since."

"Lucifer…? Oh yeah! That funny red guy from the video I saw! Hey, we should go ask him to make things more fun around here. This place is so grey and BORING. And I could even ask him about getting a house."

The monster just stared at Jimmy. "Yeah, maybe you didn't hear me before, but this guy skinned a monster alive just because someone asked him for a 3 minute break once a day. I highly doubt he'll listen to you."

Jimmy smiled. "When in doubt, you should go with your heart… Or is it your gut? I can never remember which."

"I'm pretty sure you should go with your **brain**, although at this point I'm not even sure you ha- HEY! Where are you going?"

Jimmy had already started running toward the production room's opposite exit, which led to the main lobby of the factory. "Don't worry!" the boy shouted back, "I'll talk to him and straighten everything out. That's a Jimmy guarantee!" And with that, Jimmy was gone.

The monster just stood with a look of concern. "I really hope that kid makes it out of here in one piece." He sighed to himself.


	6. Everything's Coming Up Heinous

This chapter introduces a little theory I had about how people ending up in Miseryville become monsters. I mean, since it's Hell, you'd think there would be other humans around the place, but since there are just monsters shown, I went with the obvious conclusion that they somehow ended up turning into monsters over time.

Also, in case you haven't guessed, Samael is Samy's full name. Although the show never actually says it, it's kind of implied since many of the main characters have their names derived from a biblical name (Lucius-Lucifer, Samy-Samael, Beezy-Beelzebub).

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 6<span>

_Everything's Coming Up Heinous_

Jimmy ran through the hallway, passing an endless amount of office doors and product testing rooms along the way. He stopped by one testing room door that had a clear glass window set on the top. He peeked in out of curiosity and watched what was happening.

Inside he saw monsters in lab coats and hazmat gear holding a cage of what looked like furry little monster gerbils. The gerbils had an extra thick coating of brownish-purple fur and had multiple little black eyes.

"Awwww, they're so cute." Jimmy whispered. After seeing so many miserable monsters, it was nice to see something adorable and fuzzy in Hell.

As one of the monsters equipped with hazmat gear took a gerbil from a cage, the scientist monsters stepped back and observed, having their clipboards and pens ready. A cylinder drum with a weird yellow and black circle label on it was then brought by a team of hazmat workers to the cage. The worker holding one of the gerbils carefully scooped up a small amount of whatever was in the drum with a beaker and then proceeded to pour it out on the small creature. It was thick and goopy, and gave off a black-purplish glow.

"Awwww, now they're giving it a bath. That's so sweet. That green dude must have been way off. This place doesn't seem so ba-" _**BOOM!**_

The cute gerbil that had been doused with goo had exploded right in the hands of one of the workers. The worker's hazmat suit was a little torn but he appeared fine. The gerbil, however, coated the room.

"SWEET CORN! WHAT HAPPENED?" Jimmy screamed in shock. He tried to make sense of it and finally it hit him. "They must be experimenting on those things." Jimmy then noticed the cage full of shaking, trapped gerbils still in the room. "I've got to help them!"

He tried to open the door but the knob wouldn't turn. "_It's locked! What am I gonna do now?" _He panicked and started banging on the door. "HEY! LET ME IN! No one's hurting those poor, defenseless creatures on my watch!" He kept pounding on the door until his shouts hit the ears of the workers inside. One of them finally opened it but blocked the entrance.

"Excuse me; we're in the middle of testing here. Unless you have Code 3 or above clearance I can't let you in."

But Jimmy ignored him and squeezed through into the room. He ran straight for the cage of gerbils when a huge noise startled him.

_**WEEW WEEW WEEW WEEW WEEW! **_

__He didn't realize it at first, but one of the scientists had pulled the security alarm. From out of nowhere, dozens of tall, muscular Minotaur men wearing red kilts, wristbands, and boots swarmed the testing room and seized Jimmy.

"Hey, let go! I have to rescue these guys! Look at them, they're scared and cramped. You can't just trap them here and do weird tests on them!"

All of the gerbils let out squeaks of joy, which made Jimmy smile. Unfortunately the scientists and guards weren't as moved.

"Kindly remove this trespasser please. He's already cost us valuable time. This Misery Inc. _Sunblast Sunscreen™ _has to be the shelves by Monday, and we're already behind schedule."

"_GRUNT". _The Minotaur guards didn't appear to be able to talk, but understood and dragged Jimmy out of the lab.

Jimmy struggled. "Let go of me! That's no way to treat helpless animals!" He tried in vain to get the guards to listen to him, but they remained silent with the same angry, intimidating face. Jimmy could hear the gerbils squeaking loudly with fear as he was being carried away. "Poor little guys…"

The guards dragged him to the main lobby he was trying to reach before. He didn't have time to look around as the guards immediately shoved him into one of the lobby's elevators. Of the many averagely small looking buttons on the elevator panel, a guard pushed a large, glowing red one that had the Misery Inc. logo imprinted on it. The elevator began to rise slowly. The guards had let go of Jimmy by now, but still surrounded him to make sure he didn't try and flee. Feeling he needed to loosen the silent tension, Jimmy tried to get on the guards' good side.

"Soooo… How long have you guys been in Miseryville?"

The guards said nothing, but looked down at him, still with their angry, intimidating faces.

Jimmy gave a nervous laugh. "Heh, so um, where exactly are we going?"

Again the guards remained completely silent, but one of them pointed up.

"Yeah, I know we're going up, but _where _is up?"

"_Grrrrrrr." _One of the Minotaur guards growled at Jimmy, who quickly stopped asking questions. The guards didn't look like they were in a talking kind of mood. In fact Jimmy was almost sure they couldn't talk at all. But Jimmy wasn't very concerned about what they were going to do to him. Sure they were huge, hulking, and scary looking, but they didn't appear like they were going to hurt him.

Finally, the elevator stopped and the doors slid apart. He was pushed out into a large office. The walls were all a deep emerald-green color and the floor was covered mostly by a plush, diagonally patterned grey rug, with some dark green carpeting on the edges of the room. Along one side of the office's walls were huge, towering statues of Lucifer the Seventh, all in different heroic and suave poses. Along the opposite wall were three large circular windows, looking over all of Miseryville. To the boy's left, an enormous monitoring station, complete with a giant television screen and long panel of colorful buttons, could also be seen. And finally, at the end of the lengthy office, located under a humongous, ornate portrait of Lucifer Heinous VII, and sandwiched between two tall bookcases, was a large wooden desk with a tall, brown upholstered chair behind it. Jimmy couldn't see anyone in the chair, because it was facing the other way.

_Oomph! _The Minotaur guards gave Jimmy another push into the office and then quickly ran back into the elevator. Before he could ask where they were going, the guards pushed a button to close the elevator doors and were gone. They seemed visibly afraid of something, but Jimmy didn't really give it a second thought.

He turned his attention back to the dreary, empty office. The only light shining in the room came from the three large windows. He walked over to them and pressed his face against one. "Whoa, you can see everything from here."

Jimmy gazed down over the entire city. He could see all the buildings he had passed in downtown and even the neighborhood where his soon-to-be house was.

"Oh and look, Miseryville has a park, and a forest, oh and a beach! Ooo, and so many mountains! I'm definitely gonna have to check those out."

Jimmy noticed that the blinding light from above that he had seen in the morning had faded. He tilted his head up and was able to look into the sky. It was a bright orange-red color with many flat, sharp looking orange clouds floating around. And farther up, partly concealed behind some of the orange clouds, were three bright suns blaring down on the planet.

"_No wonder it was so bright out."_ He thought. _"I guess I just have to get used to them."_

"Are you going to keep gawking out of my window all day?"

Jimmy jumped up with surprise and looked around frantically. He was sure he was the only one in the room, but that voice was definitely coming from nearby.

"Over here you twit."

Jimmy turned toward the desk. The brown chair that was facing the end wall had swiveled around already, and there sat a short, red devil creature wearing a brown suit. There were dark red circles around his eyes and his long red nose was pointed up. His face gave a cold, annoyed expression and his voice didn't sound very welcoming either.

"So, is there any specific reason why you _broke_ into my factory and tried to sabotage one of my newest product's testing?" The short red monster asked coldly. This kid had better have a good excuse for interrupting his afternoon nap.

Jimmy recognized the monster immediately as the red devil from the welcoming video. He remained frozen for a moment and stared blankly. The ultimate ruler of Hell seemed less friendly in person. "Oh, hello Mr. Heinous. Uh, my name's Jimmy."

The red devil rolled his eyes. _"As if I'm ever going to remember this twerp's name."_ He thought to himself.

Jimmy tried to explain everything that had happened to him. "… and you see I was just trying to help the gerbils. I didn't come here to cause trouble; I really just wanted a new house. I found a really nice one and I wanted to keep it before anyone else got to it and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-"

Lucifer just sat there, pretending to listen. Sheesh this kid was mouthy. The red devil propped his head on his fist, tired but still irritated. "Ah huh. So you just decided to invite yourself into _my_ factory, disrupt _my _product testing, and interrupt the busiest part of _my_ day? Just for a stupid little crap-shack? Did it ever occur to you to just go to the Realty Department on the other side of the building?"

Jimmy gave a nervous smile. "Sorry about that. I'm new around here and I've never been to this factory before."

Lucifer was just noticing for the first time that this kid was fully human. No horns, no wings, no third or fourth eye, no fur, no nothing. Normally anyone new to Hell gained at least fangs or pointed ears after the first day.

"You know Johnny, you-"

"Actually it's Jimmy sir." Jimmy smiled.

Lucifer quirked his brow and gave a dry smile. "_Jimmy. _You know you're very lucky. Normally I'd have someone like you dipped in acid and then thrown into a boiling pit of lava piranhas. But today I'm in a sort of merciful mood." He looked over Jimmy one final time and then clasped his claws together. "You said you wanted a house, correct?"

Jimmy suddenly grew a wide grin. "Oh yes please Mr. Heinous! I've wanted one so badly since the day I got here!" Granted, it had only been a day and a half since Jimmy arrived, but to him it felt like an eternity.

The red devil pulled open a drawer behind his desk and starting running through a stash of papers with his red claws. Finally he found a form and placed it on his desk. Then he took a pen from his suit jacket's pocket and placed it on the desk, next to the form. The next thing Lucifer did caught Jimmy by surprise.

"**SAAMMMMMAAEEELLL!**" Lucifer shouted deep from his lungs. The sound echoed with force throughout the entire factory and made Jimmy jump up from shock.

It couldn't have been more than five seconds before the elevator door opened up and out came a small, green hunchbacked troll. He ran straight towards Lucifer's side and groveled.

"Y-y-you called, your Heinous?" The troll stuttered, visibly shaking with fear. He was wearing the same grey suit and shoes from the welcoming video, and spoke with the same lisp. Up close, Jimmy could also see just how old he really was. The troll looked hundreds of years old.

Lucifer lowered his eyes towards his lackey and gave an innocent smile. "Could you stand right over there please?"

"Uh, s-sure thing boss." Samael scurried over to a spot right next to Jimmy. The fact that Lucifer was smiling and even taking the time to say _please_ to him was not a good sign.

Lucifer then turned his eyes back towards Jimmy, still smiling sweetly. "Alright, _Jimmy._ How badly did you want that house again?"

Jimmy was practically jumping up and down from anticipation at this point. "Oh, I want it really, REALLY badly sir! I'll do anything you want."

The red devil's innocent smile morphed into a wicked, unholy grin. "_**Anything?**__"_

Jimmy bit over his smile, and tried his best not to explode from enthusiasm. "Yes, yes! ANYTHING!"

Lucifer again plastered an innocent smile over his face. "Good. Well then all you have to do is _kindly _kick my lowly assistant here in the teeth." He turned back towards Samael and grinned. "C'mon Samy, let's see those pearly whites."

The troll shook with fear. He knew he should have just stayed in bed that day. He forced his face to twist into a wide smile showing all of his teeth. The fact that he was nearly on the brink of tears wasn't helping.

Jimmy's uncontrollable excitement slowly began being displaced with confusion, as his body was just starting to process what he had been asked to do. "You… want me to kick your assistant in the teeth?"

Jimmy turned towards the troll. Samy's mouth was still fixed with a wide, open smile, even though the rest of his body was shaking with terror. Samael's eyes were also tightly shut and both of his fists were clenched, awaiting the punishing pain he was about to receive to his mouth.

The boy frowned. There was no way he could do something like that. "I'm sorry Mr. Heinous, but I don't think I can hurt him."

Lucifer's grin was beginning to fade. "Look, _Jimmy_. See this paper?" He held up the form from his desk and shook it in his hand. "It's a housing contract. I'm prepared to sign it for you RIGHT now, but first I want to see some bloody teeth on the floor. And maybe hear some painful screams from Samael, _even though I get those every day. _Besides, you said you'd do **anything** for me, right?_"_

Jimmy's frown widened. He wanted a house, but not like this. Samael's smiling teeth were chattering loudly at this point and the tears he was holding back before had already begun to leak.

Jimmy turned back to the red devil and gave a nervous smile. "Uh, actually, maybe I could just clean your office for you? Or help in the factory for awhile? Or I could even help you out as your assistant? Or maybe as Samael's assistant? Or I could probably BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-"

Lucifer began to tune out Jimmy's voice. Any trace of his grin had been replaced by a long scowl. He was actually showing mercy on this brat, but the kid was refusing to take it. He could have just thrown the little snot-nose into the boiling piranha pit, but instead he only asked for a simple kick to his assistant's chompers. Was THAT too much to ask for? It wasn't really that hard. Just lift your foot and kick. It's that simple.

"…I'm also pretty handy in the kitchen, so maybe I could work as your private chef? Or even as your personal driver? _Even though I don't really have a license yet,_ but still I cou-"

"**Look, **_Jimmy…" _The red devil cut off the boy's endless babbling. His amusement with the kid was nearly all but gone and the merciful mood he had been in had deteriorated into a calm rage. He gave the boy a cold, matter-of-fact expression. "…I don't know exactly what you were like _before _you came to Hell, but now that you're here, you're going to have to stop with the good guy act."

Lucifer stepped off of his large brown chair and walked over to Jimmy. He grabbed the boy by his black bowtie and pulled Jimmy down to his eye level. Lucifer's soulless black eyes locked onto Jimmy's. "You've got to stop with the nice-nice. I'm not going to let you walk out of here until you've earned a mark."

Jimmy scratched his head. He didn't have a clue what a 'mark' was. "You mean like a birthmark?"

The short, red devil face-palmed. "No you idiot! A _monster_ mark. You know, like scales, or claws, or sharp teeth, or horns or SOMETHING!" Lucifer then realized he was starting to visibly lose his cool. He quickly caught himself and calmed his demeanor. No use overexerting himself because of some stupid kid.

Jimmy's frown disappeared. "You mean you're gonna turn me into a monster?" His eyes widened with excitement. "Awesome! In that case, I'd like green scales and five eyes. And maybe some monster teeth. Oh, and definitely some wings so I can fly all over the place!" Jimmy began flapping his arms again and started running around the room, pretending to fly.

The short, red devil's patience was slipping significantly. His eye began to twitch and he clenched one of his fists tightly. NOBODY could be _this_ stupid. He bit his lip in anger and tried to calm himself. He was going to _**break **_this kid, no matter what.

Finally his head was cleared somewhat and a calm smile returned to his face. "No silly, _I _can't turn you into a monster. Only you can."

Jimmy stopped running and scratched his head. "How do I do that?"

Lucifer took a deep breath. He hated explaining things to people, especially when he had worthless minions that could do it for him. "You see _Jimmy_, in Hell people turn into monsters when they do bad things. You know, _sinning:_ breaking into houses, kidnapping children, violently stabbing someone; the usual stuff."

Jimmy still gave a look of confusion. "But I haven't done anything like that."

Lucifer folded his arms. "That's the problem. You're going to have to start if you want to fit in here in Miseryville. I mean _look_ at you. No claws, no gills, no feathers or tentacles. You're practically a freak."

Jimmy's face saddened, which made Lucifer grin. "But don't worry. I'm helping you, see?" The devil gestured to Samael, who was still exposing his teeth in a wide smile. Samy's face was wet from tears and his eyes were still closed. The troll didn't want to see himself get hit, but it was torture not knowing when the blow would come.

"All you've got to do is give Samael a quick kick right here," Lucifer pointed at the center of Samy's smile, "and TA-DAH! You'll earn your first monster mark. Maybe you'll even get those wings you've been dying for. And of course, I'll sign for your dream house!"

"But won't that hurt him?" Jimmy asked with a frown. He wasn't really the cruel, sadistic type, and he certainly didn't want to get wings or a house if it meant hurting someone.

Lucifer's grin dropped. "Of _course_ it's going to hurt him. That's the point. You don't get to be a monster of Hell without breaking a few innocent jaws here and there."

Jimmy tried to look for a way out of this. He suddenly wasn't feeling so excited about getting a house or becoming a monster anymore. "On second thought Mr. Lucifer, maybe I'll just go to the Reality Department after all, but thanks for everything though!"

He bolted for the elevator, but didn't get very far.


	7. Sweet Moment of Misery

_"Lucius has quite remarkable powers, but doesn't use them most of the time, because he likes to think he's so smart that he can control a situation without using them." -_ **Edward Kay, _Co-Creator of Jimmy Two-Shoes_**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 7<span>

_Sweet Moment of Misery_

"STOP, RIGHT **THERE!**" Lucifer screamed.

Jimmy screeched to a halt and slowly turned back around. Black smoke was beginning to emit from Lucifer's mouth. The master of Hell's sharp teeth were exposed and clenched together with rage.

"**I, Lucifer Heinous the Seventh, order you to** **get back over here ****NOW!**" His voice boomed with fury.

Jimmy slowly walked back over, trying to think of a way out. He tried his best to come up with something, but he wasn't exactly a genius when it came to these things.

This time Lucifer grabbed Jimmy by his blond cowlick. "Listen you oblivious little moron, I spared you from a torture worse than even the most gruesome slaughter because I saw you were still a complete human being. I thought '_Hey, why don't I help this kid out. I'll let him off with a warning and help him start out right in Hell. Just one blow to Samy's teeth and he'll be a full-fledged sinner, and I'll even give him a house, because I'm such a generous monster.' _But NOOOOOOOO! You just had to go and turn into a Mr. Goody Two-Shoes, didn't you!"

Jimmy stood there, leaning over the fuming Heinous. "A… Goody Two-Shoes?" The fear he was feeling from before was gone now, and he actually felt a smile trying to break across his face.

The master of Hell was bellowing black smoke and growling. He felt like ripping off the brat's blond cowlick, still locked in his claw. The smile he was seeing form on Jimmy's face wasn't helping to quell his rage at all. "What in the name of misery are you SMILING ABOUT?" Lucifer questioned with a fiery rage in his voice. He didn't care about keeping control of his anger anymore. He was about to let loose on this kid.

Jimmy let his smile spread across his face. "Oh thank you Mr. Lucifer!" The boy spread his arms out wide and beamed a wide grin.

The red devil's seething fury was replaced by alarmed confusion. "What do you think you're- _OOMPH" _Jimmy closed his arms around Lucifer and gave him a huge, patented Jimmy bear hug. The devil could feel his body being crushed by the boy's tight embrace. "Let go _OW_! Heinouses _OUCH _don't hug!"

But Jimmy couldn't hear him. He was in his own little happy world. A _Goody Two-Shoes_. He had never heard of a creature like that before, but apparently he was turning into one. A _Two-Shoes _monster. He could even use _this_ for a new last name! _**Jimmy Two-Shoes. **_The name rang in his ear like music. _Jimmy Two-Shoes, J2S. _It was perfect! He couldn't remember what his old last name was, but he was sure _Two-Shoes_ was 1000x better.

Lucifer was turning blue in Jimmy's arms. He gasped for breaths as he tried to pry open the boy's crushing hug. "_*Gasp* _**LET** *_gasp*_ **GO** **OF** _*gasp*_**ME NOW!**"

Jimmy finally snapped out of his daydream and released the dark blue devil onto the ground.

"_*Wheeze* _Sweet misery! That _*gasp*_ was horrible!" Lucifer caught his breath and looked up at Jimmy. The sadness and fear that he was just starting to plant into the boy had vanished. There was just that same stupid, goof-ball smile and bright eyes. This kid wasn't human _at all_. He _had _to be some sort of monster.

Jimmy's face brightened. "So now that I'm a monster, can I have my house now?" He got on his knees and begged. "Please, please, please, please PLEASSSEEE?"

"Wait, what? NO!" Lucifer growled. "You haven't become a monster! You haven't even sinned! Samael still has all of his teeth!"

But Jimmy's smile persisted. "But you said I'm turning into a _Goody Two-Shoes _monster. By the way, what kind of power does that come with? Will I be able to glow in the dark or grow four hands? Do I get any horns or fur? Oh, it probably has something to do with my feet doesn't it? Maybe I'll be able to run super fast or kick really hard. I'll be the best soccer player ever! Or does it mean my _shoes_ get special powers? Maybe they'll let me BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH-"

Lucifer gritted his teeth and put his claws over his aching ears. The ultimate ruler of Hell was beginning to unravel. This kid wasn't just some stupid teenager; he was a terror. Not even a miserable terror, but a _smiling_ terror. His eyes were twitching like crazy now; he was ready to pull his horns out of his head. He needed to get this brat out of his office. He didn't care about corrupting him anymore; he just needed some peace from this evil child.

"-HEY, JIMMY!" He cut into the boy's babbling, almost at the end of his sanity. "You know what? You're right! You are turning into a Goody Two-Shoes; congratulations!" He ran to his desk and grabbed the contract form and pen. "And you know what else? I'm going to give you that house! But you have to leave, _**right now.**_"

As the exhausted red devil hurriedly scribbled through the form and his signature, Jimmy squealed with joy. "Oh THANK YOU Mr. Lucifer! I've dreamed of this moment ever since yesterday!" Jimmy threw his arms out wide and ran towards the devil.

"Wait, what are you doin- **NO NOT ANOTHER HU**- OOMPH."Jimmy's arms clamped Lucifer together tightly with his body. As the boy jumped up and down with delight, the red devil could feel his blood and oxygen circulation being cut off. "SAMAEL!_ *gasp*_ HELP ME YOU _*gasp* _IDIOT!"

Samael had been standing there the entire time, waiting for _someone _to knock all of his teeth out. "Uh, coming sir!" The troll tried to pull Jimmy's arms apart, but once Jimmy got his arms around someone, they might as well give up. Samael pulled as hard as he could but Jimmy's hugs' were air-tight.

Jimmy, not even feeling Samael's heaving, leaned over the desk and looked at the contract with curiosity. A lot of the words were complicated legal jargon, but he made out the last few sentences.

* * *

><p>"<em>This signature here by grants ownership of the designated residence to <em>** THIS ANNOYING BRAT**, _who can now claim responsibility and possession to the address of _**WHERE EVER HE WANTS**.

_Signature of Realtor/Supreme Overlord of Hell: _**_Lucifer Heinous VII_ **.

* * *

><p>Jimmy smiled at the contract and then stuffed it in his pocket. Just then, he felt a little pull.<p>

"Oh hey Samy!" The boy hadn't even noticed Samael tugging on his arm the entire time, "Do you want a Jimmy hug too?"

"A _what?_" The troll responded in confused fear. Samael could see Lucifer gasping and changing different colors in the teen's arms. Whatever a Jimmy hug was; he knew _he_ didn't want it. "Uh, a-actually I-" _OOMPH. _Samy never had a chance to escape. Within seconds he was packed tightly next to Lucifer in Jimmy's arms. He had never been _hugged _before. It actually felt pretty snug and warm. "H-hey, this isn't s-so bad."

But Lucifer was already turning a bright shade of purple. He couldn't feel his arms anymore and everything was starting to get hazy. He needed a way to get rid of this, this _monster_. There was no way he could call on his henchmen; no one could _ever_ find out that he couldn't even handle one single 14 year old boy on his own.

Jimmy, however, was feeling great. He'd finally gotten his house, and he even made two new friends. "So now that we're all buddies, do you guys want to come over to my new house?"

In Lucifer's nearly unconscious state, he had a flash of evil genius. This was the perfect opportunity to get rid of the kid.

"_*Gasp*_ Of course we do! You _*gasp*_ just need to **LET GO OF US!** _*gasp*_." He was nearly passed out by the time Jimmy loosened his grasp on the two monsters.

Lucifer fell to the floor, trying to catch his breath and recompose himself as quickly as possible. Samy just stood there, smiling blankly at the hug he had just been given. The troll was feeling something that he hadn't felt in a long, long time. Whatever it was, it felt…warm.

"_*Pant* _Alright _Jimmy_," the short, red devil monster tried to put a friendly face over his angry, exhausted one, "could you show us where your house is? Pleassseee?" He fashioned a large smile, even though his insides were screaming with rage. As soon as that kid got near the window, he was going to charge and blast the little horror right through the glass.

"Sure thing Lucy!" Jimmy skipped over to one of the large, circular windows and started looking for his neighborhood again.

"L-L-Lucy?" The red devil's ears sprang up. "D-Did you just call me **Lucy?**"

Jimmy continued to stare out the window, retracing his path from downtown Miseryville. "Yeah I figured since you helped me come up with my new name, I could give you a special name too, like Lucy! Or maybe Lucille? Or Lucibelle?" Jimmy started to giggle. "Lucilicious! Or Lucy Goosy! Or even Lucerino!"

The short, red devil's mind began to shut down. He was starting to feel something deep inside him, but he wasn't quite able to figure it out. On the outside his ears began to wiggle and his pupils grew smaller. His whole body was numbing and his face was in a blank trance. This, this _boy _had to of been doing all this deliberately, just to make him go crazy. He refused to believe anyone could be _this _stupid and cheerful unintentionally. And now THIS. Calling the supreme lord, master, king, and ruler of Hell '**LUCY**'. He was starting to become lost in his own daze before something finally snapped him back into reality.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA, HE SAID LUCY! AND LUCIBELLE! A-AND LUCY GOOSY! My ribs! They're on FIRE!" Samael was pounding on the floor, laughing uncontrollably. He was holding his stomach and laughing so hard his eyes were watering.

Jimmy started giggling; still looking out the window to try and find his house. "Hehe, I guess Lucy is kind of a funny name." Then he started to laugh too. "Hahahaha yeah and so is Lucy Goosy! Haha and Lucinator HAHAHAHAHAHA a-and LULUPOP!"

Lucifer looked around, still in a half-trance. Now they were both laughing. _AT HIM. _That unexplainable feeling he had was starting to get stronger. His entire body started to feel warm. In fact his head felt blazing hot. He bit his lip to try and suppress it but it kept getting hotter. He took a quick look up.

The top of his head was shooting up searing blue flames. _"Oh sweet misery, not __**now**__."_

He tried to put it out but he felt his insides getting hotter and hotter. He looked back at Jimmy and Samy. They were still laughing, completely wrapped up in their own amusement to notice the flames coming from his head. They were both _idiots_. Laughing at _him_, LUCIFER HEINOUS THE SEVENTH, the master of Hell and all its sinful prisoners.

He felt his body getting hotter with rage and the flames shot even higher over his head. He needed to calm down, but the sound of that brat's laughter mixed with his pathetic assistant's snickering was making it impossible.

By now, Jimmy was also holding his stomach, crying with laughter. "HAHAHAHA or-or maybe LUCILIA!"

Samy was still on the floor, barely able to speak because he was laughing so hard. "AHAHA-HAHAHAHA!"

The troll had completely forgotten just who he was laughing at. The demon who could turn him inside out with just a snap of his fingers. Who could tear off his skin and feed it to rabid Gruggly beasts with just a simple command to his vicious guards.

Suddenly, Jimmy stopped laughing. "Uh, hey guys, do you notice something weird going on?" He was still looking out the window when he noticed all of the buildings in Miseryville appeared to be melting. "I think something's happening in the- Wh-WHOA!" His body sunk several inches into the ground and he hurriedly looked at his feet. They were submerged in the floor, which seemed to be turning into squishy goo. "Hey, is the floor supposed to be doing this?"

It wasn't just the floor; the entire room was beginning to melt. Lucifer's statues were already starting to form pools of bubbling liquid, and his humongous portrait was a dripping mess of colors and paint that were flowing down his wall.

"_Glublublububub-" _Samy, previously laying down on the floor, had already sunken head first into the dissolving ground. The only sign that he was still alive came from his kicking feet and the gurgling bubbles rising through the floor from his buried head.

Lucifer was beginning to panic. _"Alright, alright; just __**calm down!**__" _He screamed in his head. The fiery rage overtaking his body was causing his powers to spiral out of control and liquefy the city. He tried to think happy thoughts, like a serpent swallowing Samy alive, or his father being torn apart by Shwartzentigers. He even imagined that Goody Two-Shoes crying and begging him for mercy. _Oh yes, that was good._

Lucifer felt a smile tug on his face as he closed his eyes and imagined Jimmy screaming with pain and writhing in terror, as the boy slowly began turning into a hellish monster. The red devil's head was beginning to feel cooler.

Jimmy stopped sinking. The teenager's entire waist was below the ground before the floor started to solidify again. "Awwww, does this mean it's over?" He moaned with disappointment. He had wanted to sink all the way into the floor, like Samy did.

Lucifer forced open one of his eyes and looked up at his head. No flames, no smoke, no anything. His intense rage had chilled.

_"Phew, that was close."_ The red devil sighed with relief in his head. He then looked around the room.

Everything in his office was a dissolved pile of goo and fluids. His bookcases, statues, monitoring station, and desk were all huge masses of gunk. He spotted a half-sunken Jimmy smiling and waving at him. Samael was nowhere in sight, but that was a trivial concern.

"_Ok," _Lucifer thought, biding his next move, _"now I just need to fix everything_ _and get rid of this idiot. Then I deny this ever happened."_

The calmed red devil took a deep breath, "_*Huff*_" and tried to imagine everything completely normal. He strained his thoughts, picturing the buildings in Miseryville as all repaired and the roads as solid sheets of normal concrete. No doubt billions of monsters had sunken below the dissolved buildings and streets during his little _meltdown_, so he had the extra burden of restoring them all as well.

While he was stressing his brain, returning everything and everyone back to normal, he had an overwhelming urge to erase that skinny, smiley little freak from existence. Just one thought and _POOF;_ no more Goody Two-Shoes, no more _Lucy _or_ Lucerino _or _Lulupop_, and no more _**hugging. **_

But of course, he didn't. He _wouldn't_. He didn't need his powers for anything, _especially _dealing with some annoying, troublesome teenager. He had enough experience doing that with his _own _son.

The office was beginning to shake. Now Lucifer was fixing his own factory. His face tightened as he focused his thoughts on the task of repairing all the damage to his beloved Misery Inc. He made sure all his machines and equipment were in perfect condition for creating new miserable products. He contemplated whether or not it was worth the effort to restore all his insignificant workers, but luckily for them, _someone _needed to do all the dirty work and it definitely wasn't going to be him.

He opened his eyes. Jimmy was sitting on the ground by the window, still smiling. The boy's waist and legs were now fully rested above the restored floor. Samael was laying on his stomach close by, silent and unconscious. Lucifer quickly turned his exhausted head around the room to examine it.

His statues were all back in their beautiful, perfect conditions and his office was no longer a dripping mass of glop. He looked up at his portrait. It was now back to its original state; showing the strong, powerful Heinous towering over all of Miseryville.

Jimmy jumped up from the floor. "Wow Lucy, that was amazing! Everything was turning all gooey and squishy and mushy!" The boy turned and pressed his face against the window again. All the previously melting buildings and streets were now completely fine, as if nothing had ever happened. "Hey Lucy, does stuff like that always happen in Miseryvi-" _**SMASH!**_

Lucifer had run up from behind the teenager and head-butted him out the window. Jimmy went face first through the glass and plummeted down the huge dome factory.

"**AAAAAAHHHHHHHH**_**hhhh**__**hhhhh**__**!**_"

Lucifer could hear Jimmy's screams grow softer and softer as the boy plunged down several stories. "Good. Maybe that will shut him up."

He turned back to his desk; his only sanctuary in this devil-forsaken hellhole. He calmly walked back over to it and plopped himself down on his favorite brown chair. _Finally_, some peace and quiet. He looked up at the clock.

_4:56 P.M. _He had spent nearly two hours with that little monster. The red devil's usual scowling face grew especially angry. It had only taken two measly hours for that kid to make him blow his fuse and lose control of his powers. He knew he was stronger than that, but there was just something about that boy that made him go over the deep end.

Lucifer rubbed his aching temples. The exhaustion he faced from his encounter with that _Goody Two-Shoes_ and strain from using so much of his powers were finally starting to catch up to his body. "Samael, bring the limo around. I'm going home early."

There was complete silence. Samy was still lying on the floor, out cold on his stomach.

"HELLO? SAMAEL? I said get the limo NOW!"

Samy's body remained unresponsive.

The red devil was much too tired to keep yelling at his lifeless assistant. He hopped down from his chair again, this time at a much more sluggish pace, and walked over to Samy's unconscious body.

Lucifer, exhausted from the nightmare he had just experienced, began kicking Samael's body repeatedly. First in an effort to simply wake him up, but then he began kicking harder and more rapidly. He was taking out all the anger and annoyance he felt for Jimmy on the small troll. That boy had gotten away with humiliating him and never even received a proper punishment.

"Whaa- _OW! OOF!" _Samael was starting to drift back into consciousness from Lucifer's last few kicks. He couldn't remember anything, and the only sensation he could feel on his body was the splitting pain on the side of his ribs where the red devil had been lashing out at him. "What happened? _OUCH!_"

Lucifer, now calm and momentarily free of his anger, quickly spun up was of his famous lies. "You clumsy idiot, you broke one of my windows." He pointed to the broken window that he had shoved Jimmy through. "You passed out right when I was about to punish you for it, like the sniveling little coward you are."

Samy's head was a complete blank. He didn't remember any of this happening. "_I _broke the window and passed out? Are you sur-" Samy froze and slapped his hands over his mouth. He could already see Lucifer's angry scowl tightening. Rule #1: _Never_ question a Heinous.

Samy groveled and then quickly tried to backtrack from his error. "I-I mean of course I did! Stupid, clumsy me! I really should have been more careful with that window!" He let out a nervous laugh before he started quaking in his shoes.

The red devil just growled. "Forget it; just be grateful that I'm in a good mood today." He rubbed his heavy eye-lids from exhaustion. "Have the driver bring the limo around pronto. I need to get back home and rest."

Samael just stood there, dumbfounded. "S-So you mean you're _not _going to punish me?"

The troll had never been shown _leniency _before. It was completely new to him.

Lucifer rolled his eyes in annoyance. "_Yes_, it's called being merciful. I can be compassionate and forgiving too you know! Now are you going to get the limo or _not_?_!_"

At first Samy had no idea how to react, but his face began moving into a bright smile all on its own. His boss was actually being _nice _to him. For the first time in centuries of servitude, he was being treated _not terribly_. "Oh wow, thank you sir! You know this means a lot to me. I've always dreamed of the day when someone would show me some kin-" _**POW!**_

Lucifer's fist flew straight into Samael's smiling mouth, knocking out several teeth and causing blood to splatter all over the carpeted floor.

"_AAUUUGHH" _Samael tried to shout with pain, but his mouth was quickly swelling into a huge, ugly mess.

The short, red devil then grabbed the troll by his large green nose and grinned evilly. "Whoops, guess my hand must have slipped. Now, get me my limousine THIS INSTANT!" He then released his grip on Samael's bulbous nose, which went flying back into the troll's face.

Samy's mouth was now completely swollen. "Yesh your Heinoush." The troll ran toward the elevator, holding his hands over his bloody, puffed up mouth. As the elevator doors closed on him, the red devil could hear Samael's whimpering and crying.

_Now _Lucifer was truly starting to feel better. He started to suck on his bloody knuckle; for a centuries old troll, Samael had some surprisingly strong teeth.

He paused there in his office, standing alone among his statues and furniture. The entire factory seemed to be frozen in silence. He cast his gaze out of his broken window, which was letting a terrible draft into his office.

Of all the souls of the damned he had seen in his 700 years in Hell, Lucifer had never encountered _anyone _even remotely close to that, that _Two-Shoes _kid. That boy was going to be trouble; that was for sure. _"I'll have to deal with that kid soon. I can't have him spreading whatever infectious stupidity he's caught to the entire city."_

Whatever his course of action was going to be, Lucifer would do it tomorrow. He was nearly on the brink of collapsing from fatigue, and everyone knows you shouldn't do any devious and sinister planning when you're tired.

"_*YAWN*, _I'll take care of it in the morning." He dragged his tired body towards the elevator. "Besides, how much damage could _one _measly child do in a single night?"


	8. Lord of the Fries

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Seeing as Beelzebub (Beezy's full biblical name) literally translates to '_Lord of the Flies,' _I thought _Lord of the Fries_ would be a pretty appropriate chapter title, since he's also such a glutton.

Oh also—just for reference—Beezy was not an original concept character (at least to my knowledge); however, early production art (made after JTS was greenlit, but before character designs and names were finalized) shows that his original design was pretty much exactly the same as it is now, with the exception that he was slightly shorter and his brown shorts also had a pink floral-patterned design on them. Yes; a lot like Patrick Star's shorts.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 8<span>

_Lord of the Fries_

"_**aaaa**__**aaaaahhh**__**hhhh**__**hhhhhhHHH**__**HHHHH**__**HHHHHHHH**__**HHHHHH!**_" _**WHAM!**_

Jimmy landed head first into the solid concrete below the factory's dome. He picked himself up from the cracked pavement, shaking the stars out of his eyes. "Man that was some fall." He looked back up at the spot from Lucifer's office where he had fallen and shouted. "Ok, I'll see you later then! Come visit me sometime!"

He started walking back to his brand, new house. He pictured all the things he would do now that he was an official resident of Miseryville.

"_The first thing I'm going to do is explore this place. I totally want to see all the buildings and monsters. And I'm gonna have to check out the beach and forests too. Then I can get some furniture for the house. A comfy couch, some tables, and a real bed. And I'll definitely need a T.V. too. I hope they have Teletoon in Hell."_

Jimmy was approaching the entrance to his block when his ears picked up on a dull groaning. He looked around at the seemingly deserted street. "Huh, I wonder where that's coming from."

He continued, all the while the groaning was getting loader. He was half past the huge, white mansion on his street before he finally saw where the noise was coming from.

Sandwiched between his house and the mansion was the mansion's disconnected garage. It was white with two half circle windows and a larger arched window at the garage's entrance, giving the entire structure the appearance of an angry face. It was fairly large compared to a normal garage. It even had a patio deck on the roof where anyone could just hang or relax.

In the yard, lying flat on its stomach, was some sort of tall, fat red monster. Its face was buried in the grass and its long, red tail was pointed directly upward. The monster was moaning pretty loudly.

Jimmy silently tiptoed over to it and watched it. The monster didn't seem to hear him, as it was busy groaning despairingly. Jimmy quietly leaned down to the monster's head and whispered. "**HEY DUDE, WHAT'S THE MATTER?**"

The monster shot up with surprise and landed hard on the ground. He turned his head, frightened. "Wh-who's there?"

"_Mhmhmhmhmmh."_

The monster looked around, but he couldn't see anyone. "Uh, where are you exactly?" Just then, he saw a hand coming from under his butt. "Ooooh, there you are." He lifted himself up and caught a glimpse of the flattened boy lying on the ground. "What are you doing down there?"

"Oh nothing…" Jimmy muttered, dazed from being squished into a paper-thin cutout. He stumbled up and put his thumb into his mouth. Then he blew as hard as he could, blowing up his flattened body into its normal round shape.

Jimmy hadn't even introduced himself before the red monster started groaning again. "_Uhhhhhh…_" It rubbed its stomach, and it looked as if it was going to collapse on the ground again.

"So why were you just laying here?" Jimmy questioned. The teen then took notice of the red monster's big figure. It had long yellow claws and toe-claws, and short, pointy horns. It also had a long red nose, and a long, fat red tail. The monster wasn't wearing any clothes, except for a pair of brown shorts with a pink flower pattern.

"_Ugh_, I've been trying to open my house's stupid door, but it won't budge. And now I'm starrvvviiiiiinnnngg!" The monster started pounding on the garage's side door with frustration. "C'mon, open! Why. Won't. You. OPEN?"

Jimmy looked around in the yard. "Did you lose your key or something? Maybe I can help you find it."

The monster just stared at Jimmy suspiciously. "Why would you want to do that?"

Jimmy smiled. "'Cause I want to help. That's what neighbors are for."

"Huh, I didn't know I had a neighbor. But I don't use a key; my door's probably just jammed." The huge red devil monster shrugged. "Whelp, guess that's it then. See ya later."

He started walking toward the street when Jimmy ran in front of him. "Hey, we can't just give up. I think I know how to get in there."

A tired frown spread across the red monster's face. "_*Groan* _But that sounds like _work _to me. Work and me don't really mix."

The red monster scratched his stomach. He didn't _really _need to get into his house. He was fine just sleeping on the ground, or in any old place. He normally just slept wherever he wanted.

"But I thought you said you were hungry?" Jimmy persisted. "If we get in there, you can eat all the food you have in your fridge."

The red monster's ears sprang up. _Now_ he was motivated. "Well what are we waiting for?" A smile spread across his face as he started salivating. He could already taste the barbecued snot beast and grilled lava worm sandwiches he had been saving.

"That's the spirit! First, I think we should- _OOMPH._" The red monster grabbed Jimmy in his claws and started running toward the garage.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Jimmy tried his best to talk as he was being gripped tightly by the sprinting red, devil monster. "What are you going to- _**AAAAAAAHHHHHhhhhhh**__!_" The monster threw Jimmy up into the sky, towards the garage's deck roof. Jimmy soared through the air, briefly catching a glimpse of the entire neighborhood from a bird's eye view. _"Wow, everything looks so pretty."_

The suns had all gone down by now, and Miseryville's moon was illuminating the neighborhood's otherwise pitch-dark street. Jimmy could even see the silhouette of the Misery Inc. factory off in the distance.

"_Man, everything looks so beautiful from up here." _He closed his eyes, and started flapping his arms like a bird, unaware that he was beginning to dive faster and faster toward the roof. _"I hope when I turn into a Goody Two-Shoes, I'll get some cool looking wings so I can fly around all the time."_

Before he could even open his eyes again, the boy landed face-first on the hard, grey concrete floor of the garage's roof.

"_OW!_ Man that hurts." He rubbed his aching face and looked around on the roof deck. It was pretty empty except for a single beach chair set up, probably for that monster to relax on in the sun. He started to hear some muffled shouting from down below. He walked over to the edge of the roof's deck and looked down at the red, devil monster, who was waving and shouting at him.

"OK, NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GO DOWN THE STEPS AND UNLOCK THE DOOR FROM THE INSIDE!" The monster shouted from down below.

Jimmy turned and saw the door to the stairwell on the roof's towering chimney. "OK!" he shouted back down, "I'LL MEET YOU AT THE BOTTOM!"

He raced to the door, and down the steps. The first floor of the 'house' was almost completely shrouded in darkness, with only a small amount of moonlight coming in from the windows. "Ok, let me just find a light switch."

He started feeling around along the walls when he tripped on something gooey. "Yuck!" He felt it covering his pants and shoes as he stumbled back up. "What is this stuff?"

He scooped up some of it in his hands and felt it. It was almost impossible to see what it was in the darkness, but Jimmy was almost sure it was some kind of food. He tried to wipe it off his clothes, but it was so sticky. "Oh man. This stuff is all over me."

He kept fumbling around in the dark, still looking for a light switch, but the further he went, the more garbage and food slop he kept running into.

Finally, after a few minutes of wandering aimlessly around in pitch blackness and tripping over trash covered furniture and gunk, Jimmy miraculously stumbled onto a lamp stuck in a pile of garbage. He flicked it on, but immediately wished he had stayed in the dark.

In the light, Jimmy could see dirt and mold covering the walls of the house; piles of plastic soda bottles, food wrappers, and trash completely blanketed the floor. Junk, ranging from car tires to appliances to metal scraps to cardboard boxes, were dumped in large piles all over the place. There were even several slices of pizza stuck onto the ceiling. Half of the furniture was nearly entirely buried in trash, with only a green couch and large T.V. still completely visible. It was as if the place had been used as a garbage dump and abandoned for years. And it looked so clean from the outside too.

"GROSS!" Jimmy could barely keep from gagging, "How can anyone live like this?" He felt like vomiting, but he remembered that monster was still waiting for him. "Maybe I can help him clean up later."

He scanned the first floor. He saw the entrance to the kitchen, which was covered with even more food scraps and trash than the living room, and a door which led to the main garage section of the house. He made his way past the mounds of garbage and junk, toward the wall where the house's entrance should have been. But all he saw was a mountain of dirt and clothes.

"HEY," Jimmy shouted out to the monster, still waiting outside, "The door's blocked by all of your stuff! What should I do!"

There was no response.

Jimmy tried shouting louder. "HEY DUDE! ARE YOU STILL THERE?"

Nothing. There was dead silence. "_Aw, come on. I hope he didn't leave."_

Jimmy tried getting to one of the windows to peek outside. One was rusted and covered in ketchup and mustard, for some odd reason, but he was able to pry it open and stick his head out into the yard. It was still dark, with only a small amount of light escaping from inside the house. The clouds were covering up the moon, so Jimmy could barely see past the front lawn of the house. A few yards in front of him, he could make out the bulky red monster lying on the grass, curled up in a ball.

"Hey! Are you even awake?" Jimmy shouted toward the monster. The monster didn't respond, but yawned and then curled up closer with his tail.

"Yeah, he's definitely sleeping." Jimmy shut the window and turned his attention back toward _Laundry Mountain_. "Man it's going to take me forever to move this. But it doesn't look like I have a choice."

Jimmy started picking up dirty clothes one by one, and folding them into a pile. "Hey this isn't so bad." His smile picked up as he started to get faster and faster at it. He began turning it into a game, seeing how fast he could fold and pile the clothes away.

"Phew… that takes care of the clothes." Jimmy proudly exhaled. He stood and admired the huge, neat pile of shirts, socks, and shorts that he stacked away. He turned back toward the door, which was still being blocked by a mound of dirt and dust. "At least I can _see_ the door now."

Now all he needed was something to clean the dirt with. He looked around several piles of random junk for a broom or a mop. Stuck between a broken car bumper and piles of pizza boxes, was an old broom with the handle broken in two. "Man, this looks ancient. I don't think he's even used this once."

But it was the only thing Jimmy had. So he got to work sweeping up the dirt and grime into a pile away from the door. "Ah, that's better."

Although the new clean spot in front of the door was still pretty messy, it was definitely the cleanest spot in the house. Jimmy opened the newly accessible door and stepped out into the yard. The moon had since come out from the clouds and it was much easier to see the neighborhood. He walked over to the red monster, still snoring on the grass, and started shaking him.

"Hey dude, wake up. I unlocked the door."

"_ZzzzzZzzzzzZzz…" _The monster snored soundly on the lawn. It looked like he was out cold.

"Hmmm, well that's too bad then," Jimmy grinned as he slowly started walking back toward the house, "I guess I'll have to eat all your food by myself then…"

The monster's ears and tail shot up like rockets, and his sleeping eyes flashed open widely. "NOOOOOO!" He pounced on Jimmy, and they both went tumbling through the door before crashing into a pile of garbage bags.

"Haha, I knew that would wake you up." Jimmy laughed as he stumbled back on his feet. "Anyway, I got the door open. There was a huge pile of clothes and dirt blocking it, but don't worry, I cleaned it up for you."

"Wazzat?" The monster had already made his way to the fridge, checking to make sure all his food was still there. "Did you say you _cleaned _something?"

"Yeah I cleaned all the stuff that was blocking your door, see?" Jimmy pointed to the large pile of folded clothes that he cleared away. "Now you won't have to worry getting locked out again."

The monster stared at the folded up laundry, with a look of disgust in his face. "No, no, no. This won't work." He took a bottle of ketchup from his fridge and without warning, began pouring it into his shorts.

"Um, what are you doing?" Jimmy said, scratching his head.

"Just a little something I like to call the **TOMATO BUTT BOOOOOOOMB!**"

The monster took a running start and then jumped toward the pile of clothes. He then crouched up into a ball as his body cannon-balled toward the heap. _**SPLAT! **_As soon as he hit the pile, the ketchup in his pants exploded all over the room. The clothes, walls, furniture, and Jimmy were all coated with the dripping red condiment.

"Ewww, gross!" Jimmy shouted as he was coated with a wave of ketchup. He tried wiping the ketchup off his face and clothes, but he was completely drenched in the stuff.

"Ah, that's much better." The large red devil monster sighed with relief as he began to lick the ketchup off himself. "Now, back to my snot-beast sandwich." He skipped back over to the fridge, and began digging around in it for the snot-beast slices and bread.

"Why did you do that? Now the clothes are all messy again." Jimmy frowned at the now disorganized, ketchup covered pile of clothes that he had so neatly stacked before.

"Because," the monster garbled as he chewed on his food, "I don't like it when things are clean. That's not really my style." He then threw his entire sandwich into his mouth and ate it with one bite. **"_BUUURRRRP!"_**

"Oh, well um, my name's Jimmy. _Jimmy Two-Shoes." _His smile widened. This was the first time he had officially gotten to use his new name.

"_Two-Shoes?_" The monster repeated, sounding confused. He looked down at Jimmy's feet. "Well I guess that makes sense. You do have two shoes." The monster then grabbed a soda from his fridge and started chugging it down.

"What?" Jimmy answered, "No, that's not why. It's because I'm a Two-Shoes monster. You know, a Goody Two-Shoes."

The monster shrugged. "If you say so." He scratched his stomach and then leisurely walked to the green couch in the living room. "I wonder what's on T.V."

Jimmy walked over, doing his best to avoid the trash and ketchup covering the floor, and sat beside him on the couch. "So, uh, what's your name?" Jimmy asked curiously.

"_*Sigh* _It's Beelzebub." The red monster sighed as he dug the T.V.'s remote control out of a pile of junk next to the couch and started flipping through channels.

"B-Bell-zebub? Bale-zebub?" Jimmy mangled the name with his tongue. He wasn't really accustomed to pronouncing hard names.

"No, it's Beelzebub, like _Ba'al-zebub_."

Jimmy's mouth twisted and turned as he tried to get the pronunciation right. He looked ridiculous doing it, but he didn't know any other way to get his mouth to say it right. "_Bee-EL-zuh-bub?_"

"Yeah, that's it. _*YAWN*_"

Jimmy smiled nervously. "Uh, what if I just call you Beezy? Bee-el-zuh-bub is a little too hard for me to say."

The monster's ears pricked up. "…Beezy?" He stopped flipping through channels on the T.V. as his face seemed to be mulling over the new nickname. "Beezy…" A wide smile suddenly began to creep on his tired face. "Beezy! _Beezy J. Heinous!_"

Jimmy smile widened also. "You really like it?"

"Yeah, it's so much better than Beelzebub. I never really liked that name anyway."

Jimmy thought over his new friend's name. He was sure he had heard it before. "_Beezy J. Heinous. Heinous… Heinous…" _He looked over at the reclining monster again. Red body, short pointy horns, and a long red nose. _"I know I've seen this before… but where?"_

The red monster slouched in the sofa, still smiling at his new nickname. Finally, now he could actually be proud when someone asked him his name. He never noticed how much he disliked the name Beelzebub until now.

"Hey Beezy, would your dad happen to be Lucifer Heinous?"

The monster's smile disappeared. "*_Groan* _Yeah…unfortunately."

"That's so cool! I just met him today! He was the one who told me that I was turning into a Goody Two-Shoes. Oh and look, he even signed for my new house next door." Jimmy took out the housing contract from his pocket and held it up proudly.

"Wow really? That doesn't sound like my dad. Whenever someone asks him for anything, he usually just has them dipped in acid and thrown into a pit of lava piranhas or something. _*Sigh* _That was the worst birthday ever…"

Jimmy tucked the contract back into his pocket. Today had been great. Along with Lucy and Samy, Beezy made friend #3 for the day. "So I was thinking, maybe tomorrow we could hang out and walk around the city. I wanna see everything in Miseryville."

Beezy looked over at Jimmy with some not-so-subtle skepticism in his eyes. "What do mean _'hang out'_?"

"You know," Jimmy laughed, "like do stuff together. We could go to the movies, or the park, or swim at the beach."

Beezy was still looking over Jimmy suspiciously. It didn't make sense to him why this guy would just want to spend time with him when he hadn't done anything for him. The boy had to be after something. "And _why _would we do that?"

"Because we're friends. And neighbors. Freighbors. Or maybe neighbriends. No actually, Freighbors sounds better, let's go with that."

"Fr-frei-frands?" The word stumbled across the large red devil monster's tongue. He had no idea what a frand was. He had never even heard that word before.

"No, _friends_. You know, people who like each other, and hang out together and play together."

Beezy crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. He wasn't buying this whole _friend _thing. There had to be some kind of catch. "So what does the other _friend_ get out of it?"

Still smiling, Jimmy tried his best to describe what a friendship meant. "Well you don't get stuff if that's what you mean. You get someone you can trust and support, and they trust and support you too. Oh yeah and happiness. Happiness is the best part."

Beezy's eyes grew wide. "Happiness…? You mean like _non-misery?_"

Jimmy nodded. "That's a weird way to put it but sure, I guess being happy means you're not miserable."

Beezy scratched his head. "My dad always says that you can only be happy by making someone else miserable. That and having lots of money."

Jimmy started laughing. "Haha oh that Lucy; he always makes the funniest jokes. I've never been rich or made anyone miserable, and I'm happy all the time."

Beezy started twiddling his claws. "So uh… we're f_-_frands now?"

Jimmy's smile reached ear to ear. "That's _friends_, and yeah you bet buddy!"

The red devil monster just stared at Jimmy's face. The boy's wide smile kind of made him want to start smiling. And now they were _friends_. He had never had a person to do stuff with before. Everyone was either too mean or too miserable.

_Groowwl_. Jimmy put his hands over his stomach. In all the excitement in the day, he had forgotten to eat something. In fact, he couldn't remember eating anything since he came to Miseryville.

Beezy's ear caught the sound of Jimmy's stomach rumbling. It sounded a lot like his, only much less loud. He could feel something trying to escape his lips, coming from deep within his gut. Finally, his mouth started moving without him even realizing it, and he said something he thought he never would in a million years: "Do you want to eat something? I could make you a sandwich."

Jimmy's face lit up. A sandwich sounded great, especially since his stomach felt like it was starting to eat itself. "Yeah, thanks. I'd love a sandwich."

The red devil monster's face went blank for a few seconds, trying to contemplate what just happened. He then began to realize that he had just offered some of _his _food to someone else. _HIS _food! What was he thinking? He hated to share his stuff, _especially _anything edible.

"Uh… um I-… oh did you want any kind?" Beezy stuttered. Now he realized what he was saying, but for some reason he just couldn't stop himself.

"Oh I'll take anything you have. I don't really know what sandwiches they have in Miseryville." Jimmy stated gratefully.

The large red devil monster got to his feet and slowly started making his way to the kitchen. As he opened his fridge to get the leftover slices of snot beast, he tried to figure out _why _he was doing this. He never had an urge to give anyone food before. It was like something inside him was compelling him to. That kid _did_ help him get inside his house, and didn't even ask for anything in return. Plus he was the first frand the red monster had ever had. Nobody else ever wanted to _hang out_ or even talk to him. And the boy was really, really cheerful; probably the most non-miserable monster he had ever seen in Miseryville. Before he could blink again, he found himself standing in front of Jimmy, holding a plate with a snot beast sandwich on it.

Jimmy happily took the sandwich and started eating. "Wow this is delicious! Thanks Beezy."

The red devil monster started to smile. No one ever complimented his food-making skills. It was the one thing he was good at. Well, that and _eating_ food of course. Maybe this frand thing wasn't so bad after all. He sat back down and looked at Jimmy. The boy had just finished the sandwich and slouched back in the sofa, patting his now-full stomach. Normally the red devil monster had at least five sandwiches for a light snack, yet it only took one for Jimmy to get stuffed.

Jimmy laid himself back on the soft couch. That sandwich really hit the spot. As his food-coma set in, his eyes wandered to the windows. Outside was completely enveloped in blackness; it seemed the neighborhood didn't have any streetlights. "_*YAWN*_ Hey Beezy, do you know what time it is?"

Beezy looked down at his wrist to check the time.

"Huh, I should really get a watch one of these days." The monster yawned as he stared down onto his bare wrist.

"Well, do you have a clock or something?" Jimmy asked. The teen looked around on the walls. There were a few pictures hung up of Beezy and his father, all showing the pair frowning, and even some framed pictures of sandwiches and milkshakes.

"Huh let me see…" Beezy brought up the T.V. guide and checked the time. "It's almost 9 o'clock."

Jimmy couldn't believe it had already gotten so late. He stretched his arms up and yawned. He had been so busy; he hadn't even noticed how tired his body felt. "It's kind of late. I think I'm gonna go back to my house now." He turned to say goodbye to Beezy, only to see the monster suddenly asleep on the couch, snoring soundly. "Awww, goodnight buddy."

Jimmy pulled a blanket from one of the piles of trash and draped it over the sleeping red devil monster. He made sure to turn off the T.V. and the lamp so Beezy's sleep wouldn't be interrupted. He then tiptoed to the door and quietly made his way out of the house. As he shut the door, he could see that the white limo from the mansion next door had already come back. There was no light coming from inside the mansion either. "Huh, I guess everyone's gone to bed already."

He started to stroll over to his house, taking in what little he could see of the neighborhood now that it was nearly pitch-black. Only a few gleams of moonlight escaped from the clouds, so he couldn't really see anything past the last line of houses on the street. He followed the pathway to the sidewalk, and finally made it back to his new crash pad: 26 Misery Street, Miseryville, Hell 66666.

He opened the door to his still barren house and quietly shut the door. It was even darker inside the house than it had been in Beezy's, only Jimmy didn't have the luxury of a lamp or any electricity. He had to blindly search for the stairs in the dark, although at least he didn't have to worry about tripping over piles of trash now.

He found the base of the stairs and made his way up; past the bathroom and down the hallway to the room where the old mattress was still lying on the bare floor. "_*YAWN* _Man am I tired."

He untied his black bowtie and took off his shoes. _**PLOP! **_Jimmy dove straight onto the dusty mattress and tried to get comfy. Two days living in Miseryville, and the only thing he'd seen so far was the Misery Inc. factory. But on the plus side, he did get to meet Lucy, Samy, and Beezy, and he was going to go sightseeing in the morning.

Lying on the old mattress in the dark, he tried to keep his heavy eyelids from closing; he was tired but he didn't really feel like going to sleep just yet.

He tried to think of his former life back on Earth. It was getting harder and harder for him to remember anything past that morning at the bus stop. His friends, school, parents and last name were all still drawing a blank in his head. He couldn't even remember if he _had_ parents or not. "I hope I haven't forgotten _everything._"

But at least he still knew his first name, and he remembered what his old house used to look like. And he remembered that he loved to have fun and smile. "At least that hasn't changed." He whispered to himself with a tired grin.

He paused for a moment in the darkness. There was no noise coming from the house or outside. No crickets chirping, no dogs barking, or wolves howling, no nothing. He tried to keep himself awake by humming, but that only made him sleepier. No matter how hard he tried to avoid it, sleep was slowly starting to creep into his eyes. He didn't have any fight left in him, and in a few short minutes he was fast asleep.


	9. Real Monsters Wear Red

Wow, this chapter was extremely fun to write. I'm not sure why I included a dream sequence; probably to give a less awkward segue into Lucifer's encounter with _youknowwho. _I think it also kind of speaks volumes about his character. Misery really is all he's got. Without that, what is he?

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 9<span>

_Real Monsters Wear Red_

"Your Heinous, everyone's assembled outside the factory walls like you wanted." The green troll fell to his knees and bowed down. "Everything's ready for you."

The towering, muscular red devil monster stood with his back turned, gazing at himself in a tall mirror, admiring his own strength and adjusting his suit. "Good, now get out of my sight you sniveling worm."

The green troll crawled on his knees to the door and then scurried out of the room.

The handsome red devil monster felt a smile tugging on his face. He checked himself one last time in the mirror.

Tall. Gorgeous. Brilliant. All packed into a staggering 7 ft body with a glorious set of 2 ft. tall horns and huge, rippling muscles. And his brown business suit made him look even more magnificent than usual. _"Showtime."_

He began walking toward the door. Outside, along the corridor, was a long line of his Minotaur guards, all bowing toward him. "Hurry up you idiots; we don't want to keep everyone waiting now do we?" He felt the smile spreading across his face getting stronger, but suppressed it. He didn't want to show his joy until after the _big surprise._

The guards followed their exalted leader down the central hallway of the factory, leading to Misery Inc.'s main entrance. He stepped outside and felt an explosion of heat from the three monstrous suns positioned dead center in the sky. There were no clouds to block their rays from roasting the citizens. What a miserable day indeed!

He continued walking, slowly starting to hear the huge crowd of monsters on the other side of the wall. His ears were trembling with excitement, but again he forced it down and hid it. He didn't want to look _too _happy.

Finally, he reached the base of the wall and looked up. The wall was about 70 feet tall, perfect for looking over the rat heap of slaves also known as _civilians_. He took a step back and snapped his fingers. In a flash, two huge screeching monster birds swooped down and flew him up to the top of the wall. As soon as he stepped into sight of the crowd below, the noise and clamor all vanished. It was as if the mere sight of the tall, red devil monster was enough to command fear and respect. But mostly fear.

The tall, muscular red devil monster stepped forward, positioning himself at the edge of the wall and overlooking the crowd of terrified monsters who were all wrapped in dead silence. These assemblies usually meant bad news for them.

The red devil looked around. Everyone's eye was trained on him and all his glory, as it should be. He snapped his fingers at the two birds hovering overhead.

_WHOOSH. _They dove back down toward the factory and came back with Samael in their claws, dropping him hard on the top of the wall next to the powerful Heinous.

The troll quickly groveled and fell on his knees. "A-ah sir! E-Everyone's ready for your big announcement."

"Great, then why haven't you INTRODUCED ME YET YOU BLUBBERING FOOL?" The red devil kicked his foot right into the bowing troll's face.

Samael quickly picked himself up and bowed again. "O-Oh I'm so s-sorry your Heinous! Thank you so much for punishing me. I'm not worthy to be kicked by your divine feet." He began kissing the red devil's shoes, ignoring the terrible pain he felt in his mouth.

"Sometime TODAY Samael!" The tall devil snarled.

"O-Oh yes, of course your Heinous."

The troll wiped the blood from his now swelling mouth and faced the quivering crowd of monsters. "ATTENTION ALL YOU WORTHLESS SACKS OF NOTHING!" Samael shouted from the massive wall. "KINDLY GET ON YOUR KNEES AND BOW DOWN TO YOUR SUPREME GOD OF DESTRUCTION AND MISERY: LUCIFER HEINOUS THE SEVENTH!"

The entire crowd of pathetic monsters began bowing; no one in their right mind would dare cross the merciless devil.

"Thank you Samael, now move it."

The red devil kicked the troll off the wall, sending him plunging to the ground. "That's better, now then." The magnificent red devil cleared his throat and tried to hide the peppiness in his voice as he addressed the crowd of monsters. "GREETINGS MISERYVILLIANS! AS I'M SURE YOU'RE ALL AWARE, MISERYVILLE HAS BEEN _PARTICULARLY_ MISERABLE LATELY!"

The crowd stayed silent. It wasn't everyday that Lucifer was satisfied with the level of misery in Hell. Whenever the Misery index was at its highest, he would normally complained and demand for it to go higher.

"NOW I, LUCIFER HEINOUS THE SEVENTH, AM A KIND AND MERCIFUL RULER! THEREFORE, I'M GOING TO GIVE EVERYONE A REPRIEVE! AS A REWARD FOR ALL THE MISERY YOU'VE BEEN THROUGH!"

The crowd remained silent, all stunned that they were being shown any kind of mercy. And from Lucifer of all monsters! Then, a small shout of joy rang up from the noiseless sea of monsters. "HOORAY!"

It was that skinny, smiley little idiot boy with no claws or scales or fur or anything. He was jumping up and down like a moron, smiling with that annoying beam of… _OPTIMISM. _

Lucifer felt dirty at the mere mention of that word.

It seemed that the boy's moronic cheering was highly infectious. In a few seconds, the entire crowd was jumping and cheering. Mothers were kissing their babies, children were jumping into group hugs with their families, and everyone began cheering the ultimate ruler of Hell. "**WOOHOO! THREE CHEERS FOR LUCIFER HEINOUS THE SEVENTH!**"

The red devil broke into a smile at the deafening cheering. Seeing everyone so happy was going to make this _so much sweeter. _He cleared his throat again. Now he had to boom his voice over the thunderous celebration from down below.

"THANK YOU, THANK YOU! YOU'RE TOO KIND! NOW THEN, FOR YOUR GENEROUS REPRIEVE, I'M GOING TO GIVE YOU ALL A FIVE SECOND HEAD START!"

The roaring celebration from the crowd of monsters instantly began to die down. A five second head start? From _what_?

The smiling red devil rolled up his suit's sleeve and began counting down on his wristwatch, "FIVE… FOUR…"

The crowd's smiles had since vanished, and some monsters had actually begun to sense just what was happening.

Lucifer reached into his brown suit's pocket, and pulled out a small remote control. He flexed his finger near a large red button positioned on the control's center. "THREE… _TWOOOOOO_…"

The enormous crowd of monsters began to flee in all different directions, screaming and running for their lives; unsure of what was coming for them. All they knew is that whatever they were getting a head start from, they didn't want it to catch them.

"_**ONNNNEEEEEE!" **_

The merciless red devil's finger pressed down hard on the large red button. In an instant, the humongous concrete gates of the Misery Inc. factory flew open. Huge, unholy creatures came flooding out, catching sight of the terrified monsters and sprinting in order to seize and tear them limb from limb.

With the creatures free, Lucifer could finally let all the giddiness he had bottled up before go. "BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-" He laughed with delight at the carnage he was witnessing from a first-class seat. Seeing everyone being hunted down and slaughtered by his beasts was enough to bring tears of joy to his face. He closed his eyes and took in the bloody screams of thousands being shredded and eaten at once. He bit his lip, trying to savor the sweet melody of torture and despair echoing the space before the factory walls. He could see children being ripped apart right in front of their parents, and shrieking families being chewed and mashed out in the gaping jaws of his ferociously perfect creatures. Blood, tears, desolation, hopelessness, and misery. Sweet, sweet _misery_ everywhere he looked. And he stood above all of it, in all of his Heinous glory. "Today couldn't possibly get any better."

It was then that he felt a tap on his shoulder. Lucifer hurriedly turned his head, nearly jumping up with surprise. How could anyone else reach him 70 ft above the ground while his beasts were wreaking so much chaos below?

It was his fat, lazy, good-for-nothing, teenage _disappointment: _Beelzebub.

"Beelzebub? How in Satan's wretched name did you-"

"Dad," The overweight devil cut his father off abruptly, "I just wanted to tell you that I know I've always been a huge disappointment, so I'm going to go freeze myself in the basement. That way, you can rule over Miseryville forever without having to deal with my stupidity anymore."

Lucifer just stood there for a few moments, stunned. For the first time in centuries, he was speechless. "Beelzebub… I-"

"Your Heinous?"

The red devil turned his head again and saw his worthless assistant, battered and covered with blood. Part of Samael's arm and face had been torn off.

"How is everyone getting up here? We're 70 feet above the ground!" Lucifer sounded with annoyed confusion.

"Your majesty," the blood soaked troll got onto his knees and bowed his head before the increasingly confused devil, "The Misery index has reached its highest point in Heinous history. You are now the most evil and heartless Heinous to ever exist."

The wide-eyed red devil just stood there. "Um, great… I guess."

He knew he should be smiling. Even laughing maniacally at this news. His disappointment of a son getting rid of himself and his new status as the most feared and misery inducing Heinous in history should have been making him jump for joy, but something felt… _off_.

He looked back over the wall to see the carnage and mayhem that he was missing, but to his surprise, there were no screaming monsters or satanic creatures spraying the city with blood. There was nothing. Any trace of the massacre he had unleashed had vanished. There was just an empty space of land leading up to Miseryville's suburbs.

"W-Wha… **WHAT HAPPENED?**" Lucifer screamed with rage. "Samael, where is everyone? Where are all the monsters I assembled? Where are my hell-beasts? What happened to all the screaming? The _blood_? The _**MISERY?**_"

He turned to release his rage on the small green troll, but saw no one there. "Samael? Where did you go?"

Lucifer turned to face his disappointment of a son, but he was no longer there as well. "B-Beelzebub? …Hello?"

He looked around for any sign of life at all. _"_…_Anybody?_"

He couldn't see a shred of movement coming from the 'burbs or the city. No cars on the roads, no monsters running around; not even a single animal scurrying on the ground. He turned toward the factory and looked down. All the minions that had followed him out of the factory were nowhere in sight as well.

He found himself standing on top of the wall, completely alone. There were no monsters for him to terrorize, or minions to kick around. His son wasn't there for him to lash out at, or even his sweet _Coochie Long-Ears _for him to cuddle with. He felt so alone. So empty. So _miserable._

The red devil held back a depressed sigh. He plopped down at the edge of the wall and looked over himself. He was no longer impressively tall, but back to his normal, small stature. His beautiful two foot long horns had reverted back to their originally pitiful stubs. The superb muscles on his body had disappeared, leaving him with his regular, puny arms that could barely lift a pound. All that was left was the gloomy, arrogant, short, bald red-devil monster with stubby horns and non-existent muscle-toned body.

"This couldn't possibly get any worse." The red devil sighed with a depressed breath.

He closed his eyes and cried. Without misery and pain to inflict on anyone, he had nothing. He _was _nothing. He felt like jumping off the wall when the ground began shaking. It was making the wall underneath him vibrate a little. _Bam._

"What in the name of misery is going on? A Hellquake?"

The rumbling became more violent. Lucifer's body began vibrating along with the shaking wall, which was beginning to break apart.

_Bam. BAM._

Lucifer could hear a low-key explosive sound in the distance, but he couldn't tell where it was coming from exactly. Every time he heard the noise, the ground shook more ferociously.

_BAM._

The wall was beginning to give way now; he could feel it breaking apart under his feet.

_BAM. __**KABOOM!**_

The wall crumbled. Lucifer fell toward the ground along with hundreds of pieces of concrete rubble that were about to crash down right on top of him.

_BAM. __**BAM. **__**BAM!**_

Lucifer's eyes shot open; his throat closed tight from trying to suppress his terrified scream. He sprang up from under his sheets and looked around frantically in the dark. As his eyes adjusted to the dimness around him, he slowly realized that he had been asleep in his bed the entire time. "What a horrible dream. And it started out so wonderfully too." He rubbed his tired, tear soaked eyes, still feeling his heart thumping from his awful nightmare. "Misery nibblets… what time is it? _*YAWN*_" He turned his head towards his digital clock. "_4:22 A.M.?"_

The red devil dragged his tired body out of his large bed and struggled to keep his eyes open. Whatever was disturbing him this early in the morning was going to _get it. _**"SAMAEL!" **

He waited a few seconds for his worthless assistant to come groveling into his bedroom, but Samy never came.

"_HELLOOOOO? _AM I TALKING TO MYSELF HERE?" He shouted with piercing anger.

Again, he heard no response. No scurrying feet heading towards his room or anything.

"Well this is just perfect," he muttered as he stomped toward his bedroom door, "I get woken up at four in the morning _and _my stupid assistant is sleeping on the job."

The annoyed red devil threw his door open and made his way to the staircase. He was nearly at the bottom when something made him jump.

_**BAM! BAM! BAM!**_

Lucifer's heart nearly flew out of his chest. _"What the heaven was that?" _

It was the pounding sound that had woken him up. It sounded like something was trying to bust his door down. He slowed his pace, a little less in a hurry to reach the front door.

_**BAM! BAM! **_

The mansion shook from the forceful beating on the door; just like the heavy rumbling in his dream. Whoever was pounding on his door definitely seemed angry. That or just very determined to get in.

He made it to the huge entrance hall on the first floor of the mansion and tip-toed to the large ornate door. The banging seemed to have stopped.

"_*YAWN* _Well _good. _Whoever it was probably wised up and ran. They wouldn't have wanted to deal with me when I'm in a bad mood." He turned around, eager to get back to his warm bed, when another annoyance occurred.

_**DINGDONG. DINGDONG. DINGDONGDINGDONG-DINGDONGDINGDONG**_

Now the doorbell was being rung over and over again. Whoever wanted to see him was persistent to say the least.

Lucifer turned around _again _and hurried to the door, this time determined to give whatever was bothering him a piece of his mind. He swung the huge door open; making sure his scowl was fully visible to whoever was on the other side. He was surprised to see a small little girl with messy dirty-blond hair and icy-blue eyes staring angrily back at him. Her stained maroon dress covered her body from the neck down, with only her head and hands still visible. From the exposed parts of her body, Lucifer gathered that she was still fully human.

"_Oh great. Another snot-nosed human." _He thought to himself.

"It took you long enough! I've been waiting out here forever!" The girl snapped irritably as she folded her arms in annoyance.

The tired red devil just stood there with a stunned glare on his face. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. First this… this _little girl _pounds on his door in the middle of the night, and then has the nerve to be feisty with _him_, the Supreme Lord of Hell and God of Misery!

"Listen you little pip-squeak; first of all, you don't get to have an attitude with _me. _You will wait for Lucifer Heinous the Seventh for as long as I feel like. Second, it's 4:30 A.M.; whatever it is you want, ask me in about eight hours." _**SLAM!**_

Lucifer slammed the door right in the small girl's face and began walking towards the steps. He really should have released his lions on the brat, but in all honesty he was a little grateful that she had woken him up. Waking up from that awful nightmare was worth having to get out of bed so early.

"HEY!" The girl shouted from behind the door. _**BAMBAMBAM! **_"OPEN UP! AND I AM _NOT _A PIP-SQUEAK!" **_DINGDONGDINGDONGDINGDONG_**_- _

The girl was banging and ringing the doorbell furiously. She didn't walk all this way just to get insulted and have a door slammed in her face.

Lucifer stopped at the base of his incredibly tall staircase and sighed. This girl wasn't going to let him have any peace, and he really didn't feel like calling his guards to deal with her. Besides, it's not like he actually wanted to go back to sleep. He might have that horrible dream again. At least now he would have _someone _to talk to. Or yell at. Whichever was fine.

"_*Sigh* _Alright, alright, I'm coming; just keep your dress on." Lucifer sighed as he turned himself around; AGAIN.

"_**WHAT?" **_The girl fumed from behind the door. "FOR YOUR INFORMATION, IT'S A GOWN! _NOT A DRESS!"_

"Fine. Whatever." He walked back to the front door and opened it, this time much more calmly. "Won't you come in?" He asked sarcastically.

"_Finally." _The girl dusted her gown off and walked right past the short red devil. "Huh, this place isn't half bad."

She gazed at the enormous interior of the Heinous mansion. The walls were a deep jade-green color, with dozens of torch lights mounted on them that emitted hypnotizing bright green flames. There were countless portraits of other devil monsters that looked a little like Lucifer, probably his relatives. The staircase that ran up the mansion was enormous, and seemed to run on forever through all the numerous floors of the house. There were marble busts, decorated vases, beautiful plants, and life-sized statues of Lucifer spread all throughout the huge foyer.

"I'd like to think so." Lucifer stated with an arrogant tone. He shut the door and began walking toward his entertainment room. He didn't even bother gesturing for the girl to follow him; it's not like there was anyone else there for her to see.

He walked across the foyer and turned down one of the many hallways in his enormous mansion. He passed several doors, with the girl's shadow trailing him from behind, before finally reaching a gigantic room with a large brown sofa, a single upholstered recliner, and a giant flat screen T.V. that covered the room's entire left wall. The emerald green room with dark and light brown checkered flooring also had speakers strewn on the walls and a large amount of game systems piled up near the T.V.

Lucifer walked right over to his comfy recliner and plopped down on it. He adjusted the chair to his favorite laid-back position and stretched himself out. "Ahhhhh that feels nice."

He turned his head toward the room's entrance. That uppity little girl was just standing there, staring at him suspiciously.

"Well? Are you going to sit down or _not_?" He asked with a tired, impatient yawn. The red devil was still pretty irritable. It was nearly 5 o'clock in the morning now and he had no sleep, no coffee, and no breakfast. That smiley little freak from the day before had also put him in an especially sour mood.

The girl stepped over to the brown couch and leaped onto it. She squirmed to get comfortable, never taking her eyes off Lucifer.

The red devil noticed the girl staring fiercely at him. Her eyes seemed fiery, yet icy and cold. _"Interesting…" _

The pair's staring contest went on for another minute before he finally spoke up. "So… what is it that you wanted exactly?"

The girl folded her arms and sighed. "I need a house. A _nice_ one." Her eyes detached from the red devil's face and locked onto the floor. "I went to get one yesterday, but your crappy Realty Dept. gave me a million forms to fill out. Then when I was half-way finished, I saw that they gave me forms for a _trailer car_. Then they gave me another kagillion papers to fill out for a _real _house and when I finally finished those they handed me a receipt and told me they could give it to me in 6-8 weeks,_ at the earliest."_

The red devil nodded along at the girl's self-described 'ordeal'. It wasn't really surprising to him since his Misery Inc. Realty Department is supposed to make new (and current) home buyers as miserable as possible. Endless paperwork and long delays happen to be its best tools for the job.

The girl's eyes circled around the room. "-So I started trashing the office, attacking workers, and throwing anything that wasn't bolted down…"

Lucifer held back a smile trying to form on his tired face. The thought of his pathetic workers being attacked and assaulted by a small girl brightened his mood.

"…So finally, this one guy who I was going to stab with a stapler told me I could get my house right away if I went to "_Lucius Heinous the Seventh."_ I noticed in your little welcoming video that you were the main squeeze around here, so I thought…"

Lucifer's eyebrow shot up. "First of all, it's _**Lucifer**__ Heinous the Seventh_. And you thought _I _would just sign off a house for you; out of the kindness of my heart?"

The devil's eyes twitched from exhaustion. He tried to keep himself awake, but his comfy chair and horrible night's sleep weren't helping him.

The girl's eyes returned to Lucifer's half-closed ones. "C'mon, there are tons of houses in this place. And that guy said all you have to do is sign one little paper and I can get one right away." Her eyes drifted back towards the floor, now avoiding the tired, apathetic stare from the short red devil. "I'm-I'm normally not one to beg, but I've been freezing out in the cold for two nights now; I just need _somewhere _to sleep… I don't really have any family here. I'm all alone."

Lucifer could see tears starting to form in the girl's eyes. They began to lightly drip down her face; she looked like she was trying her best to hold them in. Finally, the small girl clasped her hands together in a pleading motion. Her cold, tear-filled, icy-blue eyes softened in her plea to the devil. "Please Mr. Heinous. I-I'd be eternally grateful to you if you could just please sign a new house for me."

Seeing the girl's tears drip onto the floor from her large, sparkling blue eyes caused Lucifer's own tired face to soften. "Well… since you put it like that… _No._"

"Oh thank you so mu- wait… Did you say '_No_'?" The girl's sad, innocent, tear-dotted face reverted back to her fuming one from before. "How could you say **_NO_?**"

Lucifer's mouth broke into a tired grin. "Please. I could see your cute little sob-story act from a mile away. *_YAWN* _If it makes you feel any better though, I wouldn't have done it even if you hadn't been faking it."

The girl wiped the fake tears flowing down her red face and clenched her fists in rage. "Oh yeah? Well what if I _beat_ a house out of you instead!" She pounced from the couch onto Lucifer's recliner and caused it to fall over. The red devil fell backward along with the chair and tumbled onto the floor.

Lucifer lifted his aching body and looked over at the girl. He could see she was furious, but also pretty determined to get his sign off. He calmly picked himself up and fixed his ruffled pajamas.

"Hitting me isn't going to work either." He stated calmly.

"And why not?" She asked angrily. The girl looked as if she was about to charge at him.

"I know you may think I look small and weak, but there's a good reason why_ I'm_ in charge around here. All these monsters don't just obey my every command because they _want _to. Haven't you ever heard of how powerful the devil can be?"

The girl thought over his words and calmed herself. Lucifer _was_ pretty scrawny looking for a supposed Ultimate Demon of Death and Destruction. Back on Earth, the stories she'd hear about the devil made him sound huge and frightening, not short and wimpy. But there obviously had to be _something _that was making everyone obey this short, red devil monster. Otherwise, it seemed like he would be pretty easy to overthrow. Maybe it was some sort of Hellish superpower that wasn't visible in his outward appearance.

She relaxed her body, but kept her determined glare. If this guy really did have some sort of power that let him control everyone, then she knew she didn't want to go up against it. "…So if I can't pound you for a house… how can I get you to sign one for me?"

Lucifer had already propped his recliner back up and seated himself down on it again. "_*YAWN* _Well, it doesn't really look like you have anything I want."

The girl looked down and thought over what the Devil might want from her. "…What if I sell you my soul?"

She didn't really need her soul. It's not like she was using it for anything important anyway. She was already dead and in Hell; what difference did it make?

Lucifer didn't even bat an eyelash. "Sorry but I've already got it. Once someone is sent to Hell, their soul is automatically forfeited to me on arrival."

The girl tried to think quickly. "What if we made a deal? You could give me the house now, and I could work off the debt later. Any job you need done, I can do it."

The red devil gave a tired chuckle. "The kinds of jobs I currently need require someone ruthless; cold; heartless; diabolical; and just plain _evil. _And you, little girl, don't really seem to fit the profile."

The girl clenched her fists and bit her lip. She tried to suppress the intense rage that was exploding inside of her from being called a '_little girl'._ She took a deep breath and tried to hide the anger in her voice. "I'm 14 years old; _not _a little girl. And I think you'll find that I'm more than capable of being cold and heartless." The girl's face suddenly lit up with pride. "Back on Earth, I was quite the serial killer."

Lucifer quirked his brow. "Oh really?" He looked over the short, feisty girl. She was definitely mean-spirited and devious, with an extreme violent side to boot. "And just how many people did you kill exactly?"

A wide smile broke across the girl's face. "Thirty-two. And that was just in two years too."

"_Hmmmm; not bad." _Lucifer thought to himself.

The red devil mulled over what to do. He was getting pretty sick of people bothering him for houses and he really didn't have a use for a serial killer at the moment. His Minotaur guards were just as apt at bludgeoning and maiming civilians. Just then an idea popped into his brain. A nasty, sinister, awful idea.

A smile spread across the red devil's face. "You must really like hurting people, huh?" He asked with a grin.

"Yeah, you could say it's a passion of mine." The girl responded as she smiled and innocently looked up toward the ceiling. "I also enjoy causing destruction and _spreading misery_."

Lucifer's smile widened. He could tell she was trying to get on his good side, especially with that misery remark. "Well what a coincidence. I love causing pain and spreading misery as well."

Lucifer hopped off of his recliner and stretched his arms. He wasn't feeling quite so tired anymore. He turned back toward the girl, still smiling. "You know what? I think I _do _have a job for you. One that would be perfect for someone with your _talents_."

The girl's face lit up. "Ooo what is it? What is it?" She asked eagerly. "Whatever it is, I can do it."

The red devil's smile morphed into a wicked grin. "There's this boy that I need you to _take care of._"

The girl's enthusiasm quickly vanished from her face. "Whoa, whoa buddy. When I said I could do _anything_, I didn't mean-"

"Relax," Lucifer cut her off; he knew exactly where she was heading, "It's nothing like _that_. I just need you to make this kid _miserable_. He's entirely too smiley and nice, the exact opposite of what someone in Hell should be."

"Ooooh; So you want me to break him then?" She inquired with a hint of menacing anticipation.

"_Exactly._ I want him to cry, to bleed, to scream and beg for mercy. I want you to break him so badly, that he'll set a new high on the Misery Index. I'd do it myself of course, but I'm terribly busy running Hell and the factory."

The girl rubbed her hands together diabolically. "No need to worry Mr. Heinous. I'll break this kid so badly that by the time I'm done with him, he won't even remember _how_ to smile; MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Perfect." The red devil smiled evilly as the girl broke out in maniacal laughter. "And make sure that he comes out hateful as well. I want him to be more than just a broken-spirited sad sack; I want him to be mean, nasty, and capable of breaking a set of teeth without even batting an eyelash."

"That won't be a problem sir." The girl chuckled sinisterly. "So what's the name of our lucky victim?"

Lucifer's grin widened. "_Jimmy Two-Shoes__."_

"Consider it done Mr. Heinous. So do we have a deal?" She extended her hand toward the red devil.

"It's a deal." He extended his claws forward and shook.

"Now…" The girl suddenly broke in again, "about my house. I have a nice one already picked out. _And_ it's pretty close by, so it'll make it easier for me to report back to you, or if you wanted to reach me for any _other _villainous jobs."

Lucifer blinked with confusion. _"What in Miseryville is this little girl up to?" _He pondered in his mind with suspicion. But finally, it dawned on him. _"Ah, very sneaky…"_

This girl wasn't just after a house. She wanted him to give her a real job at the factory as well. And from the looks of it, she wouldn't be satisfied with just any lowly job assembling products; she'd want a job that would _really _bring about misery and destruction.

Lucifer was beginning to like this girl. "Well now that that's out of the way, I'm going to grab some breakf-"

"Ahem!" The girl put her hands on her waist and gave an irritated glare at the short, red devil.

"What? What do you want now?" Lucifer asked, getting rather exasperated again.

The girl narrowed her eyes in annoyance, "Aren't you going to ask what _my _name is? I _am _your new employee you know."

"Alright fine," The red devil rolled his eyes, "and what is _your_ name my dear?"

She smiled. "It's Heloise. That's _Hell-o-weez_, with one L. It's a French name." She stated proudly.

"Yeah, I got it. Thanks."

The red devil held his claws over his belly. He hadn't eaten anything from the night before and his stomach felt like it was about to collapse on itself. "Ugh, I'm starving. Samael had better have my breakfast ready when I get to the kitchen." He hungrily moaned to himself.

Heloise's face grew a look of concern. "This Samael guy… he wouldn't happen to be short and green with a big nose and annoying lisp by any chance, would he?"

"Yep, that's him alright… Wait- how do you know Samael?"

The girl looked up and gave a nervous smile. "Well you see, before you came down to open the door for me, your friend came out on your bedroom balcony and told me to stop pounding on your door so I wouldn't wake you up. I _told _him that I just wanted to talk to you, but he said to quit it or he'd release your lions on me… So I sort of chucked a rock at him, and he fell from the balcony. I think he's still lying out on the lawn unconscious."

Lucifer burst out laughing at the image of Samael knocked out cold by a small girl. This _Heloise _girl reminded him of himself when he was a teenager.

"Well, I guess that means I'm cooking then." The devil declared as he stretched his arms again. Lucifer surprisingly found himself in a much better mood than before. He turned toward the girl and gestured for her to follow him. "C'mon my dear, let's go get you that housing contract."

He began walking toward the room's exit when he noticed she wasn't following him. She was just standing there, with her hands behind her back and her eyes focused towards the ceiling.

"_*Sigh* _Okay, what is it now?" He moaned, now a little more used to her erratic behavior.

Heloise cleared her throat. "_I_ wouldn't mind having some breakfast either." She hadn't eaten anything since her arrival in Miseryville. Normally she would have just stolen some food, but all the meat and fruit in Hell looked so weird and unappetizing. "Do you have any bacon and eggs?"

The red devil smiled. This girl really _was _new to Hell. "Better than that, I can make us some sizzled Weavil and a Miserybird egg omelet."

The girl folded her arms in annoyance. "_Humph, _well do you at least have any normal toast around here? Or is that made from something weird too?"

"Don't worry," Lucifer smiled as he led her toward the hallway, "you'll get used to it."


	10. All Settled In

Okay, I'm not gonna lie; I enjoyed putting Dorkus in here more than I should have. I know he definitely wasn't a concept character, and has a rather small role in the actual show as well, but he's one of my favorite secondary JTS characters. Other than Lucius, I see Dorkus as a stand-in father figure type character in Heloise's life. I know the show makes a point to show her being rather cruel to him but I always inferred that he had some sort of fatherly/guardian type relationship with her, seeing as they live together and he's a fully grown man and she's only 14 years old; and the fact that he's a pretty nice guy (despite being incredibly lazy as an assistant). Plus he's just so small and adorable. How could you not like him?

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 10<span>

_All Settled In_

"_*Moan*_ Ugh when is this going to be over? This is torture."

"Shhhh, Beezy, I wanna hear the tour guide." Jimmy turned back toward the female monster guiding the group toward another building.

"But it's so early, and my feet are killing me. I've never walked this much in my entire life." The large red monster moaned.

"Aw, c'mon Beez, don't you want to know all this cool stuff about Miseryville?" Jimmy unfolded the pamphlet that the tour guide had given them. "It says here that Miseryville was founded over 10,000 years ago, by Lucifer Heinous the First. Whoa Beezy, that must be your great-great-great-great-great-granddad."

"Fascinating…" The large red devil monster feigned interest as he rubbed his eyes and yawned. "So remind me why we had to get up so early again? The suns are barely up."

Jimmy's face was still buried in the pamphlet. "I told you dude, we have a lot to do today, so we had to start extra early to pack everything in. After this, we're gonna check out the park and the forest. Then tomorrow maybe we can visit Miseryville's mountains, and then the beach!"

Jimmy was practically bouncing up and down from anticipation. The _Guide to Miseryville _pamphlet that the tour guide had given him was full of places to visit and things to do.

Beezy tried to keep his eyes open as he dragged himself along with Jimmy and the touring group of monsters. He had passed all these places and buildings hundreds of times before, but he never knew the history behind them. Not that he really cared though.

"So is there anything in there about getting something to eat?" The monster asked as he held his empty stomach. Jimmy had shaken him awake and pulled him out of his house without even letting him eat breakfast first.

"Yeah it says right here," The boy pointed to a page at the end of the pamphlet. "_The Best Restaurants and Food Sites: Serving Monsters for Thousands of Years. _We could totally go to some of these. They look really good."

Beezy bent over and looked at the different places to eat. "Well at least that pamphlet's good for something."

"Let's go, we're falling behind." Jimmy grabbed Beezy's arm and pulled him faster toward the tour troop.

"-And over on your left you'll see Miseryville's Official Sports Stadium. Used originally by Lucifer Heinous The First as a venue where monsters were forcibly pitted against each other in duels to the death, it's now used for pretty much that exact same thing, but sometimes on the weekends Lucifer VII allows soccer matches. The Misery Inc. Clones have never lost a match. And over here, you'll see-"

Jimmy drifted in and out of the tour guide's words. He was too busy memorizing everything about Miseryville. The pamphlet said Miseryville was the only populated place on the entire planet. Everything else was just volcanic rock, mountains, and ocean. _"Huh, that's weird."_

"-And right over here, you'll see Miseryville's downtown district. It has hundreds of buildings for entertainment, shopping, food, business, and much more. Considered the least miserable spot in the city, it's perfect for unwinding after a long day of depression and self-loathing." The tour guide stopped walking and turned to face the group. "Well that concludes our tour of Miseryville. Please feel free to ask me any remaining ques-"

"Um yes, excuse me ma'am?" Jimmy waved his arm in the air, trying to get the tour guide's attention amid all the other monsters crowded around him. "But what about the Misery Inc. factory?"

The tour guide's friendly face suddenly grew nervous. "Oh uh, sorry. We aren't allowed over there." She turned her head and looked around worriedly. "In fact, I would probably recommend avoiding that place as much as possible."

"Why?" Jimmy asked, not picking up on her increasing anxiety.

The tour guide gave a nervous smile. "Well because our dear, handsome, powerful ruler: Lucifer Heinous the Seventh, doesn't really like tour groups. Or visitors. Or monsters in general."

"_Huh. That doesn't sound like Lucy."_ Jimmy thought to himself.

"Well if there are no more questions then I'll leave you all to have a slightly less miserable day."

The group of monsters disbanded, with many headed toward the downtown shops and buildings. Jimmy was still looking through the pamphlet. It didn't mention a single thing about the Misery Inc. factory. _"Now that's really weird." _He turned to Beezy, who had fallen asleep while standing up. "Hey Beezy, why don't we go get some breakfast. Maybe that'll wake you up."

The sleeping red devil monster's eyes shot open. "Now you're talking. Let's go!" Beezy grabbed Jimmy in his arms and ran down the street toward the dozens of restaurants Miseryville's downtown area offered.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"What's taking so long!" The girl barked from the front of the lawn.

"Oh I-I'm terribly sorry miss. We'll have everything moved in and assembled in just a moment."

"Well hurry up buster! I have other things to do you know." Heloise watched as the last of the furniture was loaded off the truck. "Hey be careful with that!"

Although she was a little crabby, the girl's insides were ecstatic at the sight of her new house being filled with beautiful furniture. The house itself was just her kind of place. It was tall and cozy looking, with stone bluish-grey walls and a blue bricked chimney running along the house's side. It had three circular windows on the house's upper floor, and even an awning that shaded the right side of the house. And to top it all off, it was only _two _houses down her new boss_ and _the ruler of Hell.

"Okay miss, th-that's the last of it. Your carpeting and f-furniture are all set up." The movers then hurriedly sprinted back in their van and took off.

The girl smiled and waved goodbye. "Thanks for everything."

She was able to _convince _the furniture depot to give her all her furniture for free, partly from being Lucifer Heinous the Seventh's new right hand killer—or at least that's what she told them—and from just being _extremely persuasive._

She walked through the front door of her new house and took a deep breath. "Ahhhh, now this is a home."

Heloise gazed at the inside of her brand new house. The first room to come into view was the living room. It was spacious, and tidy looking, with a new red couch, skull shaped cabinet and shelf,and a tall red-bricked fireplace. Chandeliers hung from her ceiling, and the new flower pots set up along the hallway really brought out the color of the place. Her new beige carpeting would look especially nice with the green and teal wall color scheme that she was planning on adding later.

She could see the entrance to her new kitchen, which she made sure to stock with the best new appliances. A brand new refrigerator, oven, stove, toaster, multiple blue cabinets for her pots and pans, and a beautiful new marble counter top. Her bathroom and bedroom were on the second floor of the house.

Heloise strolled over to her new couch and laid down on it. She was so exhausted from wandering around for two days with no good place to sleep; but she was proud of herself. She had managed to secure her first real job, even though it was only temporary, and get a new house with all the fixings; all in just three days too.

"_*YAWN* _Must sleep… _*groan* _but I can't." The small girl lifted her tired head from the soft coach and fumbled onto her aching feet. She wanted to sleep badly but she had one last thing to do for the day. She was on the clock with her new job and she didn't want to blow it.

Heloise dragged herself from the house and shut the door on her way out. She began walking down the street, past the small little red roofed house next door to her (_Thank Satan she didn't pick that puny little eyesore)_ and her new boss' lavish mansion. She giggled as she walked past the posh, elegant Heinous manor.

"_After that Heinous guy sees what a good job I'm gonna do to this Jimmy, he'll give me a permanent job for sure."_

She pondered her new future position at that huge factory up north from the neighborhood. She wanted an important one with an authoritative title, like Executive Minister of Evil and Chaos. Or Head Chairwoman of Pain and Suffering. Or even _Vice-Ruler of Hell and Miseryville!_ But most important of all, she wanted her new job to be something that would let her _really _deal out torture and devastation.

Heloise caught herself smiling and quickly tried to suppress it. She put on her standard tough, irritated expression and continued toward the Misery Inc. factory. A quick trip back to that Realty Department, and then she could go straight home and sleep for the day.

The girl walked right past the faulty, misery inducing intercom at the factory's entrance and continued along the wall until she reached a door located at the far-east side of the complex. She pushed her way in and looked around. The office had been repaired and cleaned since her little incident the day before, and that guy she was going to staple to second-death was still working at his desk.

She calmly walked over and waved to get his attention. "Hello there, it's me again."

The monster behind the desk took one look at Heloise and screamed like a small girl. "AHHHHHHHHH! Wha-What do you want? I thought you already got your house?"

He tried to bolt from his chair but the girl grabbed him by his sleeve.

"Relax pal, I'm not here to smash up the place again. I just need a bit of information."

The monster's panicked breathing calmed slightly. "J-Just information? You're not going to try and staple my face again are you?"

Heloise smiled. "Only if you say no."

"W-Well, alright then."

The girl loosened her grip on the monster's sleeve and let him return to typing on his computer. He brought up a site that looked like the Realty Dept. online records. "Okay, so what is it you need to know?"

"I need to know where a certain person lives. I've been trying to get in touch with him you see, but I have no idea where to start. His name's Jimmy Two-Shoes."

"Jimmy _Two-Shoes_? Are you sure that's not just a nickname? Our records don't really carry a customers' nickname."

Heloise's face crinkled with annoyance. "Look buddy, that's just the name I was give- I mean that's the only name I know him by. Just type it in and see what comes up."

The monster began typing and then clicked. A page instantly popped up with dozens of monster profiles.

"Okay let's see here… we have Johnny Two-Smiles, Jaime Two-Squirrels, Joey Two-Skis, Jimmy _One-Shoe_ (wow that's weird), and Jim- ah here we go, _Jimmy Two-Shoes."_

"Perfect!" Heloise exclaimed as she hoisted herself on the desk and looked at the screen. "Where does he live?"

The worker narrowed his eyes and tried to point out the address with his monster claw. "It says here he lives at 26 Misery Street. Looks like he just got the house yesterday too."

Heloise blinked and stared at her victim's address. "_26 Misery Street? 26 MISERY STREET?"_

She couldn't help be taken by surprise; _her_ new home's address was 28 Misery Street. She and this Jimmy Two-Shoes were apparently next door neighbors. "_Oh boy, Lucifer isn't going to like this." _She thought.

She wondered if the short, red devil creature even knew that his target was living right next door to him as well. After all, the Heinous mansion was perched right on 24 Misery Street. _"If he knew that this Jimmy guy was living next door to him, then he probably would have told me." _She figured it was probably best that she keep this little nugget to herself. She didn't want any minor details blowing her shot at her dream job.

"Uh hello… you still there?"

The girl snapped out of her thoughts and saw that she had blanked out for a few moments. The monster behind the computer was staring at her with a slight fearfulness. "You okay?"

"Oh of course." The girl hopped off the desk and adjusted the hair band on her dirty-blond ponytail. "Well thanks a lot. I guess we're even now."

"E-Even?"

"Yeah, _I_ didn't staple you in the face and _you _repaid me by helping me out. So we're even."

Heloise continued out of office and made her way onto the main road back to the suburbs.

After a long, exhausting walk back to her neighborhood under the heat of Miseryville's three suns, Heloise eyed the small, red roofed house sandwiched between the Heinous mansion and her own home. _"It figures this guy would have such poor taste in housing." _

She decided to try and see if he was there. Just to get a quick glimpse of her new _assignment. "One little peek couldn't hurt." _She reasoned in her mind.

Heloise innocently strolled over to the front door of the small white house, all while formulating a story in her head. If that guy _did_ answer the door, she would just tell him that she was his new neighbor and wanted to be friends or something like that.

_**Knock Knock. **_"Yoouuuwhoooo, anyone there?"

She waited a few moments, adjusting her hair band and dusting off her newly cleaned maroon gown. Thank goodness Lucifer let her wash it at his mansion that morning; she was getting sick of running around in blood-stained clothes.

After a few minutes, it was clear that nobody was home. "Oh well, guess I'll try again tomorrow."

She followed the path down the sidewalk one house over to _her_ beautiful new house; perched right on 28 Misery St.

"_*YAWN* _Ugh, what a day. My feet are killing me."

She entered through the door and went straight up the stairs to her new bedroom.

The room was decorated in blue, her second favorite color next to red of course, with blue stone-block walls and a bluish-grey concrete floor. She had gotten a nightstand, a wooden dresser, and a tall monster shaped lamp for the room. A princess sized bed (at least for her small body it was) with light blue flower-patterned sheets and covers, and a large bookcase behind it that was hung up in the center of the wall. She had a window which overlooked the front lawn, and the blue flower-patterned drapes she had hung up really made the room come together.

"Ahhh sweet bed; how I've longed for your embrace." She jumped right onto the soft, single mattress bed, wrapped herself in its warm covers and closed her eyes. "Hmmmm goodnight."

"Sweet dreams. Don't let the lavaworms bite."

"_*YAWN* _mmmMmm Thanks… wha- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Heloise screamed and tumbled off of the bed, dragging the sheets she was intertwined in off as well. "Who's there? Show yourself pal!"

She looked around the room frantically for any sign of intrusion. The shock of someone breaking in while she was nearly asleep had caused her tiredness to disappear completely. "Whoever's there better come out right now!"

"Oh gee, sorry to scare ya."

The girl pulled the sheets off her body and turned, ready to attack whatever monster was waiting for her, when she felt a tiny hand grasp onto her own. She looked down and saw a small, pale beige, Lilliputian-like monster in pajamas shaking her hand. He was about half of her own short height, with combed brown hair, two small stubby horns, and a single Cyclops eye covered by single lens glasses. "Hi there, nice to me ya; the name's Dorkus."

Heloise tightened her hand on the small creature and threw him against the wall. _OOOPH. _The monster bounced off the wall and plopped onto the ground.

"OoOoo the pleasure'sss all mine." The small monster stumbled up, dizzy with disorientation from the hard crash.

"Okay, talk! Just who are you and what are you doing in my house?" Heloise demanded angrily.

The small creature shook his confusion off and smiled. "Well, like I said before, my name's Dorkus. I'd show you my card, but I'm not really in my business clothes." He pointed to the pajamas he was wearing. "And you sorta' came into _my _house."

The girl folded her arms, maintaining her angry frown. "That's impossible; this place was completely abandoned when I found it. And the Realty Dept. said no one was living here."

The tiny monster laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "Well there's your problem. The Misery Inc. Realty Department is supposed to make your life miserable. They tell everyone buying a house that it's available, even when it's not. It's supposed to create big problems for you and drag you into even more paperwork to get it all fixed later on. Besides, I don't really use the upper floors of this place anyway, I live in the basement."

Heloise clenched her fists in rage. "Why those no good, dirty-"

"Hey whoa, whoa, relax." The small monster cut her off, "They're just doing their job. If the Realty Dept. doesn't create a little misery here and there, they'd get canned by Lucifer. And when I say canned, I mean dismembered and fed to his serpents. But don't worry, I don't mind if you live here. We can be housemates."

The girl narrowed her eyes in suspicion. This guy didn't really seem to fit the profile of a sinful monster of Hell. He seemed… nice. A little _too_ nice. "Soooo, Mr. _Dorkus, _how exactly did you wind up here?"

"Hmmm well I came home after work and saw the place all decked out, so I figured someone must have moved in while I was gon-"

"No, no not that." Heloise shook her head. "I mean what did you do to get sent to _Hell_?"

"Oooooh _that_. Ummm well-" The small monster rubbed his head, trying to think. "…Huh; I guess it's been so long I can't even remember what I did. Whatever it was, I guess it was bad enough to get me into Hell though."

"You don't _seem_ all that bad." Heloise remarked.

Dorkus smiled. "Gee thanks. Between you and me, I'm not really into the whole 'causing misery' thing. The only reason I work at Misery Inc. is because it pays pretty well, at least compared to the other jobs around here."

The girl's ears perked up. "_You_ work at Misery Inc.?" She couldn't believe that this nice little pip-squeak actually scored a job at the most misery-inducing place in Hell. He was probably just some assembly worker or something. "What do you do exactly?"

The small monster's face beamed with pride. "You are lookin' at the head inventor of Misery Inc.'s Product Creation division. I come up with ideas for the products in Misery Inc.'s catalogue. I make prototypes for new inventions too, and if the boss man likes them, then they get mass produced in the factory."

"Wow," Heloise remarked, a little envious, "so you actually get _paid _to invent things that cause misery?"

"You bet. _*Cough* _In fact, one of my recent inventions just became a top-seller. Have you by chance seen the new Misery Inc. _Anti-Cool Freezer™_? That was all me."

"Huh, you don't say." She pretended to sound impressed, never hearing that invention before at all. "Well uh, my name's Heloise… sorry about hurling you at the wall."

"Aw don't worry about it; I get knocked around all the time. I'm used to it." The monster stopped and stared at Heloise with his Cyclops eye. "So tell me; how'd a cute girl like you get into Hell?"

Heloise smiled. "I sorta stabbed 32 people to death."

"Oh." Dorkus responded, trying to hide his surprise. He never would have guessed this little girl could be a serial killer. "So I guess you got put to death huh?"

"No actually I- I uh… um…" Heloise rubbed her head. "I…I- died from…from…"

Her mind was blank! She couldn't remember what killed her! She recalled that stupid receptionist from Purgatory had told her what it was, but three days in Hell had already caused her to forget.

"Did you get hit by something?" The small monster cut in. "Most people who die that way end up losing part of their memory."

"O-Oh yeah! Yeah that's it." It was starting to come back to her. "I was running from the cops and I got hit by… umm… _lemonade_? Nonono wait, not lemonade, it was uh… a _shiny quarter_?…wait-." Now she realized she was just sounding stupid. "I can't really remember what happened…"

Dorkus just smiled with a look of sympathy on his face. "Hey don't worry; I can't remember what I died from either. After a while in Hell, you just sorta forget these things. It doesn't really matter now anyways, we're already dead."

"Yeah, I guess…" Heloise looked out the window. The suns had nearly set, and the sky was turning a reddish-lavender color. "Well it's getting pretty late _*YAWN*… _I think I'm gonna turn in."

"Oh yeah, I should probably turn in too. I'll be in the basement if you need me. Night."

Dorkus was nearly out the door before Heloise suddenly spoke up again. "Hey wait a minute!"

"Huh? Yes?" The small monster turned around with a sound of surprise in his voice.

"You know the house right next door, the small one with the red roof? You didn't by chance see whoever moved in did you?"

"Hmmm, the house with the red roof…" Dorkus rubbed his head and closed his eyes, trying to remember. "Oh yeah, I did! I was leaving for work pretty early this morning when I saw him run out to Lucifer's garage. He was kind of hard to miss."

"Did you see what he looked like?"

"Well uh, I definitely remember him being human, that's how I figured he was new around here. He was moving so fast that I didn't really get to see his face, but uh, I think he was white with blond hair."

"Oh, thanks. I wanted to talk to him today, but he wasn't there. I guess I'll try again in the morning."

"I'll wake ya early then, so you won't miss him. _*YAWN* _Whelp, goodnight." Dorkus yawned as he turned back around.

"Night." Heloise watched the small monster exit, and heard his minuscule footsteps hop down the stairs.

She turned back to her messy bed, with the sheets thrown on the floor and sighed. Even though she was already dead, she didn't want to forget her life on Earth, but her memories felt like they were slipping. Now that she actually thought about it, she couldn't recall anything from when she was alive, other than running from the police and murdering people. Her parents, her old school, and even her last name were coming up as blanks in her head. She couldn't even remember how she had died.

"This place sucks." She muttered under her breath.

The suns had set by now, and outside her window, she could see the moon starting to brighten Hell's dark purple sky.

"_*Sigh* _Guess I'll go to bed now…"

Heloise picked up her sheets from the floor and began fixing them back onto her bed. She wasn't quite as tired as she had been before; more than anything, she was pretty depressed. The girl then hopped into bed and pulled the covers over her body.

"Goodnight!" She yelled out angrily, feeling the need to release some of the emotion that was building up inside her. The small girl then buried her head into her pillow and forced herself to sleep.


	11. Guess Who's Coming To Dinner

Yes, yes; I know. This chapter is somewhat pointless since Beezy really shouldn't have a main role in this pilot story—seeing as his character didn't really exist at the time—but the idea for this scene just kind of popped into my head, and it was a perfect way to get Lucy's motivation for getting rid of Jimmy to skyrocket.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 11<span>

_Guess Who's Coming to Dinner_

"Man Beezy, today was great." Jimmy grinned ear to ear. "I still can't believe you ate off all the food in that place."

"_*Moan* _Don't remind me." The large red devil monster was dragging himself as Jimmy walked beside him. "Ugh, we've been walking all daaayyyyyy, and now I'm starving again."

"Don't worry buddy, we're almost home now."

Jimmy could barely make out Misery Street up ahead of them. It was incredibly dark, with only a sliver of moonlight breaking through the thick clouds above them.

"So what do you want to do when we get back?" Jimmy asked excitedly. He wasn't tired in the least. All the excitement from the day left him feeling hyper enough to stay up all night.

"Eat. Sleep." Beezy moaned as he struggled to keep moving.

"And just think of all the stuff we're gonna do tomorrow. We can hike up the mountains in the morning, and then swim at the beach all afternoon."

"I guess…" Beezy muttered softly. The monster's body was aching from hunger and exhaustion. The amount of walking he had done that day was enough exercise to last him his entire life.

Finally, they made it back to their block. Beezy had never been so happy to see his house. "C'mon, I don't know how much longer I can last without food." The fat red devil monster was halfway to his house's door when he stopped. "Uh oh."

"What's the matter Beez?" Jimmy asked as he saw a frown form on Beezy's face.

"I forgot; I have to go over to my dad's house for dinner tonight." The large red devil's frown deepened.

"Oh, well I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

Jimmy turned around, about to start walking toward his own house, when he felt a claw on his shoulder.

"Wait! Uh, since were frands now, do you wanna come over with me?"

Jimmy's face lit up. "Sure! I can't wait to see your dad again. He'll be so surprised to see me!"

"_*Sigh* _Well let's get this over with." Beezy began walking back toward the street, with Jimmy following him from behind.

"So where does your dad live?" Jimmy asked, expecting a long walk across Miseryville.

"Right over here." Beezy pointed to the huge, elegant mansion only a few yards away from his garage house.

"Whoa, that close? I had no idea."

Beezy started moving toward the side of the mansion. "_*Sigh* _In here." He opened a door fixed on the left side of the house.

"Thanks Beez."

Jimmy skipped inside, with Beezy dragging his feet and tail behind him.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

"Uh your Heinous? Your dinner's ready."

The short green troll handed a towel to his naked boss, who was just stepping out of the bath.

"It's about time. I'm starving." Lucifer grabbed the towel and dried himself off as he made his way toward his bedroom.

"Oh and don't forget, Beelzebub's coming tonight too."

"Who is _that_?" Lucifer asked coldly as he was pulling his clothes over his body, paying little attention to his worthless assistant.

"Uh, he's your son."

"…My son?"

"_*Sigh* _I mean your _disappointment_." Samy responded as he rolled his eyes.

"Ohhhhh, _him. _Well what's he doing here? Didn't I give him the garage to live in so he wouldn't bother me anymore?"

Lucifer started walking towards his dining room, a little faster now that he knew his disappointment was coming. The last time Beelzebub came, all the food was gone before he had even managed to get there.

"He comes every month chief. Remember what that child services agent said? If you don't spend at least a couple hours a month with him, they'll make the two of you live together again."

The short, red devil cringed. "Ick, anything but _that_." One dinner a month with his son was worth spending the other twenty-nine in peace. "Fine, let's just get this over with."

He pushed open the door to his dining room, taking in the smells of the food that were already on the long, narrow dining table. _"Mmmmm yum."_

"Oh, hey dad."

Lucifer turned his head toward the end of the table and saw his disappointment already sitting with a mountain of food on his plate. "Hello _Beelzebub_. How nice to see you." As he stood there, lying through his teeth, he noticed a second plate piled with food next to his disappointment. "I see you've already gotten a head start on seconds."

"What?" Beezy turned and looked at the second plate. "No dad, that's Jimmy's plate."

Lucifer was already seated, piling roasted larvae, boiled eyeballs, and severed tentacles onto his plate. "Who's Jimmy?"

"Jimmy's my frand dad. I met him yesterday. He just went to the bathroom for a second."

Lucifer didn't even look up from his plate. "That's _friend _you big idiot. And the day _you _have an actual friend is the day Miseryville freezes over."

Beezy's head lowered. _This _is why he hated being with his dad. "He is too my _friend_…" He whispered to himself.

Just then, the door to the dining room swung open. "Man Beezy, this place is huge. _Mmmm_ the food smells great!"

Lucifer's chewing mouth grinded to a halt. His hand full of food froze in front of him, and his ears shot up like rockets. _"That voice… it sounds so familiar." _

He looked over and saw his worst nightmare walking straight towards him. It was that stupid, blond, annoyingly-optimistic teenaged brat who had almost pushed him over the edge the day before. The horrified red devil nearly choked on the food crammed in his mouth as Jimmy took a seat next to Beezy.

"Hey there Lucerino! I bet you weren't expecting to see me."

Lucifer forced his food down his throat and tried to hide the horror in his voice. "Why _Jimmy_, what a _pleasant surprise_." The short, red devil gritted his teeth, and watched the smiling teen chow down on _his _food. He put on a fake smile, suppressing the overwhelming urge to scream in rage that was building inside his lungs. "Sooooooo _Jimmy_, how exactly did you and Beelzebub meet?"

"I met Beezy while I was walking home yesterday." Jimmy smiled as he continued eating. "Did you know that we're next door neighbors?"

The red devil's stomach dropped. "N-n-nei-nex-neighbors? Next door?" He barely managed to squeeze out in horrified shock.

"Yeah, " Jimmy took a bite out of some barbecue-sauce covered Gruggly ribs, while Beezy continued shoveling food into his own bottomless stomach, "I moved into 26 Misery Street. Isn't that great? Now we can visit each other all the time. All the time. All the time. ALL the time. All th-"

"Stop that!" The red devil snapped.

"Whoops, sorry." Jimmy said, not realizing that he was echoing out loud. "Anyway, Beezy and me spent the whole day together. He took me all over Miseryville."

"Well that's just lovely. Hey uh Beelzebub_-_" Lucifer turned toward his son, who was already stuffing his face with a third helping, "-could I talk to you for a moment. _Outside._"

"Sure dad." Beezy got up and grabbed a baked Miserybird drumstick as he and his dad walked out of the dining room.

"Try not to have too much fun without me." Jimmy laughed as he continued eating.

Lucifer and Beezy continued walking, until the short red devil was sure they were out of Jimmy's earshot. He then looked his fat, lazy, teenaged disappointment right in the eyes and made sure his scowl as at full length. "Tell me son; do you enjoy making me angry?"

Beezy was finishing his drumstick, not noticing the anger on his father's face. "No, why?"

"Well it's just that every single thing you do always seems to fill me with rage. So I figured you must be doing it on purpose."

Beezy paused and then frowned. Not _this _whole thing again. "Aw c'mon dad; what did I do now? I've just been sitting and eating."

Lucifer narrowed his eyes. "That _friend_ of yours, that _Goody Two-Shoes, _is a bad influence Beelzebub. I want you to stay away from him."

"But why dad?"

"Because he's so nice; so happy! It's disgusting! You're already fat, lazy, and stupid; I don't want you being a goody-goody too."

Beezy lowered his head and tried to hide the tears forming in his eyes.

"I mean honestly," Lucifer vented at his son, "you don't even like to create misery like me or your grandpa. I swear Beelzebub, you are the biggest disappointment of my life! And now this; hanging out with that goody two-shoes. It's like you're going through a list of ways to make me hate you even more-"

"Alright I get it!" Beezy shouted, wiping his tears from his face. "You want me to stop hanging out with Jimmy right?"

"Exactly. Trust me, it'll be much better for everyone if you never see or hear from Two-Shoes again."

Lucifer started walking back toward the dining room, eager to kick that smiling brat out of his house when he heard Beezy's voice speak up again.

"The answer is **no**."

The short, red devil stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. His fat, blubbering cry-baby of a son was still standing there, only now Beezy's head was held up higher, with a look of defiance.

"_What _did you just say to me?" Lucifer whispered coldly, still shocked at hearing the long forbidden N-word.

"I said the answer is _no_ dad. I'm gonna hang out with Jimmy whether you like it or not. It's _my _life, and I wanna decide things for myself. And if I wanna hang out with Jimmy, then I'm going to."

The large red devil walked right past his stunned father and dried his remaining tears. He got half-way to the dining room before the inevitable happened.

"**BEELZEBUB JOJO HEINOUS! GET BACK OVER HERE AT ONCE!"**

Beezy stopped and shivered. His dad only said Beezy's full name when he was _really _upset. He turned to see his father fuming with dark smoke coming out of his mouth. Beezy wanted to keep walking, but he was too scared of what his father would do to him if he did. The large red devil slowly began backing up until he was just within his father's reach.

Lucifer motioned for Beezy to bend down towards him. The frightened teenager bent, only to have his nose grabbed tightly and pulled down toward his father's height. Lucifer stared right into Beezy's eyes with his own soulless black ones.

"Listen you miserable, pathetic excuse for a Heinous, you might be your own man in your own little fantasy world but out here you _will _listen to and obey _me_! You live on _my _property, you eat _my _food, you came out of _my _stomach! So as long as you live and breathe, you _will _do as _I _say!" Lucifer shouted sternly.

"Oh yeah? Well I- wait what?"

"I said, since you live under _my_ roof (technically) and eat _my_ food, you will obey _me_!"

"Oh yeah? Well me and Jimmy are going to spend tomorrow together too, and there's nothing you can do to stop me." Beezy responded in defiance.

Lucifer released Beezy's nose and tightened his scowl. "Just watch me…" He whispered under his angry breath. "Now get out of my house!"

"Fine, I'm leaving!" Beezy stomped away, heading back toward the dining room where Jimmy was still waiting. He slammed open the door and saw Jimmy still eating happily from a plate full of spaghetti. "C'mon Jimmy, we're leaving!"

"Oh, ok. " Jimmy said, surprised that they were leaving so soon. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine!" Beezy shouted, still upset at his dad who was walking back towards them.

"Why are we yelling!" Jimmy shouted, not knowing what was going on.

"Because my dad's a jerk!"

"Oh!"

Beezy grabbed Jimmy's arm and began stomping toward the mansion's exit. He opened the large, ornate doors in the huge house's foyer and then turned.

"Goodnight!" He yelled out angrily, not caring if his father heard him or not. He just felt so upset.

"Goodnight Lucy!" Jimmy yelled out, not sensing the anger in Beezy's voice.

_**SLAM! **_The large red devil monster slammed the large doors behind him and Jimmy as they left.

"Good riddance…" Lucifer muttered under his breath.

He sat down at the dining table and began to shovel food into his mouth out of anger. Stupid Beelzebub. Stupid Two-Shoes. They had ruined his nice dinner with their stupidity. And where was that worthless serial killer he hired anyway? _She_ was supposed to _take care_ of that Jimmy brat, so he wouldn't cause trouble for him anymore.

"I'm gonna give _her_ a piece of my mind." He growled as he tore off a piece of raw slug-worm with his teeth.


	12. Eternal Damnation For Two

Now I know what you're thinking: '"_Fishing__? Where in the world did that come from?" _Well I decided to base this chapter purely on an alleged screenshot from the actual JTS pilot where Jimmy and Heloise are on a motor boat in the middle of a fiery red lake, and Heloise is in the middle of trying to light the "bait". If you've seen the screenshot, then you'll know what I'm attempting to do here, otherwise the whole fishing scene might come off as a bit weird and random.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 12<span>

_Eternal Damnation for Two_

"Youwhoo, wake up sleepyhead."

"_ZzzZZz- _wha-whazzat?" Heloise slowly opened her tired eyes. She turned her head slightly to see Dorkus standing by the side of her bed. "_*YAWN* _What time is it? Ugh, my head is killing me."

Dorkus checked the time on his cell phone. "It's 6:47; sorry to wake you up this early, but ah, you've got a phone call."

Heloise rubbed her tired eyes and stretched. "Me? A phone call?" It was a little surprising, since she didn't know anyone in Hell. "Who is it?"

"It's Lucifer."

The girl's heart skipped a beat. _"Uh oh." _

It had only been a day since he hired her. What could he possibly want to talk to her about so soon? _"Just relax Heloise. He's probably just calling for an update on your progress or something. Everything's going to be fine."_

"Thanks." Heloise nervously took the phone from her tiny housemate.

"No problem. Whelp, I'm gonna start getting ready for work."

Heloise watched as Dorkus left the room, shutting the door behind him. She then nervously eyed the cell phone in her hand, as if it were a bomb waiting to go off. _"Ok Heloise, just relax. You can do this." _The girl took a deep breath, and then put the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

"'_Hello?'! Is that all you've got to say to me!" _Lucifer barked angrily from the other end of the call.

"_Oh boy," _Heloise thought to herself, _"This isn't going to be pleasant."_

"…_I was having dinner the other night, and you'll never guess who decided to pop in."_

Heloise twiddled her ponytail nervously, already guessing the answer. "T-Two-Shoes?"

"_Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding! We've got a winner!" _Lucifer shouted sarcastically over the phone. _"And you'll never guess what else I found out on that magical evening."_

Heloise bit her lip in fear, and tried to suppress the butterflies she was feeling in her gut. "Umm no, what?"

"_TWO-SHOES IS MY NEXT-DOOR NEIGHBOR!" _His voice exploded through the cell phone's receiver, sending a painful blast straight to Heloise's eardrums. _"I thought I hired you to take care of him for me? How could you not know about this? What have you even been doing for the last 24 hours?"_

As Lucifer vented his anger through the phone, Heloise's attitude started to cultivate in her own voice. "Don't get your horns in a twist Mr. Heinous. I found out that Two-Shoes was living next door to you yesterday, but I didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd freak out. And I _did _try to get a hold of him too, but he wasn't home. I was going to try again today."

"_Well you better! Because now my own son is hanging out with that happy little freak!"_

"Don't worry, don't worry, I'll take care of it." She assured, half-heartily.

"_Good, because if Two-Shoes isn't a smoldering pile of misery by the end of today, I'm ripping up that little contract of ours and you can spend an eternity out in the cold for all I care!" __**Wham!**_

Heloise could hear Lucifer slam his phone down on the other end of the line. "Phew, glad that's over."

She gripped the cell phone tightly in her hands, when suddenly her anger finally took control of her mouth. "Well it doesn't matter anyway you big jerk! I don't even own this house; Dorkus does! And he said I can live here with him, so _there!_" She angrily talked back into the phone, even though the call had already ended.

She hopped off the bed and sighed. "But then I'll never get to work at the factory…" The girl could create pain and suffering on her own of course, but then she wouldn't get paid for it. "_*Sigh* _My life was a lot more simple back on Earth…"

Heloise continued out of her room and down the stairs, where she smelled something great coming from her kitchen. _"MmmmMmm what is that?" _She followed her nose toward her new kitchen, where she saw Dorkus frying something on the stove. "Uh, hello?"

"Oh good, you're just in time for my world-famous flapjacks." Dorkus whistled. He flipped the last one still frying on the stove onto a big plate that was stacked high with pancakes. "Eat up."

Heloise smiled. "Thanks Dorkus."

She sat down at her table, and started gulping the pancakes down with the syrup that was left for her. Besides inflicting pain on other people, food normally helped her take her mind off her troubles.

"Wow, this kitchen of yours has everything! I have my own one in the basement, but it doesn't have half the stuff in here." Dorkus grabbed one of Heloise's new appliances from the kitchen counter and held it up. "What do you call this thing?"

Heloise gave him a puzzled look. "Um, that's just a toaster oven."

"Incredible. A toaster, _and _an oven. All rolled into one." Dorkus sounded in awe.

"Yep. It's a real marvel of the future." She said sarcastically.

"Well I gotta go. Can I have my cell phone back?"

"Oh, sure." Heloise had forgotten she still had it. She handed it to the tiny creature and continued eating her pancakes.

"I'm off then. See ya this evening." Dorkus started walking toward the door before he stopped and turned. "Oh uh, before I forget; is everything ok with you and the L-man?"

"Wha?" Heloise was caught off guard, just finishing her breakfast. "-Oh of course. Everything's fine. Lucifer just wanted to tell me something, that's all."

"Oh ok great, 'cause I know how he can get sometimes, with the whole 'homicidal fiendish cuckoo' thing he's got going on. Well bye."

The small creature waved on his way out of the kitchen, and Heloise heard as he shut the door to the house.

"_Yep, everything's just peachy." _She lied to herself as she put her syrup covered dish into the sink. "If I can't find that Jimmy guy today, then I'm royally screwed."

Heloise made her way to the front door of the house and opened it. The bright light from Miseryville's three suns shone right into her face. "Ugh, perfect." She held her hand in front of her face as she walked next door to the small red roofed house on 26 Misery Street. _"This guy better be there, or I'm gonna throw a fit all over his yard."_

She approached the small house's front door and started banging loudly. _**BAM BAM!**_ "Hello! Is anyone there?" _**BAM! **_The girl was about to try the doorbell when she heard footsteps coming from the other side of the door. She backed up and started fixing her maroon gown and dirty-blond hair. At least she'd look presentable to whoever she was assigned to torture.

The door swung open and behind it stood a tall, skinny, smiling blonde boy wearing a grey shirt, and brown pants, with a stupid looking black bowtie tied around his neck. "Good morning! _*YAWN*_ Sorry to make you wait, but I was still asleep."

Heloise just stood there, wide-eyed with her mouth hung open. That face. That hair. That _smile_. It was _HIM! _The moment came crashing back into her head like a falling pile of bricks. She was running from the cops, and had just made it out of the city, when _HE_ showed up. He helped her hide, but then he _pulled her in front of a bus_, singing his stupid song about lemonade, and got her run over!

"Heyyyyy, wait a sec." Jimmy narrowed his eyes at the stupefied girl, "I know you!" His smile widened as he extended his hand toward her. "You're that girl I met at the bus stop! Yeah, that's it. We were about to get some le-mon-nade when we kinda got hit by a bus. Sorry about that."

The girl grabbed Jimmy's extended hand and threw him out into the street. Jimmy landed hard on his back against the solid concrete.

"Ow! That hurt." Jimmy said as he rubbed his aching back. "Why'd you do that?"

"Because you got me killed, and now I'm stuck in Hell forever!" The girl screamed. Her face was turning red with anger and she looked poised to attack.

"Well sorry, I didn't mean too." Jimmy wiped off his shirt as he got up from the ground. "But don't worry, I'm gonna make it up to you."

"And _how_ pray tell, are you going to do that?" Heloise growled.

"You can come with me and Beezy. We've been going all over Miseryville, and today we were going on a hike in the mountains, then swimming at the beach."

"You think a stupid sight-seeing tour is supposed to make me forgi-" Heloise cut herself off and paused. Maybe a trip around the city _was _a good idea. She'd be able to stay close to the boy, _and _get a chance to really have some _fun_ with him. "…-actually, a trip around Miseryville does sound pretty good."

Jimmy smiled and walked back toward her. "Awesome, now let me just get Beezy and we can all head out together."

"Who's Beezy?" She questioned impatiently.

"Beezy J. Heinous. He's my friend next-door."

"_Beezy J. Heinous huh? That must be Lucifer's son." _Heloise concluded in her mind. She definitely didn't want a third-wheel tagging along with them and interrupting her plans. "You know, I think Beezy might be a little busy today. Why don't we just head out without him?"

"Why? He's probably just asleep in his house. We could just wake him up right now."

The girl tried to think quickly. "Well… I just came from over there, and it looked like Beezy was already heading out with his dad. I think they're gonna be gone for awhile." She stared back at Jimmy, hoping the boy was as dumb as he looked.

"Oh, well then I guess it's ok if we start without him."

"_Yes! He bought it!" _Heloise grinned. _"Now I just need to steer him on a little tour of my own." _She cleared her throat, and then slyly started to work her deception. "Hey Jimmy, instead of a hike in the mountains, why don't we go somewhere else instead? I know a few fun things we could do." She smiled sweetly, suppressing her urge to laugh maniacally.

"Oh, sure I guess… Hey wait- How do you know my name?"

"_Uh oh." _Heloise froze. She quickly tried to find a way out of her momentary lapse in judgment. "I-er- uh, don't you remember? You told me at the bus stop." She smiled nervously, praying Jimmy wouldn't remember what had actually happened that morning.

"I did?" Jimmy scratched his head. He didn't _remember _telling her his name. The only thing he remembered doing was finding that sweet quarter on the ground, and singing his song about le-mon-nade. But come to think of it, there were a lot of things that he _couldn't _remember. "Huh, I guess maybe I did."

The girl exhaled in relief. _"Phew, that was close." _From now on, she was going to be much more careful about what she said to this boy. She didn't want to get caught.

"So, did you ever tell me _your _name? 'Cause I think I forgot it." Jimmy thought aloud, trying to recall what else he had forgotten.

"My name's Heloise."

Jimmy smiled. "_Hell-ou-weez_? Wow, that's a pretty name."

The boy's compliment caught the devious girl off guard. "Oh-um. Thank you."

"Well we better get a move on." Jimmy took a few steps before he realized he had no idea where he was going. "Oh that's right, you were gonna decide where we should go. So where to first buddy?"

Heloise thought it over for a second and then grinned. "Why don't we go fishing? Fishing can be _really_ fun."

"Awesome, let's go!"

Jimmy grabbed the small girl's hand and bolted up the street, lifting Heloise's entire body as he went. They both ran for awhile, then slowed their pace as they neared their destination at the edge of the city.

Spread across a few acres of land, away from the tall skyscrapers and concrete slabs of the city, was Miseryville's own park. The grass was a decayed shade of forest green, with little patches of flowers here and there. The trees were all dead and brown, with crooked trunks and long thick, curved branches that resembled monster claws. There was a walkway that circled through the park, and off into the distance, the two spotted a large lake filled with what looked like lava.

"That must be it." Heloise remarked as Jimmy finally ceased running. The girl fixed her wind-swept hair and looked around. "Why don't you go get us a boat, while I get the _supplies_."

"Sure thing!" Jimmy ran toward a shack with a row of boats lined in front of it on the far side of the lake.

"Good; now then." She raced back towards the city. There were a few extra things she was going to need in order fish _properly._

_..._

"Thanks mister." Jimmy waved as he exited the boat shack.

The boy skipped over to the boat he had just rented, seeing Heloise already waiting for him on the shore.

"_Finally, _what took you so long?" Heloise hissed irritably. In the amount of time it took Jimmy to get the boat, she was able to run into the city, get the gear, and run back.

"Sorry, the guy at the shack challenged me to rock-paper-scissors, since I didn't have enough money to pay for a boat." Jimmy smiled. "I totally beat him with paper."

"Yeah, yeah, super interesting. Now c'mon, the fish won't wait forever."

Heloise began yanking the cord for the boat's motor in order to start it up. _VRRRrrrrrrr. VRRrrrrr. VrrrrRRRR__**RRRRRRRRRRRR!**_

"Hey um, shouldn't we be wearing life jack- _Ooph_!" Jimmy was pushed into the boat by the small girl.

"We don't need life jackets silly. We're already dead." Heloise hopped into the boat next to teen and began steering the motor toward the middle of the lake. She took a deep breath and exhaled. "Ahhhh; isn't it so peaceful out here?" The loud buzzing of the boat's engine brought back memories of that chainsaw killing spree she went on over the summer back on Earth. "Ah, good times…"

The boat reached the lake's center, and the girl cut off the motor. "Alrighty then…" She looked at Jimmy, who was staring over the boat at the red lake below them. _"This is going to be way too easy."_

"Hey Jimmy," Heloise cut into Jimmy's daydreaming, "could you test the water while I set up the fishing rods?" She smiled sweetly. "We have to make sure the water's just right before we start."

"Oh sure Heloise." Jimmy bent over the boat and reached down with his hand to test the lava water.

"Hmmm. Uh huh. Yeah…" The boy turned back around and wiped his wet hand on his shirt. "The water's a bit warm, but otherwise I think it's ok."

The girl looked at Jimmy's unharmed hand and then gave an annoyed expression. She was expecting the lava to melt it until there was nothing but bone. "Didn't the water hurt you at all?"

Jimmy looked down at his hand and shrugged. "Not really. My hand does kinda itch now though."

Heloise frowned and bent over the side of the boat. She dipped her fingers into the seemingly fiery lake and then paused. _"Huh. This can't be real lava; my hand doesn't even feel hot."_

The lake's liquid did seem to be rather thin and clear-looking for lava. It was almost like regular water dyed red. _"Man, Miseryville is weird."_

"Anywho," Heloise persisted, "I've almost got _your_ rod ready."

Jimmy watched as the girl tied some sort of weird looking bait on the end of the rod. It looked like a small, fat red keg with a string sticking out from the center. There were even some letters printed on it.

"Tee-En-Tee." Jimmy read aloud to himself, struggling to get a good glimpse while Heloise was adjusting it on the rod's hook. "T-N-T? What kind of bait is that?" Jimmy asked.

"Oh um, it's a brand new kind. Yeah, it's been scientifically proven to help you catch more fish." Heloise grinned.

"Gee thanks." He smiled and started humming, eager to catch a huge fish. "Hey, uh, what are you doing now?"

He saw Heloise attempting to light the string hanging from the bait with a cigarette lighter.

"Oh this? I just need to warm up the bait a little. Fish don't like cold bait." She lied through her fake, innocent smile.

"Ohhhh, that makes sense. Man, you sure are smart Heloise."

The girl grinned. _"I sure am."_ She chuckled in her mind. _Fwoosh. _The tip of the bait's string finally ignited.

"Alright here you go!" Heloise quickly tossed the rod with the lighted bait to Jimmy.

"Awesome, so how does this work exactly? I just cast it out on the water and then reel it in right?…Right Heloise?" Jimmy looked back up and saw no one there. "Heloise? Where'd you go?"

"Hahahahahaha! So long sucker!"

Jimmy turned his head to see Heloise swimming in the lake, heading back toward the shore. "Hey where are you going?"

"I know where _you're_ going! A one way trip to Kaboomsville! Bwahahahahahaha!" The girl laughed maniacally as she swam for the edge of the lake.

"Kaboomsville? Is that another part of Miseryville?" Jimmy asked naively.

He turned his attention back to his rod, where sparks were starting to shoot from the bait's rapidly shortening string. "Oh man, it must be really warm now." Jimmy didn't want his bait to start getting cold. "Look out fishies, here comes Jimmy!"

The boy closed his eyes and drew his arms back, along with the rod, and then threw them both forward, sending the fishing line, and bait, hurling over the lake.

"Ha! That'll teach him not to cross the smartest and best serial killer Hell's ever seen!" The girl proclaimed proudly to herself. She continued swimming toward the shore, proud of the sweet revenge she was sure she had inflicted on that jerk. "I'll just tell Lucifer I was working my evil magic on him and he suddenly exploded. I'm sure that'll make the old grouch happy." _Sploosh._

The girl's face was splashed with water as something plopped into the lake right in front of her.

"What in the world…" She wiped the red water drenched over her face and saw the drum of TNT floating in front of her, with the fuse still lit and now incredibly short.

"Wow, look how far it went!" Jimmy smiled as he gripped his rod. "And it landed right by Heloise! Now she can catch all the fish that come for the bait, instead of me reeling and casting all over again. She really is smart."

"AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Heloise's high pitched scream pierced the quiet presence over the lake. "REEL IT IN! REEL IT IN!"

"Huh?" Jimmy could hear Heloise screaming something, but she was so far out into the lake that he had trouble understanding her. "Did you say you wanted to 'Wheel a pin'? That doesn't make any sense. " Jimmy laughed to himself.

"REEL! IT! IN! YOU IDIOT!" Heloise screamed as she saw the fuse was about to reach the drum. There was no way she'd be able to swim away from the blast zone in time.

"Ohhhh, 'Reel it in'; that makes much more sense." Jimmy chuckled as he started pulling the fishing line back in. "I bet this is gonna be a real whopper!"

Seeing the keg of dynamite being reeled away from her, Heloise started swimming as fast as she could in the opposite direction. She needed to get as far away from the blast zone as possible.

"Man, this fish feels pretty heavy. I hope Beezy's hungry, 'cause we're totally having fried fish toni-" _**KABOOOOOM!**_

A huge explosion ripped through the lake, creating a massive, red tidal wave that was heading straight for the edges' of the lake, along with Jimmy.

"Whoa, look at the size of that wave!" Jimmy gawked as the wave was getting closer and closer.

The mini-tsunami picked up Jimmy's boat as if it were a piece of driftwood, and began carrying it on a straight collision course with the shore. "Uh oh. This isn't good."

_**CRASH! **_The boat smashed against the rocky shore, sending huge pieces of its debris flying in all different directions. Jimmy flew along with them, landing hard on his stomach as the tidal wave buried itself on the lake's edge.

"Owwwww, that was pretty wild." Jimmy moaned, half-delirious from the crash. He looked around at the soaked remnants of the park. "At least no one will have to water the plants for awhile."

He stumbled up, trying to wring out his soaked clothes. "Aw man, all that and we still didn't even catch any- FISH!" Jimmy yelled out as he spotted what remained of the lake.

The entire lake was half-empty, with hundreds of dead fish carcasses floating on the surface. "Sweet corn! Look at all of them!"

He ran into the half-empty lake and started scooping up as much fish as he could fit in his hands. "Heloise is going to be so happy when she sees all these." Jimmy suddenly stopped and looked around. "Hey, where is Heloise anyway?"

He squinted his eyes, and scanned the lake for any movement. "All I see is dead fish and water… Oh wait!" He spotted some sort of bundle on the opposite side of the lake's shore. He couldn't make out what it was exactly, but it appeared to be wrapped in a maroon colored cloth.

Jimmy grabbed a few more fish and stuffed them into his shirt. He then ran along the lake, keeping his eyes on the maroon bundle still lying stagnant by the lake's rocky shore. When he approached it, he could see long, dirty-blonde hair sticking out from under it. He flipped the bundle over, only to see Heloise, soaking wet and unconscious. Her drenched maroon gown was twisted around her body, and her pony-tail had come loose, leaving her long, wet hair untamed and strewn all over the place.

"Oh it's you Heloise; gee did you see all the fish we got?" Jimmy pointed back to the lake bursting with floating fish corpses. "Yeah we're definitely going to be eating fish for awhile."

Heloise remained unresponsive.

"Youwhoooo, Earth to Heloise. Are you asleep?"

The girl's body didn't budge. She was still unconscious, and didn't appear to be breathing either.

Jimmy looked down at Heloise's wet face, which was beginning to turn pale. "Hmmm… Oh I know! You need mouth-to-mouth! Don't worry buddy, I've seen this on T.V."

The boy took a deep breath and then started blowing into the unconscious girl's mouth. Her head began inflating like a balloon and the color slowly returned to her skin. Finally the girl's eyes popped open.

"_Gack! Uck!"_ Heloise hacked up water which went flying into Jimmy's face. "*_Cough* _Ah! Wh- _*cough*_ what happened?" She was delirious and out of breath, and seemed to be in a state of shock.

"'What happened?'" Jimmy jumped up and down and pointed toward the half-empty lake, "We just got a ton of fish, that's what happened! Your bait really worked!"

It was slowly starting to come back to her. "Oh yeah, the _bait_."

She remembered swimming for dear life from the _bait_, and then the Kaboom. Everything after was a hazy blur of gushing, dyed-red water. She looked at Jimmy, who was also soaking wet, but still perfectly fine and smiling. _"Damn. I really thought that would work."_

Heloise stumbled up, and began knocking out the water trapped in her ears. "Well that could have definitely gone better."

"Are you kidding?" Jimmy grabbed a handful of large, dead fish stuffed in shirt and showed it to her. "That went great! I don't even know what we're gonna do with all this fish."

"Ick." The girl pushed the fish away. "Let's just keep those wrapped up until we get home."

"If you say so." Jimmy stuffed the fish back into his shirt. "So where to now buddy?" Jimmy beamed excitingly.

She looked up at Jimmy's smiling face and frowned. He was _definitely_ going to be a challenge. "Let's just go back to my place." A devious grin tugged on her face. "I bet we can have _lots of fun_ there."

"Sure thing. Here, you look kind of tired." Jimmy hoisted the girl on his shoulder and began walking toward the edge of the park. "That was awesome Heloise. Let's go fishing again someday."

The girl clenched her annoyed teeth into a fake smile. "Yeah, we'll have to do it again _real soon_."


	13. Don't Say the 'L' Word

I know this is going to sound kinda far-fetched, but I have a pretty solid theory that Chuck The Bus Driver was the one who ran Jimmy over in the original premise. He himself might not have been a concept character, but I feel like the JTS staff might have included him in the series as a little joke, in reference to the original premise, since he's such a clumsy and easily-distracted driver. I don't know, it's just some personal fan-canon that's been stuck inside my brain for awhile.

Oh, also, about the whole electro-camera scene. I am also basing this on a supposed screenshot from the original pilot, in which Heloise is rubbing her hands evilly as she watches Jimmy being electrocuted by an electrical beam coming from somewhere off-screen. A glass Jimmy was holding is also shown shattered upon the electric beam's impact. Again, if you've seen this screenshot, then you'll probably understand the context of this scene a little better.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 13<span>

_Don't Say the 'L' Word_

They reached the entrance of the park, where a bus stop sign was placed just a few steps away. Jimmy bent down over a bench where Heloise jumped off of his shoulders and sat. There was an awkward silence for the next few minutes; that bus seemed to be taking forever.

"Heh, I hope the bus doesn't run over us again." Jimmy joked obliviously.

Heloise instantly shot him an icy-cold death glare, which caused Jimmy's mouth to shut close.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the bus drove up and opened its doors right in front of the pair. Jimmy had just put his foot in the door when Heloise shoved him over.

"It's _ladies_ first." She snapped as she hopped into the bus.

"Oh, uh sorry."

Jimmy stepped in after the girl and took a seat near the front. As the bus began driving again, he noticed the driver whistling and smiling. The driver still looked human, but had a corpse-blue shade of skin, with a bulbous, pink, stitched up nose. His blue bus-driver's uniform and hat looked rather old too.

"Hey, cool hat." Jimmy complimented to the driver from behind.

"Thanks. I've had it for years." The bus driver turned and looked at Jimmy, still smiling. "Are you new around here?"

"Yeah, I just got here a few days ago."

"Well what a coincidence, so did I!" The bus driver chuckled. "So what happened to you?"

"Oh, well I got hit by a bus."

"Gee I'm sorry to hear that." The driver exclaimed sympathetically, twisting the wheel as he made a left turn.

"Uh, so did you just become a bus driver?" Jimmy asked with a smile.

"Well I just got this job a few days ago, but I've actually been a bus driver my whole life. Funny thing is, I actually died while I was driving my own bus back on Earth."

"Oh, gee I'm sorry." Jimmy smiled sadly.

"Aw it's fine," The driver sighed as he pulled the bus toward another stop, "Yeah, it turns out I had a heart-attack while I was on my bus route. I just hope I didn't run anyone over when I passed out behind the wheel."

"Huh, what an odd coincidence that has nothing to do with me." Jimmy remarked. "Well it was nice meeting you!"

"Likewise!"

The smiling corpse released the doors and Jimmy stepped off the bus, with Heloise bringing his rear.

Jimmy watched as the bus rolled off. "That guy seemed really nice."

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Heloise shrugged. She had completely ignored that stupid bus-driver. "C'mon, it's getting late."

The suns had been going down for awhile now, and the sky was a beginning to turn a darker shade of red. Jimmy skipped happily down the street, with Heloise dragging her exhausted body behind him.

They came toward Heloise's pink-bricked house, much to her relief. "Finally," she breathed, "now we can have some _real_ fun." She giggled evilly. This gap-toothed idiot was really in for it now.

"Cool," Jimmy followed Heloise into the house. He gawked at the newly furnished interior. "Wow Heloise, this place looks amazing."

The girl smiled. _"Well, maybe this guy's taste isn't all that bad." _

Jimmy walked into the living room and sat down on the red couch. "Ahh, that feels nice."

The girl just stood and stared at Jimmy, with a wicked grin on her face. "So, can I get you something to drink?"

"Uh, can I get a glass of water please?" Jimmy asked with a smile.

"No problem. Don't go anywhere ok?"

The girl glided her way out of the room, leaving Jimmy to wait while she got the _water_.

Heloise ducked into the kitchen, and peeked out to look at Jimmy. She waited, until she was sure he wasn't looking anymore. "Perfect. Now then…" She snuck out the kitchen, taking evasive maneuvers to make sure Jimmy never caught sight of her. "Alright, now where in the world is that basement?" She asked softly to herself.

The girl looked down the hallway, where she saw a miniature staircase running beneath the house. "Figures." She crept her way over to it, never taking her sights off Jimmy, who was too busy playing with her decorative bowl of eye-balls to notice her.

When she finally approached the stairs, she saw that it was going to be tricky climbing down. They were about half her width, meaning she'd really have to be careful.

Jimmy, meanwhile, was busy flinging eye-balls across the living room. "Awesome! Okay, one more."

He grabbed another one and positioned it carefully in the makeshift slingshot he was able to improvise. "Ok folks, this is the final shot. If Jimmy Two-Shoes can make this, then he wins the World Championship and becomes Miseryville's greatest MVP!" _**Crash!**_ The eyeball flew across the room and smashed right through a vase placed on the shelf.

"Whoopsy." Jimmy casually walked over to the smashed vase and swept the pieces under the rug, all while whistling innocently. "Let's just pretend _that_ never happened."

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Heloise appeared from the hallway, gripping a glass of water along with a handful of what appeared to be various electronic devices. "The faucet was acting really weird."

"Thanks." Jimmy took the glass and started drinking. "Hey what's that Heloise?"

Jimmy noticed Heloise placing a pile of techno-dohickeys on the floor and she appeared to be propping one of them up on a tripod.

"Oh this? It's a camera silly. I wanna take a picture." She balanced it on the stand and then turned it toward Jimmy.

In fact, they were actually a bunch of misery-inducing prototypes of Dorkus' that Heloise had _borrowed _from his place in the basement. "_I'm sure Dorkus won't mind. I'll be testing them out for him."_

"Oh, that sounds cool." Jimmy stared at the _camera _while sipping his water.

"Say 'cheese'." The girl pressed a button on the device, which appeared to set off a timer.

"Cheeseeeee." Jimmy spread his mouth wide, giving a huge smile.

"Perrrfect." Heloise snickered as she clasped her hands together and grinned deviously. "Now just hold that pose."

"Okay," Jimmy answered, still retaining his smile, "but should I put the cup do-" _**BBZBZZZZZZZBZBZZZZZZZZZ**_

A huge ray of electricity shot from the device and blasted Jimmy, electrocuting him and causing his glass to shatter into pieces.

"Mwahahahahahahahahah!" Heloise burst into maniacal laughter as she watched Jimmy twitch and shake with thousands of electrical volts coursing through his body.

After about a minute the device stopped, and Jimmy fell to the sharp, glass-covered floor. His skin and clothes were blackened with electric burns and he was twitching violently.

"Sooo," Her wicked grin had spread across her face as she looked at Jimmy squirming on her floor, "still feel like smiling? Hmmmm?"

The girl was about to begin laughing again when her smile instantly disappeared. She stepped back in disbelief as her ears caught wind of something horrible.

Laughter. Jimmy started laughing. There, burnt, shocked, and cut with glass on her floor, he was actually laughing. She had no idea what was going on now. _"Crap. I think he's lost it."_

"HAHAHAHAHA! Good one Heloise!" Jimmy stumbled up from the floor and brushed off his burnt clothes as he giggled. "You really got me there."

"WHAT?" The girl's disbelief quickly morphed into anger.

"Yeah, I can't believe I fell for the old 'Camera/Deadly Electric Shock Ray' trick. Classic prank."

"Wha-But-I mean I-" The girl face-palmed and gritted her teeth. _"I cannot BELIEVE THIS!" _She screamed in her head. "Ahaha, yeah. A prank. Of course." She hid her fury under a fake smile and forced out a chuckle. "Will you excuse me for a minute?"

She grabbed the pile of prototypes and rushed out of the room and up the staircase towards her own room.

"Okay, I'll just be here then." Jimmy sat back down and eyed the shock ray. "I have got to get one of those."

"Damn it, DAMN IT!" Heloise yelled as she dropped the handful of gadgets onto her bedroom floor and started rifling through them. "One of these things has got to be able to wipe the smile of his face!"

She picked up an aluminum box with what looked like a lump of blue clay in it and read the box's tag.

_PROTO #2123: Once a kid starts playing with this, parents won't have to worry about them for hours. The patent-pending Misery Inc. Play-Clay will instantly attach and spread itself onto whoever is unfortunate enough to touch it._

"Hmmm, maybe I could put this in his food later," Heloise shoved it aside and kept looking. "What else is there?"

She spotted a gizmo that looked like some sort of ray-gun. "Now we're talking."

_PROTO #477: Have you ever had an annoying "friend" who never stops talking?-_

"Oh like you wouldn't believe." Heloise sighed to herself.

"_-well now you can truly express your feelings without having to be rude and telling that person to 'shut it', with the patent-pending Misery Inc. Freeze-Dry Insta-zap Gun. Just one blast will instantly freeze your friend for up to 16 hours! (Results May Vary). You'll never have to deal with another chatter mouth ever again._

"Oh, I'll definitely hold onto this." She tucked it away inside her gown and kept looking through the pile. "Huh, what's this?"

Heloise saw a can of soda with something extra written on the description tag.

_PROTO #1366: Ever feel like murdering someone but can't because we're already in Hell? Well despair no more with the new patent-pending Misery-Inc. Explosa' Cola! One sip of this highly volatile fluid (cleverly disguised as soda) will cause whoever drinks it to blow up into millions of pieces! (Disclaimer: Effects are not permanent and person will revert back to normal in the following episode). _**WARNING: ****DO NOT USE! Chemical is EXTREMELY Dangerous and Unstable!**

"Hmm, it seems Dorkus had a little trouble with this one." She shook the soda can and pressed it against her ear to see if there was any reaction. The can remained silent. "Whatever was in here has got to have cooled down by now. I'm sure it's not as unstable as it was before."

She grabbed the can and hurried downstairs. She didn't want to keep her guest waiting long.

"Youwhooo, Jimmy," She called out before spotting him fiddling with the shock-ray, "I thought you might be thirsty after all that water you drank."

"Well, all that water did leave me pretty parched." Jimmy smiled.

"Here, I got you some soda." She shoved the can into Jimmy's hands. "C'mon drink up."

"Gladly!" Jimmy cracked open the can and began chugging it down his throat. "Ahhhh. That really hit the spot. Thanks Heloise."

"No problem _buddy_." She giggled under her breath.

"So anyway, I've been meaning to do something nice for you for awhile and I- Oh. _Owwwwww_ my stomach." Jimmy's stomach began growling and gurgling loudly. "Ouch, I wonder what I ate."

"_Or what you drank, you gullible idiot." _Heloise grinned evilly. She stepped back a bit. She didn't want to get coated with chunks of exploding Jimmy.

"Oh man." Jimmy held onto his stomach, which was now visibly rumbling. "Could I maybe use your bathroom?"

"Sure thing." She pointed up toward the stairs. "It's up there, first door down the hall."

"Thanks a lot." Jimmy made a mad dash up the stairs.

"Let me know if you need anything else! Mwhahahahahahahaha!" Heloise called up to him as she began laughing again. "Now I just sit back and wait for the BOOM!"

The girl began counting down on her fingers, since she didn't have a watch. "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3-" _**BOOM!**_

A huge explosion ripped through the upper floor of the house, creating a large hole visible from down below.

"Kablewey! MWAHAHAHAHAHA! So long Mr. Two-Shoes!" The girl shouted upward. She knew the blast technically couldn't kill him, since they were already dead, but the extreme pain he was in should be enough to put that smile of his on ice for eternity. "Misery Inc., here I co-" _**CRASH!**_

Jimmy crashed through the ceiling and slammed onto the floor. A cloud of dust and debris fell on top of Heloise as she was caught completely off guard. It took a moment for the dust to settle. Heloise tunneled up from underneath the pile of wreckage, and coughed as soon as the plume of dust hit her throat.

"_*Cough* _Ugh! My living room! _*cough* *cough*_"

The place was a wreck. Her floor was covered in chunks of broken plaster and wooden boards, and dust coated the room. There was a huge, Jimmy-shaped hole in her upper floor as well.

"You _*cough*_ idiot! Do you have any idea how long this is going to take me to clean?" Heloise brushed dust off of her gown when her senses suddenly snapped back from her angry stupor. She realized Jimmy was still in one piece.

"WHAT? I- You- But you were supposed to- AHHHHHHHHHH!" She screamed in frustration as Jimmy got up and dusted himself off. His clothes were pretty torn, but his body was still perfectly tact.

"Sorry about that Heloise. I don't think that soda sat well in my stomach."

"You were supposed to explode! Not destroy my living room!" Her voice erupted with anger.

"Oh, well then you probably shouldn't go see your bathroom anytime soon. " Jimmy smiled nervously.

"THAT'S IT!" Heloise screamed with rage as she ran for the kitchen. In her blind fury, she managed to dig through a drawer in one of the cabinets and pick out a sleek, shiny new knife she had just bought as part of a set, with a skull ornament on the end of its handle.

Heloise emerged from the kitchen, with daggers in her eyes directed right on Jimmy's neck. "Let's see how happy-go-lucky you are without a head!" She pounced onto the still confused Jimmy and stood on top of him, aiming her blade for straight for Jimmy's throat.

"Wait a sec Heloise." Jimmy said relatively calmly with a smile. He didn't quite seem to grasp what Heloise was attempting to do. "I know you're kinda upset, but I think I have something that might cheer you up."

"Cheer me up? _Cheer ME __**UP?**_" Heloise shrieked. "You dragged me in front of a bus and got me killed, you nearly drowned me, and you destroyed my new house!" Her pupils reddened, looking as if they were beginning to catch fire from the intense heat of her rage. "But worst of all, you have the NERVE to smile at me with your _stupid grin_, and tell me you can **_CHEER ME UP_**? What could you POSSIBLY have that could cheer_ ME _up?"

Jimmy's smile widened. "I think you're really gonna like iiiiit." He shifted his bright eyes toward the kitchen. "I put it in your fridge."

Heloise slowly moved her blazing eyes back toward the kitchen. She wanted to cut Jimmy's head off. Her rage was screaming at her to do it. But there was just a nagging curiosity tugging at her, enveloping her to see what was so cheery hidden in her fridge.

"_You_ get it then." Heloise strained out softly from her angry, gritted teeth. She stepped off of the boy and motioned with her head for Jimmy to get whatever stupid thing he had in store for her.

"Awesome, ok just sit right there."

Jimmy skipped over to the kitchen while Heloise sat herself down on her red sofa, tightly clutching her knife. She could hear the sound of her fridge being opened.

"Okay Heloise, now close your eyes." Jimmy shouted from the kitchen. Heloise could hear him giggling.

Again, Heloise's murderous spirit told her to just stab Jimmy now and get this over with. Jimmy's neck was practically begging for her knife in it. She didn't know why she was humoring him. But her morbid curiosity was echoing in her head, pushing her to see whatever stupid thing the boy had for her. She placed both her hands over her eyes, still clutching her knife in one. She could hear Jimmy's footsteps coming, with his stupid giggling getting louder and louder.

"Alright, you can open your eyes now!" Jimmy declared excitedly.

Heloise lifted her hands from her closed eyes. There was Jimmy standing in front of her, with his stupid wide smile as expected. But he was gripping a pitcher of something. It took Heloise a second to register its contents in her brain.

"Surprise! Sweet, tasty, ice-cold le-mon-ade! I made it while you were upstairs."

Jimmy pushed the cold pitcher right in front of Heloise's face. Ice-cubes and slices of lemon still floating in the glass container swirled past her eyes. "I wanted to give this to you, to say sorry for the whole 'killing you and plunging you into eternal damnation' thing." His smile brightened. "I didn't think I'd ever be able to give you some, since I kinda assumed you'd have gone to heaven, but it sure was nice that you didn't. Now we hang out like this all the time."

Heloise just stared at the lemonade and then at Jimmy. Her brain was having a hard time comprehending just what was happening. Jimmy started pouring lemonade into a cup and pushed it to her. Heloise looked down at it, still dumbfounded. Finally, something unexpected was able to escape her mouth. "Th-Thank you."

The girl shockingly let her hand loosen its grip on her knife and it fell to the floor. She then slowly reached for the glass of lemonade and began sipping from it. Her eyes, now filled with considerably less rage, remained fixed on Jimmy, who was pouring another glass of lemonade for himself.

"Hmmmmm lemony." Jimmy commented as he sipped from his glass. "Hey Heloise, are you feeling ok?"

Heloise snapped out of her stupor and tightened her grip on her glass. "Wha-What do you mean? I'm fine." She said suspiciously.

"It's just that your face is all red. Are you hot or something?"

Heloise felt her face and the abnormal heat coming from it. She realized she must have been blushing. "Um yeah, it's kind of hot in here." She paused for a second and then looked back at Jimmy. "It's a good thing you made the lemonade."

Jimmy smiled and proceeded to sit next to Heloise on the couch. The girl swirled her lemonade as she eyed the knife resting on the floor in front of her. For some reason, she didn't really feel like decapitating Jimmy anymore. And she _always_ felt like decapitating someone. Something fishy was going on.

"Hey."

Jimmy turned and looked at Heloise, who now had a stern, suspicious look in her eyes. "Yeah Heloise?"

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"What do you mean?" Jimmy asked dumbfounded.

"You know what I mean." Her eyes narrowed. "Nobody does all this just because they're nice. Out with it; what's your deal?"

Jimmy scratched his head. "But I don't have a deal." He watched Heloise fold her arms in disbelief. "Honest! I just did it to apologize and cheer you up. You know, since we're friends and everything."

"Friends?" Heloise's suspicious voice suddenly grey louder in angry annoyance. "FRIENDS? I tried to mutilate you on three separate occasions in just one day!" She suddenly found herself pouring out all of her frustration with Jimmy. "And every single time, you've just smiled and kept your happy-go-lucky attitude! I mean honestly; did it ever occur to you that you're _dead_ and living in _Hell_ in a crap-shack of a house? What keeps you so damn happy all the time?" Heloise breathed heavily from her angry tirade. Her eyes were focused on Jimmy, who was just sipping his lemonade calmly. "WELL?"

Jimmy sipped the last of his lemonade and then shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I've always been like that. Or at least I think." Jimmy then set his glass on the table and smiled at Heloise. "But I like being happy, you know? When you're happy, bad stuff doesn't really seem all that bad."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the _Your Guide to the Afterlife_ pamphlet he had gotten back at the Purgatory waiting room. He flipped it to the last page and pointed to a particular sentence. "Aha see, right here. _'Life's what you make of it.'_ If you keep a positive attitude, almost nothing can bring you down."

Heloise snatched the pamphlet from Jimmy and then scoffed. "Pfffft, '_Life's what you make of it_'? That sounds like something a blissfully ignorant moron would say." She crumpled the paper in her hand and then folded her arms. "How do they expect anyone to be positive in Hell?"

"Aw c'mon Heloise, we have a lot to be positive about. We both have houses, friends, and this sweet le-mon-ade."

Heloise just looked at Jimmy, confused and annoyed. She had never met anyone so, so optimistic. So friendly. So _stupid_. But she looked at Jimmy; at his bright smile and his happy face. She started to feel something deep in her stomach. It felt like something was fluttering in there, like a horde of exploding butterflies going off inside her at once. She had no idea what this feeling was, but it made her want to _not _stab Jimmy… It almost made her want to hold him in a _non-violent _way.

"Hey Heloise, your face is all red again." Jimmy giggled.

This time Heloise attempted to cover her blushing with her sleeves. "Oh, it must have gotten warmer again." She gave a nervous smile. "Anyway it's getting pretty late; I think I'm gonna turn in now."

"Oh yeah." Jimmy had completely lost track of the time. He looked out the window and saw the dark-purple sky, lit up by Miseryville's bright moon. "I guess it is pretty late. So do you want to me to help you clean up?"

"Um no, that's ok, I've got it." Heloise could feel herself blushing even more. She grabbed the two empty glasses and pitcher and hurried to the kitchen.

Jimmy got up from the couch and stretched. "Ok then, see ya tomorrow."

"Wha-oh. Oh yeah sure. Tomorrow." Heloise softly shouted from the kitchen. "Can't wait…" She heard the door open and close as Jimmy left. _"Finally."_

It was completely quiet in her dusty, debris covered house. Heloise stayed motionless in her kitchen, still holding the glassware, until she was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. And by sigh, of course I mean scream bloody murder.

"GOD DAMN IT!" She screamed as she threw one of her glasses across the kitchen. The cup hit one of the walls and violently shattered on impact, sending glass bursting everywhere. She took the other cup and launched it against the wall as well, sending another shower of glass flying onto the floor.

She breathed heavily as she attempted to release all of her pent up anger and frustration. She wasn't used to feeling so many conflicting emotions at once. She hated Jimmy. She… didn't hate Jimmy. At least not as much as she thought she did. The girl grabbed a hold of her aching stomach. This _feeling _she had towards Jimmy, whatever it was; she was pretty sure she hated it. It prevented her from exacting sweet revenge on him. It made her go soft right when she had the perfect opportunity to get him. And now she'd have to face Lucifer in the morning.

"Now I know why they call it Miseryville…" She groaned in sorrow.


	14. Something Miserable This Way Comes

Chapter 14

_Something Miserable This Way Comes_

"Um, your Heinous?"

Lucifer looked up from his desk and saw his worthless assistant standing in front of him. "What is it? Can't you see I'm busy?" The short red devil snapped impatiently.

Samael looked onto his boss' desk and saw Lucifer's extremely important playing card tower nearly finished with construction. "Sorry sir, but it's that girl again. She wants to speak with you."

"What girl?" Lucifer asked disinterestedly as he attempted to add another card onto his masterpiece.

"That human girl, you know the short one in the dress; really loud and nasty."

"Not ringing a bell." The red devil dismissed as he carefully placed another card on the tower.

Samael sighed. "She threw a rock at me and knocked me off your balcony." The troll still felt the pain on the side of his head from the blow.

"Ohhhh her," the devil instantly recognized just who Samy was speaking of, "well send her in then."

Samy scurried back toward the elevator and entered, heading down towards the main lobby. Lucifer continued building his card tower, paying little attention to the elevator, which was now heading back up towards his office. The doors finally opened again, and out came Heloise.

"Um hello Mr. Lucifer." She nearly whispered as she stood on the far side of his office.

"Well? Are you going to come over here or what?" He barked irritably. Why were so many people interrupting him when he was so busy?

Heloise slowly strolled toward Lucifer's desk. The red devil didn't even bother to look up at her. "So I trust my little Two-Shoes problem has been taken care of, correct?"

"Um, not exactly." She exclaimed softly.

Lucifer's hand froze in the middle of placing a new card onto his tower. "What do you mean _'Not exactly'_?" He questioned with a rising tone of anger in his voice.

"Uh," Heloise quickly tried to shift the blame away from herself, "You see I've been trying my absolute best. I dished out Grade A misery all day yesterday, but this Jimmy guy, he's _unbreakable!_" She could see Lucifer's eyes narrowing. This wasn't looking good for her. "I swear; the guy's an impenetrable _rock_. It would take some kind of miracle to make him mise-"

"STOP." Lucifer sternly commanded, cutting off the girl's rambling excuse. "So basically what I'm hearing is: you failed, correct?"

Heloise swallowed and looked down. "Yes."

The red devil put his card down and hopped off of his chair. "Typical. Why the heaven did I send a little girl to do this?" He questioned himself rhetorically.

Heloise bit her tongue and forced her eyes shut, trying her best not to explode with anger. Normally the words _'little girl'_ would cause her to snap into a murderous rage, but she felt now was not the best time to let loose, especially with Lucifer so angry.

"Well, looks like I'm gonna have to fix this myself. As usual." He sighed exhaustedly. The short red devil stretched both his arms and then inhaled. **"SAMAAEEEEEL!" **He bellowed with all of his breath.

"Yes sir?" The troll quickly flew out of the elevator and ran to his boss's side.

"Call Molotov and tell him to get over to my office pronto." The Heinous declared. "I want Two-Shoes brought to be in chains." A small grin spread across the red devil's face. "I'm going to make an _example_ of him."

"Yes sir, right away." Samael ran back to the elevator and descended downward back to the lobby.

"Oh, and as for you," Lucifer suddenly shifted his attention back to Heloise, "what kind of a serial killer are you anyway? Was it really that hard to make one teenage boy cry a little? To make him bleed and suffer just a smidge? Hmmmm?" He questioned angrily.

"You- You don't understand. He's different than anybody I've ever met before. _Nothing _makes him sad, or angry! He's incapable of feeling anything but happiness! I tried to decapitate him and he made me lemonade! _LE-MON-ADE_!" Heloise echoed with exasperation as she shook the short red devil by his collar.

Lucifer broke the girl's grip on his suit and then stared at her. "Oh my Satan."

Heloise looked at him suspiciously. His eyes seemed to be fixated on her face. "What?" She asked with a hint of panic in her voice.

The red devil's stare morphed into a look of disgust. "You. You're _blushing_."

Heloise instantly put her hand to her face and felt a large amount of heat emitting from it.

"You… You _like_ him, don't you?" Lucifer suddenly blurted out. He watched Heloise's blushing pink face grow even redder. "Uck, you do! You_ like, like_ him! Oh that's just SICK!"

The red devil felt like he was going to throw up. Heloise quickly tried to recover and defend herself. "WHAT? I do NOT _like_ him! How could you even think that? I hate that guy! He put me through Hell yesterday!" She then echoed her denial with force. "I _DON'T_ LIKE HIM!"

But Lucifer was still gagging, ignoring her attempts to save face. "_*Gack* _Ohhhh," he moaned, with a sickly tone in his voice, "I- I need some air. _*Hurk*_"

He held his stomach and began to crawl towards the elevator. Heloise stood still, continuing her rant. "I mean, it's not like he's cute or anything! He's an _idiot_! I could never _like_ an idiot! And his giggling; UGH, it drives me CRAZY!" She shouted. Her entire face had gone red as she continued sounding her denial to an imaginary Lucifer.

Finally she stopped. Lucifer had just closed the doors to the elevator, which began to descend toward the first floor of the factory. The girl stood alone in Lucifer's large office.

Heloise exhaled with exhaustion; she could still feel her hot face blushing. She felt like dying, but of course that was impossible since she was already in Hell. There was absolutely no way she'd be getting a job at the factory anytime soon.

"Today couldn't possibly get any worse…" She groaned.


	15. Jimmy Runs the City

Ha, as you can see I used one of the Jimmy Two-Shoes short titles for this chapter's title. I just really liked the double entendre; very clever of them.

The scene I put in where Jimmy is frozen and Beezy thaws him out by burping fire is also based on an early production picture made for the show (made after the pilot but before details and character designs were finalized) which shows a frozen Jimmy looking horrified as [early concept] Beezy stands next to him chugging gasoline with the obviously-implied intention that he's going to breathe/burp fire in order to melt the ice around Jimmy.

Oh also—for reference—I'm also almost 100% sure that Molotov was not an original concept character either.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 15<span>

_Jimmy Runs the City_

"_MmmmMmm_, this is pretty good." Beezy garbled as he hungrily chewed mounds of fish in his mouth. "Do I detect the delicious hint of dynamite?"

Jimmy just giggled as he ate a mouthful as well. "I'll never tell."

They both laughed, eating from a plate of fish that Jimmy had brought over. They were sitting in Lucifer's den, located deep within the Heinous mansion. Shelves of books and other furniture were illuminated in the dim room by torches mounted on the stone walls.

"Okay, check this out." Beezy beamed. He took a can of soda from the pile that he had brought over and cracked it open. He immediately began chugging it down. "Alright, now you just hold your breath for a sec and… **_BBBUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP!_**"

The large red devil let out a massive belch, creating a mini earthquake which shook everything. Books and papers fell from the shelves, which were being rumbling back and forth from the force of the burp. Beezy's belch finally lost its steam and the ground ceased shaking. The red devil patted his stomach, looking rather proud. "Aw yeah, that hit the spot."

"That…" Jimmy barely managed to squeeze out, with his eyes wide open with amazement, "Was. AMESOME!"

"Better than that," Beezy proclaimed with a grin, "it was amazing!"

They both looked at each other; each grinning ear to ear as they both suddenly shouted in unison. "It was AWESMAZING!"

They high-fived each other, laughing as they continued eating fish and chugging their sodas. Jimmy was just about to try a mega-burp as well when someone came flying down the steps and into the room.

"Hey _*pant* _Jimmy! _*pant*_"

Jimmy turned and instantly recognized the person as Heloise, who was panting and out of breath. "Oh hey Heloise." He gestured toward Beezy, who was looking at the girl with suspicion. "Have you meet Beezy yet?"

"Yeah sure whatever; listen," the girl hurriedly tried to explain as she caught her breath, "you've gotta get out of here. Lucifer's hunting you down."

"You mean like in tag?" Beezy suddenly blurted out stupidly. "Awesome! Tag, you're it!" The red devil lightly tapped Jimmy's shoulder with his claw and then started running around the room.

"Oh yeah? Not if I catch you!" Jimmy started sprinting after Beezy, leaving Heloise standing in the stairway entrance with a growing amount of frustration in her voice.

"Would you guys knock it off! Lucifer's coming to KILL YOU!" She shouted at the two boys, who were still running around. "I said KNOCK IT OFF!"

She reached into her gown and pulled out the Misery Inc. _Freeze-Dry Insta-Zap Gun _she had 'borrowed' from Dorkus' stock of inventions. She aimed and blasted it at Jimmy. In an instant, Jimmy was frozen in place, completely enveloped in ice.

"There!" She breathed in relief. "Now listen Jimmy, Lucifer's coming to get you. I don't know what he's going to do to you, but it's not going to be pretty. So you have to get out of here and hide out somewhere, at least until he calms down a bit."

"Yeah like that's ever going to happen." Beezy stated sarcastically.

"C'mon, we have to hurry!" She started running back up the steps when she noticed Jimmy wasn't following her. "Hello? What are you waiting for?" She asked in annoyance as she began descending the steps again. It was then that she realized that Jimmy was still frozen solid. "Oops, ahehe. Sorry about that."

"Don't worry, I got it" Beezy proclaimed. "Wait here a sec." He jokingly said to a still frozen Jimmy.

The large red devil walked over to a closet nearby and started rifling through it. "C'mon, I know I saw it in here somewhere… Oh here it is." He stated, picking something up from the back of the closet. He walked back over to Jimmy, holding what looked like a red gas canister. "Okay, now hold still." He joked again.

Beezy began pouring the contents of the canister into his mouth. Heloise could smell the amber colored liquid all the way from the staircase. "Are you drinking gasoline?" She asked in stunned amazement.

"Mhmm." Beezy nodded as he finished chugging the last of the gas. He then turned toward Jimmy, sucking in his gut and holding his breath. _"Wait for it… Wait for iiiit…_**_BBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRP!_**"

The large red devil let out a huge belch, just as before, but this one caused a huge blast of fire to burst from his mouth as well. He held his fire-ball burp for as long as he could while watching Jimmy slowly thaw from the heat of the inferno. Finally, his burp began to lose traction and he stopped.

Jimmy had thawed out but was still slightly shivering from the cold. "Th-Th-Thanks Beez.'"

"Alright let's go!" Heloise demanded with a sharp sense of urgency in her voice. "They'll probably be searching through the mansion soon."

"W-Wait, back up." Jimmy cut in, still confused about what was happening, "Did you say Lucy's trying to kill me?"

"Lucy?" The girl giggled, but quickly snapped back to her senses, "I mean yes! He's leading a manhunt for you _right now_! The whole army's out trying to capture you."

"Oh… Why?" Jimmy scratched his head. "I didn't do anything wrong did I?"

"Um, I think he's mad because you're so happy all the time. He doesn't really like that."

"Yeah," Beezy added, "dad's always harping about misery and stuff. He hates it when anyone but him is happy."

"That doesn't sound like Lucy. Maybe I should just talk to him." Jimmy mulled over aloud. Heloise quickly shot the idea down.

"No way." She answered. "As soon as he sees you, it's going to be pain and suffering first, ask questions later."

Beezy nodded in agreement as Jimmy then started thinking of a plan of action. "So um, where should I hide then?"

"I say we just hang out here." Beezy declared lazily. "I don't think they'll find us in here anyway."

"_I _found you in here." Heloise quickly retorted.

"Hey how _did_ you find us?" Jimmy questioned curiously.

"Well I was looking for you over by your house, and then I heard this humongous burp coming from the mansion. It lasted so long that I was able to track you here. I kinda just assumed it was you burping."

"Nope, that was all me." Beezy proclaimed proudly.

"_Anyway_," she sounded was annoyance, "I think you should duck out somewhere quiet and isolated for a bit. And you definitely have to avoid downtown. It'll probably be crawling with guards."

Heloise suddenly stopped and paused. What in the world was she doing? Helping Two-Shoes? After everything he had put her through? Why was she doing this? _"I should just hand him over to Lucifer." _She reasoned in her head. Then he'd pay for humiliating her in front of the devil.

"Yeah," Jimmy responded, snapping Heloise out of her internal conflict, "that sounds like a good idea. Thanks Heloise." He smiled at her brightly with his gap-toothed grin.

The girl's spine tingled. _"Oh god."_ It was that feeling again. Her stomach felt like it was imploding. She gritted her teeth, trying to suppress the emotion building inside her. _"Ugh, I don't like him! I DON'T LIKE HIM!" _She screamed in her head.

"Whoa," Beezy laughed, looking at Heloise, "your face is almost as red as mine."

The girl didn't even have to touch her face to know she was blushing. _"God damn it. I have got to quit doing that." _She thought, trying to quell the redness in her face. "Alright enough! We have to get out of here! C'mon!" She rapidly gestured toward the staircase.

Jimmy and Beezy began making their way toward the stairs, before Heloise cut in front of the large red devil. "No. There's no way _you're_ coming with us."

"Why not?" Jimmy asked, who was almost as surprised as Beezy.

"'_Why?'_ Because he's Lucifer's son, that's why!" She glared at Beezy. "We can't trust him!"

"Aw c'mon Heloise, we can totally trust Beezy." Jimmy patted Beezy on the back. "He's a real pal."

"_Pfffft_, please." She scoffed. "Sir Lumps-a-Lot over here would probably turn us over for a couple of hamburgers."

"Hey," Beezy finally defended himself, "That's so not true." He then paused. "…Well, ok maybe. But only if they were covered in mustard and barbeque sauce. _Mmmmm_ barbeque sauce…"

The monster started salivating, while Heloise just looked at him with an exasperated glare. "Fine, you wanna help big guy?"

"More than anything!" Beezy claimed excitedly, his tail wagging rapidly behind his back.

"Then we need you to stay here and lead Lucifer off Jimmy's trail." She explained slowly so the dimwitted red devil would be able to understand. "Just try and lead your dad to places where we definitely won't be, like um, the beach or the park."

"Or a food court or an ice-cream shop?" Beezy drooled as he began rambling about food.

"Uh, sure… whatever." The girl rolled her eyes. "C'mon Jimmy, let's go." She grabbed his hand and led him up the stairs.

"Don't worry guys, dad will never be able to find you with me around!" Beezy shouted as they ascended up the stairs. "Yep, you can count on me! Nothing gets past Beezy J. Hein_ZZZZzzzzzZZzzzZZZ…_" The red devil instantly fell asleep and plopped down onto the floor, snoring loudly as he curled up with his tail.

"Okay quick," Heloise panted as the two made their way into the mansion's foyer, "where's the absolute best place to hide in Hell?"

"Ummm… a church?" Jimmy smiled nervously.

Heloise just stared at the boy hopelessly. "Never mind. _I'll_ think of the hiding spot. Now let's see…" She looked out foyer door's large window. There were guards and tanks surrounding Jimmy's house, but she ignored them and attempted to see past the city's limits for a possible place to hide. There was a forest out to the west, which would probably be great for cover, and there were endless mountains off in the distance, which could make for a perfectly isolated hiding spot. "Alright, forest or mountains?" She asked aloud to herself.

"Hmmm, here let's flip a coin." Jimmy stated. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his gleaming, lucky 1966 quarter. "Heads for forest, tails for mountains." He declared before he tossed the coin into the air. He caught the coin and smacked it onto his arm before looking at it. "Tails."

"Mountains it is then." She said before taking another look through the door window. The guards searching Jimmy's house appeared to have left. "Alright, I think the coast is clear."

Heloise slowly opened the mansion's front door and checked in all directions. The neighborhood was eerily quiet, but Lucifer's troops appeared to have moved on to some other section of the city. Heloise remained silent but motioned for Jimmy to follow her. They both ran across the street, and ducked behind one of the neighborhood's houses. They continued, making sure to look out for any Minotaurs as they continued westward.

… … … … … … …

"C'mon you little brat, where could you be hiding?" Lucifer angrily muttered to himself as he peered over the gigantic monitor located in his office. "You've got to be here somewhere."

"Excuse me, your Heinous?" Samy scurried into the room clutching a handful of papers. "You're uh, probably going to want to look at these."

"Not now you idiot," The red devil's angry, narrowed eyes continued glaring over the monitor as his finger rapidly pressed a button which changed the channels. "I'm looking over these damned security cameras." He rubbed his exhausted eyes. "Ugh, I shouldn't have to be doing this all by myself. Why do we even need this many cameras in Miseryville anyway?" He complained angrily.

"But sir, you were the one that wanted a camera in every single nook and cranny in Miseryville. Just like with the T.V. monitors."

Lucifer scoffed. "That's different though. We needed _those_ everywhere so that no matter where people are, they'll still be able to see my glorious face whenever I make an announcement."

Samael rolled his eyes. "So anyway sir, the guards downstairs have been making a report based on the security camera feeds and-"

"Oh thank Satan. Give me those." Lucifer shoved Samy aside and grabbed the papers from the troll's hands, relieved now that he could finally take a break from watching the cameras. "Ok let's see here… -I don't get it."

The red devil gazed onto the papers, which outlined tips for the perfect workout routine, the best ways to cook a Roast Gruggly Beast, and who the top 16 contestants on _So You Think You've Got Misery _were. "What the heaven am I looking at here?" He asked with an exasperated look on his face.

Samy got up from the floor and rubbed his head. "Well your devilship, that's what I was trying to tell you. I think you've got the monitor set on cable, instead of the security camera feeds."

Lucifer turned back around and stared at the monitor, this time more closely.

"_-And coming up next, we pick out the best vacation spots Hell has to offer; a great way to add an extra touch of misery to your usual gloomy lives. But first, a word from the gloriously miserable geniuses over at Misery Inc." _A commercial for one of Misery Inc.'s newest products then flashed onto the giant screen.

"…Well then," Lucifer began to turn even redder than his usual shade, "no wonder I was having a hard time finding the brat." He then quickly regained his usual scowl and turned to Samael. "And just when were you going to tell me about this, hmmmm? I've been sitting here exhaustedly for hours now, looking at nothing apparently!" He growled menacingly.

"B-But sir, you've only been up here for 10 minutes."

"I don't want to hear your sniveling!" Lucifer slapped Samael's large green nose. The red devil then hopped off of his chair and pushed Samael onto it. "Here, _you _find the kid if you're so smart."

Samy swiveled the chair around and proceeded to press one button on the control panel. "Found him."

"You'll probably be sitting here all night looking for- wait WHAT?" Lucifer looked back up at the monitor and caught sight of Jimmy and Heloise running through the suburbs, headed toward the outskirts of the city. He paused and then smiled. "Ha! I knew I'd be able to find him easily." He praised himself as he folded his arms contently.

"But I-" Samy cut himself off and sighed. "I mean yes sir. You truly have the best eyes in Hell."

"There'll be plenty of time to point out my perfections later Samael. Right now I need you to go prepare… _IT_." The red devil rubbed his hands together devilishly as an evil grin spread across his face.

"S-Sir?" Samael hunched down in the chair and shook, but tried to master a sliver of courage, "M-Maybe we um s-shouldn't use _IT_. I-I mean, maybe we could just feed Two-Shoes to the Lava Worms or m-make him a t-test subject at the f-factory o-or I u-um…"

Samy began to quiver and stutter even more as he watched a cold, angry glare grow on Lucifer's face. "I-I m-muh-mean w-w-e co-cuh-could-" The troll's speech slowly lost coherency as Lucifer's eyes became a deep, blood red color. Samy quickly shut his mouth and covered his head, expecting a terrible blow from the devil.

"Samy." Lucifer whispered calmly.

The troll forced open one of his eyes and tried to squeeze out a response from his violently shaking body. "Y-Y-Ye-Yes s-s-sir?"

The red devil calmly motioned his dark, soulless, blood-red eyes toward the elevator. "Go prepare _IT_ **right now**, or you aren't going to have a mouth to stutter with."

"Y-Y-Yes sir! R-Right away!" Samy flew out of the chair and ran towards the elevator. He quickly pressed the button and descended downward, while praying to whatever being that had let him escape unharmed.

Lucifer then traced his cold, blood-red eyes back to the monitor. Jimmy and Heloise had already passed the city limits. He could tell from their path that they were attempting to reach the mountains. _"Not today Two-Shoes."_

The red devil pulled his cell-phone from out of his suit pocket and proceeded to dial. "Molotov, it's Lucifer… yes, yes… Ah huh. Yeah, they're about 10 minutes from the city… Yes…okay great. Yeah they're on foot and headed for the mountains… okay perfect. Listen; remember to capture him _unharmed_… Yes I know you like blowing people up; everyone does, but just do it…Excellent. So how fast can you catch up to the-… Oh really?"

Lucifer looked up at the giant screen again and saw Molotov and a large number of troops in helicopters and tanks had already cornered Jimmy and Heloise. Watching the ensuing struggle over the camera feed, he witnessed Heloise attempt to stave off capture by blasting his troops with some sort of freezing ray that she had pulled out from under her gown.

"_What the heaven is that girl doing?" _Lucifer's brow creased in anger as he saw dozens of his troops being frozen solid. He returned the cell-phone to his ear and began blasting his anger towards his general. "MOLOTOV! What are you doing! GET THAT GIRL!"

He then watched on the monitor as his troops piled on top of Heloise and wrestled the freeze ray from her. "Dear Satan, that girl is feistier than I thought." Lucifer whispered to himself. He then continued dictating his orders to Molotov. "Alright good, get her secured. She'll definitely need to be restrained with something heavy…What?… Oh Two-Shoes? _Pffft_, that scrawny little weakling? You can just slap him with some hand-cuffs; he doesn't pose any real threat… Correct; I want them _both_ brought to the factory. I've got a special surprise waiting for them when they get here…Okay perfect, I'll see you lat-… What?… NO! I'm not going to say-… What would the point of that-…But I-…Alright, alright fine!"

Lucifer looked around his office nervously—to make sure that no one was listening in on him—and brought the cell-phone closer to his mouth. He then lowered his voice into a hushed whisper. "I-I love you too Molotov. Okay BYE!" The red devil quickly ended the call and then looked around again. One of these days he was really going to have a talk with his so called 'blood-thirsty' general.


	16. The Abyss of Awesomeness

Chapter 16

_The Abyss of Awesomeness_

"Let go of me! _Umph, _I said LET GO!" Heloise snarled. She tried in vain to struggle free from her chains but they were triple bolted tightly around her body. The Minotaur guards held her above the ground to make sure that she couldn't run away. Jimmy was being led in handcuffs alongside her.

"Relax Heloise. I'm sure once we get to Lucy, we can straighten this whole thing out." Jimmy smiled optimistically. "This is probably just one big misunderstanding."

The girl rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure the ultimate ruler of Hell is a perfectly reasonable guy." She bit sarcastically.

"That's the spirit Heloise!" Jimmy smiled as the guards led them down yet another dimly lit hallway deep within the factory. "I wonder where we're going."

"Probably some back room where he'll torture us for eternity." Heloise answered, still wiggling in her chains.

"Naw, Lucy wouldn't do that. Maybe he just wants to tell me something." Jimmy thought aloud.

"Well then why did he send his army after you instead of just coming to you himself?" She asked, annoyed with Jimmy's naivety.

"Maybe he has a surprise for me." Jimmy beamed. "I hope its cake."

After another five minutes of walking down a series of maze-like hallways, the guards finally led them to a huge, spacious granite-grey room. There were humongous pictures of Lucifer VII hung up on the walls and in front of them was an enormous 40 foot tall balcony positioned between two humongous T.V. monitors.

"Alright, what's the big idea?" Heloise growled, having finally given up escaping her chains. "What exactly is this place anyway?"

"_**This, my dear little traitor, is the last place you'll ever get to see for an eternity, so I'd shut your trap and enjoy it if I were you."**_

Heloise and Jimmy both looked at the balcony and saw projected onto the two huge monitors a menacingly evil image of Lucifer grinning at them while he held a microphone.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME!" Heloise angrily shouted up toward the smiling Heinous.

"_**I said SHUT YOUR TRAP!" **_Lucifer shouted into the microphone, this time chuckling as he motioned for Samael to come to his side. _**"Now let's see here…" **_Lucifer grabbed a few papers from his worthless assistant, who was cowering and trying not to get to close to the devil. _**"Ah, here we are. Jimmy 'Two-Shoes'; oh you're in A LOT of trouble mister."**_

"Me?" Jimmy asked, frowning. "What did _I_ do?"

"_**Well let's look." **_Lucifer's grin widened as he read along the first piece of paper. _**"'Three counts of being happy,' 'conspiracy to spread happiness,' 'failure to maintain a proper level of misery,' and finally 'multiple counts of annoying the Overlord of Hell.'"**_

"Uh, the 'Overlord of Hell'?" Jimmy echoed confusedly. "Who is _that_?"

"_**IT'S ME YOU SIMPLETON!" **_Lucifer snapped, momentarily losing his grin. He then took a deep breath and then flipped through the papers in his hand until he pulled out a second one. "_**Ha, and of course we can't forget about our sweet little serial killer here now can we."**_

Heloise screamed and looked as if she was about to explode with rage from hearing the words 'sweet' and 'little' used to describe her.

Lucifer smiled at seeing the girl angrily flail in her chains. _**"For you, Miss Heloise**_, _**we have **__**the grievous crime of treason, not to mention a breach of contract." **_Lucifer then rifled through the papers in his hand until he pulled out one and held it up for the two to see. Heloise recognized it on the monitors as her housing form. _**"So I guess we won't be needing this anymore."**_ The red devil monster took another deep breath, sucking in his gut, and then blew a powerful stream of fire from his mouth, incinerating the contract held up in his claws.

"Whoa Lucy," Jimmy's smiling mouth fell open in awe, "I didn't know you could breathe fire. That's awesmazing!"

Lucifer gave an annoyed, dry chuckle. He was surprised to find Jimmy's nicknames didn't have the same maddening effect on him as before. _**"Any who, now onto my favorite part." **_He cleared his throat before returning the microphone to his grinning mouth._** "For both of your crimes against Miseryville, and more importantly ME—Lucifer Heinous the Seventh—I can think of only one suitable punishment for the two of you."**_

"Make us sit here while you keep talking for an eternity?" Heloise whispered over to Jimmy, causing him to giggle.

"_**NO YOU INSUFFERABLE BRAT!" **_Lucifer blasted into the microphone, having heard her little quip. The short devil clenched the device in his claws before an evil grin finally returned to his face. _**"Aha, very funny you tiny little elf. I'm sure the both of you will be laughing hysterically once you're trapped in my nightmarish prison for the rest of your eternal lives."**_

"'A nightmarish prison'? _Pffft_," Heloise scoffed. "It can't possibly be any worse than Hell."

"_**It's a thousand times worse than Hell, you little goblin." **_Lucifer spat. _**"So, as the Supreme Overlord of Hell and Misery, I—Lucifer Heinous the Seventh— sentence the both of you to spend an eternity inside the Abyss of Nothingness! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" **_Lucifer lost himself in hysterical laughter, while Jimmy and Heloise looked at each other, both clueless.

"So what exactly is the _'Abyss of Nothingness' _**Lucy**?" Heloise asked, smiling.

Lucifer's maniacal laughter instantly died. It was much, much more annoying hearing Jimmy's nicknames coming from this little girl. _**"The Abyss of Nothingness is a dark, empty space, filled with despair and misery. In it, nothing exists; no people, no objects, no color, no light, no hope, no nothing. Guaranteed to render anyone who falls in completely broken and miserable. And once you go in, there's no coming back out."**_ Lucifer grinned.

"Uh, b-but sir," Samael tugged Lucifer's sleeve from behind, "what about those two times when we fell in and- _OUCH!_" Lucifer slapped his hand over Samy's mouth.

"Be quiet you idiot! That hasn't even happened in the storyline yet! Why must you always be so anachronistic!" Lucifer then kicked Samy off the balcony, sending the troll plunging 40 feet before slamming onto the ground.

"_**Okay, now where was I?"**_ Lucifer asked aloud, returning the microphone to his mouth. _**"Oh yes, I was just about to banish the two of you forever."**_ Lucifer snapped his fingers. His Minotaur guards then started shoving the still restrained Heloise and Jimmy out toward the exit.

The guards led the pair out into the factory's main lobby, before pushing them outside toward the tall, imposing walls surrounding the complex. Lucifer trailed behind them, grinning, as Samy slowly brought up their rear. Finally they stopped by the wall's entrance; Lucifer walked up in front of them, then stopped.

"Open it." He quickly commanded. "And make sure the cameras are running."

"Y-Yes sir, right away your Heinous." Samy quivered and ran to the side of the entrance, whispering something to the guards stationed at the wall. Immediately, the wall's entrance to the factory opened. Behind it, instead of the view to the suburbs and city, was a giant, floating, black splotchy-looking portal that gave off a bright yellowish glow at the sides.

Lucifer's grin widened, ear to ear, before he finally snapped his fingers again. "Up. Now." He commanded curtly.

"R-Right away chief." Samael looked up in the sky for a moment, before he suddenly put his fingers to his mouth and whistled.

Two large, screeching misery birds instantly flew down from above the clouds and carried Lucifer up to the top of the wall. The red devil stepped off and looked around at all of the floating cameras aimed directly onto him. He also looked down, 70 feet below him, at Jimmy and Heloise, who looked like a pair of yellow and brown dots. Lucifer reached into his suit's pocket, pulled out his microphone, and then turned his attention to one of the camera's focusing in on him.

"_**Greetings, citizens of Miseryville!" **_He smiled at the camera while speaking into the mike. _**"Have I got a special treat for you tonight!"**_


	17. Nothing Left to Lose

I am a huge sucker for sappy speeches. This whole chapter was kind of a shot in the dark, seeing as how all the released information about the JTS pilot has zero information about how Jimmy's first encounter in Hell actually ended. Other than the obvious implication that it was somewhat positive. But I guess it depends on your definition of positive.

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 17<span>

_Nothing Left to Lose_

"_**My fellow Miseryvillians, tonight I—Lucifer Heinous the Seventh—am extremely proud to bring you a live broadcast of the banishment of two good little apples who were foolish enough to defy the Master of Misery and Despair." **_Lucifer spoke in his mike, directly facing one of the cameras.

"Who's the 'Master of Misery'?" Jimmy shouted confusedly up toward Lucifer.

The red devil bit his lip, trying to make sure he didn't lose his cool in front of the hundreds of cameras fixed onto him. He ignored the teenager and kept talking. _**"Anyway, as you can see, these two happy little lovebirds are about to be plunged in the endless void of misery and darkness known as the Abyss of Nothingness!"**_

Dozens of floating cameras descended toward Jimmy and Heloise, broadcasting their faces across televisions throughout Miseryville.

"HEY! WHO ARE YOU CALLING LOVEBIRDS!" Heloise shouted in anger toward the devil, whose grin was beginning to pick up again.

Lucifer then stared directly into one of the cameras and smiled. _**"Take this as a warning, you worthless, insignificant, little insects. No one crosses Lucifer Heinous the Seventh and gets away with it. NO ONE!" **_He yelled into the mike, before quickly regaining composure. _**Now then, onto the best part."**_

The short red devil monster motioned with his claws to his guards. They grabbed the duo and led them closer toward the portal.

"_**The girl first," **_Lucifer instructed. _**"I want to save Two-Shoes for last."**_

The two Minotaur guards who were holding Heloise, still wrapped in chains, lifted her closer and closer toward the entrance of the void. They were about to throw her into the abyss when they were halted instantly.

"Hey wait a sec!" Jimmy shouted up toward the grinning devil. "Aren't you going to at least let us say any final words or something?"

"_**And why would I do that?"**_ Lucifer questioned impatiently.

"Uh, I guess because they always do it in cartoons. " Jimmy smiled nervously.

Lucifer stood still for a few seconds, appearing to be mulling over the decision. Finally, he exhaled his breath. _**"Fine, I'll give you your stupid final words. Just don't take forever."**_ The red devil gestured for the guards to bring Heloise back to Jimmy's side. _**"You've both got two minutes."**_

Jimmy looked over at Heloise. She was red in the face, but he could see tear droplets forming in her eyes. "Hey don't worry Heloise. Even if we do get trapped in there forever, at least we'll have each other."

Heloise's face immediately returned to its normal, annoyed expression. "Oh joy. That definitely makes me feel better." She muttered sarcastically.

Jimmy then turned his attention back up to Lucifer. "Hey Lucy! Could we get the microphone please?"

The red devil frowned for a moment, but then rolled his eyes and threw the mike down toward the two. One of the guards caught it and held it up to Jimmy, who was still handcuffed. The teen cleared his throat, before putting his mouth up to the device.

"_**Um, hello. My name is Jimmy Two-Shoes,"**_ Jimmy began speaking while looking directly into one of the cameras trained on him, _**"and, uh, I just wanted to say that even though me and my friend are about to be trapped inside this dark, scary abyss forever, I don't blame Lucy for it. I mean, he's a really good guy, and a good friend."**_

"WHAT?" Lucifer screamed high atop the wall. Heloise shot Jimmy a look of angered surprise, before she looked up at the devil monster and grinned deviously.

"_Oooh, I get it." _She whispered to Jimmy. "Hey," she turned to the guard holding the microphone up, "Let me have it now; I have something to say too."

The guard put the microphone up to Heloise's mouth. _**"Yes, ahem, I would just like to say what a great boss Lucy's been." **_The girl fought back giggles. _**"He's a really sweet monster." **_

"Stop that! Stop that right now!" Lucifer shouted down to the pair from the top of the wall. "And stop calling me Lucy!" The red devil's face was beginning to turn bright blue.

Jimmy, standing right beside Heloise, took a deep breath and put his mouth over the microphone again. _**"Well, um, if this really is my last few moments in Miseryville, then I should probably say something about all the great people I've met here. Uh, Beezy, if you're watching this then I just wanted to tell you what an awesmazing friend you've been. And a great neighbor too. A great freighbor I guess." **_The boy then turned to his female companion. "_**And Heloise, I know we've only really known each other for like two days now, but I'm really glad I met you. And even though we're about to be thrown into an empty, bottomless void for an eternity, I'm happy that I'll at least get to spend it together with you."**_

Heloise's face grew bright pink. "Uh, I-um, I mean I…-"

"Oh puh-lease!" Lucifer shouted down from above, holding his finger to his mouth and pretending to gag. "I'm about to puke! Just get on with it; I don't have all night!"

"_**Uh, and I also wanted to say that I'm glad I met you too Lucy." **_Jimmy looked up at the angrily glaring red devil. _**"I know you can get kind of mad sometimes, but I know you mean well."**_

"No, I don't mean well! I mean bad! Very, very bad!" Lucifer yelled in frustration.

Jimmy then turned back to the cameras and smiled. _**"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I really can't remember anything from my old life. My family, my friends, and even my last name are all gone, so Miseryville is really the only home I can remember. I know technically it's in Hell and everything, but it's still the nicest place I've ever known."**_

"Oh for the love of-" Lucifer slapped his hand over his forehead. "Just throw him in already!"

The guards pulled Jimmy away and then lifted him up. They were about to toss him inside the black abyss when a shout echoed from up above the clouds.

"WAIT! Waitwaitwaitwaitwait-" A figure dropped from the sky and headed straight toward the ground, but stopped just short of crashing as it appeared to be attached to some sort of bungee cord. As the cord settled, the figure attached to it became recognizable as a young woman in jeans and a T-shirt with a laminated ID hanging from her neck. "Please just wait. Oh man." The woman caught her breath as she remained suspended in the air, still attached to the cord.

"Oh perfect," Lucifer gritted, "another interruption. " The red devil was practically spitting fire, from his loss of patience, as he yelled down toward the ground. "HEY! JUST WHO THE HEAVEN ARE _YOU?_ YOU'RE DISRUPTING MY DEVILISHLY CRUEL, PUBLIC PUNISHMENT HERE!"

"Oh, sorry man but uh, there's been a tiny mistake." The woman tried her best to reach into her pocket, as she was still hanging in the air. She managed to finally pull out some papers and waved it up in Lucifer's direction. "The office kind of dropped someone down here who was actually supposed to go to Heaven."

Lucifer's fury faded, and his face grew blank. "The offi- Oh you mean Purgatory." His annoyed face quickly returned. "I thought they never make mistakes. And besides, can't this wait until later! I'm sort of in the middle of something here!"

The woman crossed her arms. "Hey, look grandpa, I'm just an intern. Don't yell at me; _I_ didn't make the mistake. And 2nd, you were about to chuck him in an inescapable black hole for an eternity, which means that I would totally get fired, and I need this for college credit."

"What? You mean-" Lucifer looked down at Jimmy, before the flash finally went off in his head. "-You mean Two-Shoes isn't actually supposed to be here?"

"Yeah, no duh pops; I think maybe his e-file got mixed up or something or whatevskies. They gave me his real file and he's as nice as an angel. Or I think; I dunno, I've never actually met any angels."

Lucifer looked up at the girl's bungee cord extending up into the sky. "Are you telling me you actually bungeed all the way from Purgatory?"

"Yeah I know, it took us like forever to find one long enough." The woman then twisted in order to face Jimmy. "Anyway dude, we gotta split. You were supposed to be in Heaven like five days ago. Any longer and the Office is gonna get a ton of paperwork about the mix-up. And you know they always stick those on the interns. "

"Wait, so you mean I can leave? I can really go to Heaven?" Jimmy asked, his smile getting wider and wider.

"Yeah totally. You definitely don't belong down here."

"Hey!" Heloise cut in. "What about me?"

"Hmmm." The woman flipped through the papers in her hand. "Yeah sorry, I don't see anything in here about a girl accidentally getting dropped down here. 'Fraid your stuck miss."

"Oh well, it was worth a try." Heloise shrugged in her chains.

"Wait so-" Lucifer was trying to piece together the situation in his frustrated mind. "So you're going to take Two-Shoes up to Heaven? He'll finally be out of my hair forever?" Lucifer asked aloud, slowly starting to form a genuine smile of happiness on his face.

"What hair?" Heloise shouted up, stifling giggles as Lucifer shot her a death glare.

"So yeah, c'mon man, time's a wasting." The woman extended her hand toward Jimmy. "We gotta get going."

Jimmy looked at the woman's hand and then looked around for several seconds. It seemed as if he was about to reach for her, but then he took a step back. "Uh, no thanks."

"What do you mean 'no thanks'?" The woman waved her papers at Jimmy. "You have to come back! You aren't even supposed to be here! Do you know what they'll do to me if I _don't _take you back? Unspeakable things!"

"Yeah, but I kind of like it here. Didn't you hear my sappy speech a couple of minutes ago?"

"WHAT?" Lucifer shrieked at Jimmy. "How can you say 'no' to Heaven? It's every person's dream to go there you idiot!" He then tried to calm his voice. "I mean, uh, you should go Two-Shoes. I hear Heaven is great. It's all happy and smiley and goody-goody; it was practically made for you." Lucifer feigned a smile, trying not to vomit.

"Well that does sound pretty cool," Jimmy thought aloud, "but I think I want to stay in Miseryville even more. Besides, what about all my friends here? I mean, _you'd_ miss me wouldn't you Lucy?"

Lucifer nearly popped a blood vessel as he tried to keep a straight face, despite his horribly twitching eyes and clenched teeth forcing itself into a fake smile. "I-I mean of course I'd miss you," He lied right through his phony smile, "but I'm sure you'd be able to much happier in Heaven. I mean, Miseryville is so dull and depressing."

Jimmy looked at Heloise, who suddenly caught herself staring at the teen. "Hey Heloise, what do you think?"

"What me?" The girl put on an annoyed, uncaring look, despite her face getting pinker and pinker. "_Pfffft,_ I couldn't care less. With you gone I'll at least get some peace and quiet in the abyss."

"Awww, thanks Heloise." Jimmy smiled. "Well that settles it, there's no way I'm leaving."

"Okay, maybe you didn't hear me, but you're not allowed to stay here. You HAVE to come back. If they started letting innocent souls go to Hell, there'd be mass chaos and stuff."

"Well, is there any way I _can_ stay? I really don't wanna leave Miseryville." Jimmy frowned.

"No way Two-Shoes, rules are rules! You heard the woman; you're going to Heaven whether you like it or not!" The red devil shouted, desperate to get of the teen.

"Uh actually-" The woman flipped through her papers before pulling out a page in the stack. "-I'm pretty sure there's some kind of clause in here… ah here it is." She handed the paper over to Jimmy's handcuffed hands. "I think it's at the bottom."

Jimmy pressed the paper close to his face. "Ok let's see… Oh man, there are a lot of words here." He tried to skim through the walls of text and typical legal jargon until he found what looked like his golden loophole.

* * *

><p><em>The individual soul subject to Heaven and Hell's terms and conditions previously stated understands that placement in either of said areas directly corresponds to both the number of sins committed andor assisted by the soul and their respective degrees of severity. Furthermore, the soul understands that gross or severe sin(s) [Outlined Section XI] and/or a multitude of intentional, unrepentant sins [Outlined Section VIII, fig. 21-23] committed and/or assisted by the respective individual soul will result in immediate, __**PERMANENT**__ disqualification for entry and/or residence into Heaven/Heavenly-body subsidiaries and subsequently lead to the respective soul's immediate, mandatory placement in Hell for the remainder of the individual soul's lifespan—post-mortem__*****__ [Terms and Conditions, Section XXII]._

_*****__Note—Post-mortem lifespan of souls are infinite in length._

* * *

><p>Jimmy's brain felt like it was about to melt, but he was sure he understood the gist of the clause. "So basically all I have to do is sin and I get to stay, right?"<p>

"Um, I guess so." The woman scratched her head. "But it would probably the first time anyone's ever sinned specifically so they _don't _get into Heaven. "

"Awesome!" Jimmy clutched the paper in his hand. "I can totally do that!"

Heloise scoffed. "Please, the worst thing _you've_ probably ever done is jaywalk or something."

"Hey I only did that once, and it was an accident." Jimmy frowned. "Besides, how hard can it be? Everyone else here's already done it." The teen looked around and then finally fixed his eyes on the woman suspended in the air by her bungee cord.

"Uh, what are you staring at?" The woman suddenly grew a look of concern.

"I just had a great idea!" Jimmy proclaimed, ignoring the woman. The boy squinted one of his eyes and held his thumb up in the air, appearing to line it up with Lucifer's position high on top of the wall. He then grabbed the woman—stilling hanging in the air—with his handcuffed hands and started pulling her back. "Alright, hold still Miss."

"What are- Hey what do you think you're doing? Let go!" The woman tried to kick her feet, but couldn't loosen Jimmy's grip on her harness. She looked up and saw the bungee cord still attached to her stretching and tightening as Jimmy kept pulling her along as he walked backwards. "I'm serious dude, let me go! This isn't funny!"

"Don't worry ma'am, I'll let you go in a second." Jimmy smiled, still focusing his eyes on Lucifer. He continued moving backwards, having to pull harder and harder as the bungee cord became harder to stretch.

Lucifer looked on at the two from on top of the wall, squinting his eyes as he tried to make out what was going on. "What in the name of misery are they doing now?"

Jimmy stopped. Any attempt he made to take another step back was useless, as the bungee cord was now so tightened and stretched that he had to strain from being pulled forward again. He took another look up at Lucifer and then at the woman. "Miss, you might want to cover your head."

"Cover my head?" She echoed confusedly. "Why would I need to do thaAAAAAAAAAAA**AAAAAAAAAAAA**-"

Jimmy released his grip on the woman's harness, sending her flying like a rocket straight toward Lucifer. The red devil monster was still straining his eyes toward the ground, trying to see what was happening, when he heard high pitched screaming and what looked like a spec from down below growing bigger and bigger heading right for him. He blinked once, just in time to see the spec fully grown, right in front of his face, and then _**WHAM! **_The woman shot right into Lucifer, knocking him off the wall. She continued flying, until the bungee cord she was attached to stretched to its limit again and pulled her back towards Jimmy's direction on the ground. She bounced up and down several times until her cord finally came to a rest.

Lucifer, however, plummeted down the opposite side of the wall. He screamed, which echoed loudly in all directions, before he fell right into the Abyss of Nothingness waiting directly below. His echoing screams faded as he completely disappeared into the portal. The woman, now stilly suspended in the air, was a mess with wind-swept ruffled hair and a black eye and bloody nose from where she rammed face-first into Lucifer.

Jimmy ran back toward the woman and Heloise, grinning widely. "That was awesmazing!"

Heloise stood silent, her mouth open and her face completely stunned. It looked as if she was trying to form words, but her brain just wouldn't let her.

Jimmy suddenly held his cheek with his handcuffed hands. He could feel something tingling inside his mouth. He ran his finger alongside his teeth until he stopped along one of his top molars, on the opposite side of his missing tooth. It felt weird. Oddly smooth. And a tad long. He ran his tongue against it, only to feel its painfully sharp tip. Extraordinarily sharp. "Hey Heloise do you see anything weird here?" Jimmy asked before forming a wide smile.

"Besides the fact that it took me this long to see that you're a raging psychopath?" She half-jokingly answered.

"Please Heloise," Jimmy laughed, "I'm not allergic to plants. But that's beside the point. I mean is there anything weird about my teeth?" He pointed toward the tooth that felt unusually long and sharp for a molar.

Heloise looked and then peered closer at it. "It looks like a really sharp fang. It's pretty long too."

"YES!" Jimmy shouted and jumped in air. "It worked!" He tried to pick up Heloise in celebration, but his handcuffs made it pretty difficult.

"Did what?" Heloise angrily bit. "And put me down!"

"Don't you see Heloise, I got one! I got a birthmark!" Jimmy smiled and pointed at his tooth.

"A monster mark you freak!" Samy shouted from beside the wall's entrance.

"A what?" Heloise asked. She hated being out of the loop.

"You get it when you sin." Jimmy continued smiling. "I guess I got a fang for my first one. Cool huh? You can touch it if you want." Jimmy held his face closer toward her, which probably wasn't his best idea.

Heloise headbutted Jimmy in the face and then frowned angrily. "Well how come I didn't get one? I've been sinning like crazy ever since I got here."

"Yeah that is kind of weird." Jimmy scratched his head. He looked over the small girl and paused at her 'feet'. "Um, did you check under your dress?"

"It's a gown!" She snapped. "And I can't, at least not in these chains." She glared at one of the guards close by the pair. "I said AT LEAST NOT IN THESE CHAINS!"

The Minotaur guard looked frightfully in all directions before finally taking out a set of keys and unlocking the girl's triple bolted chains. Heloise stretched her cramped body for a second and then shot another glare at the guard, who proceeded to run for his life.

"Do you see anything?" Jimmy asked, trying to look under her robe along with her.

"Hey, if you try and sneak a peak, _I'll_ throw you in the abyss." She threatened. The girl then took a few steps back and turned so that no one could see. She lifted up her gown and then screamed.

"What? What is it?" Jimmy asked, half out of concern and half out of curiosity.

Heloise quickly let down her gown again and walked back over to Jimmy. She looked extremely pale and disturbed. "Well, at least now I know where I've been _turning_." She shifted her eyes toward Samy, who was cowering behind one of the guards from Heloise's scream. "Hey, you!"

"Uh oh," Samy gulped, "Uh y-yes?"

"Does this mean I'm actually going to turn into a monster permanently?"

Samy slowly walked over and hid behind Jimmy. "W-Well actually, um, when you signed your contract with Lucifer, you became contractually bound to do evil for Misery Inc. So, uh, any sinning you've done after you signed it doesn't actually count." Heloise glared at the short troll, who began quivering again. "Uh, so a-any changes you've had must have happened before you met Lucifer."

"You mean like when I chucked that rock at you?" She grinned.

Samy frowned. "Yeah, kind of like that."

"Soooo," Jimmy turned back toward the huge floating black abyss, "Is Lucy gonna be okay? I mean, he said if you fall in, you're stuck there forever."

"Oh don't worry about him," Samy dismissed, "that wasn't entirely true. He should be out of there by the next episode."

"The next what?"

"Never mind. Don't worry about it." Samy yawned. The small troll turned his head and then yelped before he jumped up and cowered behind Jimmy's back. "Wh-Wha-What's going on with her?"

He pointed toward the woman still suspended in air by the bungee cord, who appeared to be completely motionless and unconscious. There was blood dripping down her face and her black eye was already swelling.

"Is she dead?" Jimmy asked, about to poke her body.

The woman suddenly began moving again, which caused Samy to scream. "I'm not dead! _*Groan* _I'm just really woozy. And dizzy. _*Groan* _Uck, and I've got blood all over my face."

"Oh well, sorry about that." Jimmy blurted out by instinct, before quickly catching himself. "Oh uh, I mean I'm _not _sorry! At all! I'm glad you busted your face." He then checked his fang to make sure it was still there. He couldn't risk it disappearing by apologizing.

The woman just glared at him and scowled. "Whatever. I'm so out of here. I can't believe I'm not getting paid for this." She yanked her bungee cord multiple times, until finally it began to retract upward. After a few jerking motions slowly raising her up, the cord finally began retracting quickly and smoothly, pulling the woman swiftly back up in the sky and finally out of sight.

Heloise looked around. It was getting pretty dark and it was fairly obvious that she and Jimmy were officially off the hook. "Well what do we do now?"

"I don't know about you but I've had it for today." Samy yawned and stretched his arms. He put his fingers to his mouth and whistled. "Okay everyone, let's go!"

In an instant, the hordes of Minotaur guards surrounding them disbanded, and the hundreds of floating cameras still recording from different vantage points flew apart in different directions back toward the city. Jimmy and Heloise quickly moved forward through the entrance, stepping around the huge glowing Abyss of Nothingness in front of them, as the gate was being closed. The lights coming from the factory behind them shut off, as the echoing of the wall barrier's huge gate finally locking shut died down. In a few moments, it seemed as if Jimmy and Heloise were the only ones left. There was dead silence all around them, and the only light they could see was from the partially hidden moon above them and the myriad of bright lights glowing from the city, off in the distance.

"Um, Jimmy." Heloise suddenly broke the silence.

"Yeah Heloise?" Jimmy turned toward her, still fiddling with his handcuffs that nobody bothered to take off of him.

"I'm uh, glad you decided to stay."

Jimmy's smile widened, ear to ear. "Wow, really?"

The girl quickly turned her head away and scoffed. "Yeah, whatever. Don't think this means I like you or anything." She started walked ahead back towards the suburbs. After busting her butt all day protecting this smiley, gap-toothed psycho, her exhaustion was finally catching up to her.

"Gee, thanks Heloise." Jimmy skipped beside her. "You know _I _like you though, right?"

Heloise nearly fell over as her feet went numb at the mention of the 'L' word. She quickly recomposed herself and looked at Jimmy, who was still smiling at her. "Wh-What do you mean you _'like_'me?" She demanded.

"Well, you're nice, and smart, and you can really kick a lot of butt." Jimmy laughed, continuing to stroll down the road alongside the girl. "And you're also a really great friend."

"Oh. A friend." Heloise frowned. "Of course."

"So what do you want to do when we get back?" Jimmy asked obliviously, continuing to bite at his handcuffs.

"Sleep." Heloise groaned. "And don't worry. I'll find something to cut those off."

"Awesome. Do you have anything that can remove teeth too? 'Cause I don't think I want this fang anymore. It's a little too big and sharp." Jimmy stammered, licking his monster fang with his tongue.

"Sure, but then you'll have two missing teeth."

"Aw I don't really mind. It'll make my smile more even." He grinned.

Heloise giggled without realizing it. "So, um, what do you want to do tomorrow?" She asked, suddenly in a much better mood.

Jimmy face brightened even more. "Oh I have the perfect plan. Tomorrow we can meet Beezy over at his dad's house and ride down his huge staircase. I'm gonna get a skateboard and totally shred down the railing." He began waving to an imaginary crowd. "It'll be Jimmy Von Fearless' greatest stunt ever!"

Heloise started laughing. "That humongous staircase in the mansion? You're really gonna skate down _that_? It's suicide."

"Hey, it's not like I'm gonna die." Jimmy laughed along with her.

The two walked together down the main road into the suburbs. The night was quiet. There was a cool chill hanging in the air. The moon was just emerging from the clouds, almost brightening up that small corner of the most hellish spot in the universe. The two seemed to be in a world all their own. And nobody was enjoying it more than Jimmy.


	18. Epilogue

I'm going to be completely honest here. I'm not even sure what the fourth wall is, let alone if I've broken it. I think the fourth wall might have broken me.

* * *

><p><span>Epilogue<span>

"When is he supposed to get here again?" Jimmy moaned, bored and playing with a doohickey he found on one of the shelves.

"Shut up Two-Shoes." Lucifer growled, half-bored himself. "And pass me another cold one, will you?"

"Sure thing buddy." Jimmy reached over the sofa, into the cooler full of ice, and picked up an ice cold wine cooler. He handed it to Lucifer who immediately began chugging it.

"_Ahhhh_," The red devil monster exhaled with content relief, "that hits the spot."

"You know it's 11:30 in the morning, right?" Heloise asked rhetorically, lying on the floor bored out of her mind.

"I know; it's almost time for your naps, isn't it?" Lucifer chuckled before returning to his drink.

"Bite me Lucy." She hissed before flipping herself over onto her stomach. "And he was supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago. What's taking him so long?"

"Those pitch meetings can take forever." Jimmy answered. "I mean, I think they do. I've never actually been to one."

_**Knock, knock. **_The trio turned their heads toward the door, which opened to reveal a Caucasian man with dirty blond hair and a beard. "Hey hey guys, did ya miss me?"

"Hey Sean!" Jimmy jumped up from the sofa and walked over toward the door. Lucifer and Heloise remained in their positions, with Heloise continuing to scowl and Lucifer starting to develop his pre-noon buzz.

"Finally." Heloise and Lucifer both seemed to moan in unison.

"Sorry I'm late; I got hung up at the office." The man said, carrying his bag in past the trio.

"Well?" Jimmy held his hands together and tried to keep himself from bouncing up and down in anticipation, "What did they say?"

"Weeelllllllll… you guys know that me and Edward have been pitching it for a while now, right?"

"Yeah, and?" Jimmy asked quickly. Heloise and Lucifer also held their heads up in anticipation.

"And you know the whole idea was kind of a long-shot from the beginning, right?"

"A huh, a huh, _and_?" The teen asked, biting his lip in suspense.

"And after all those meetings and pitch bible revisions…"

"OUT WITH IT!" The three shouted in anticipation.

"…We got greenlit!" The man smiled and raised both his hands in the air. "We should be starting production in a couple of weeks!"

"YES!" Jimmy jumped up into the air with his fist stuck up high in celebration.

"BUT," The man quickly continued, "we had to make a few changes."

Jimmy froze midair, his face still fixed with his smile and his fist still held up. Heloise's smile quickly turned into a skeptical frown.

"What do you mean _'changes'_?" She sighed, crossing her arms.

"Well, for starters, we have to make the plot a little more 'kid friendly' now."

"Oh boy, here we go." Lucifer groaned, returning to his wine cooler.

"No no, it's fine. We don't have to change a whole lot. Only now, we obviously can't use Hell for a setting. Parents aren't gonna be cool with that. So we're just going to call it Miseryville. See, all we have to do is change the name, we can still keep all the demons and lava and stuff."

"But that isn't everything, is it?" Heloise questioned.

"Uh, no, actually there's a little bit more." He took a deep breath and then clasped his hands together. "You're character is a tiny bit different now."

Lucifer started laughing. Heloise's face, however, began to form an angry scowl. "What do you mean by 'different'?" She whispered, half-threateningly.

"Um, well, you aren't a serial killer anymore. Now you're a psychotic inventor for the factory. Also, now you've been living in Miseryville all your life, so you don't know about Earth." He smiled nervously. "Plus, now you have a huge, stalker crush on Jimmy, BUT other than that you're exactly the same." He hurriedly explained.

Heloise's face went bright red with anger and embarrassment as Lucifer's laughter became much louder. Jimmy was pretending to vomit with his finger held up to his mouth.

Finally the red devil monster wiped the tears of laughter from his eyes. "Oh man, I needed that. Sooo what about me Mr. Scott?"

"Well, you know we have to drop the whole Heaven/Hell thing now, along with all the bible references of course. We can't have religious soccer moms attacking us; so from now on your name is Lucius. Lucius Heinous the Seventh."

Lucius shrugged. "_Pffft_, is that it?" He scoffed. "That's not nearly as bad as Miss Kissy-Face over there."

Before Heloise had a chance to pounce on the red monster, the man quickly stepped back in. "But now, you're also a bumbling half-moron."

Lucius spit out his wine-cooler all over the carpet. He choked for a minute, trying to get the last few drops out of his throat before his face became bright blue. "I'm WHAT?"

"We have to make the show friendlier for kids, so we need comic reliefs. Plus we can't have a murderous, egomaniacal, cold-hearted, _intelligent_ antagonist. We at least need you to be somewhat incompetent, but in a funny kind of way. Don't worry about it." He tried half-heartedly to convince the red devil monster, whose eyes were turning blood red.

"Well what about me?" Jimmy asked, now looking fairly worried.

"Jimmy," The man turned toward the quirky, perpetually optimistic teenager, "I'm happy to say that you won't be changing at all."

"Awesome!" Jimmy smiled and jumped up into the air.

"Except for _one_ thing." The man quickly added.

Jimmy froze in the air again, this time growing a worried frown. "What is it?"

"We can't use the whole 'you getting hit by a bus thing'. Too graphic. Sooo we're not going to mention how you got to Miseryville. We'll just leave it vague. But we'll make it clear that you're new and that you've experienced Earth things that Miseryvillians won't know about. Oh, and you'll be the only human now, permanently. Everyone else will just be a monster."

"I can live with that." Jimmy smiled, hopping back down on the ground.

"Whelp, that about does it for the big changes. Now all we have to do is add a few more supporting characters for the cast."

_**CRASH! **_A large explosion ripped through one of the walls, sending a blast of plaster and dust into the room. Emerging from the cloud of dust settling onto the debris covered floor was a tall, fat red devil monster with two stubby horns, a long red nose, and a long, fat red tail.

"Yello my friends. Did I hear you say you needed more characters?" He smiled.

Lucius coughed up dust and wiped his watering eyes. "And just who the hell are you?"

A small, pale Lilliputian-like monster with brown hair and a single Cyclops eye stepped into sight on top of the fat red monster's head. "Buddy, you are looking at the perfect group of supporting characters for your new show. I mean, the one we couldn't help but overhear about." He smiled guiltily.

"Were you eavesdropping on us?" Heloise snarled, wiping dust off of her now-filthy gown.

"No _*cough* _we were _*cough* _we just happened to be listening on the outside of the house." An old, short, hunchbacked green troll walked in through the hole, still coughing from the plume of dust in the air. "You're _*cough* _really paranoid, aren't you?"

Heloise just glared angrily at the trio.

"Well I don't know who you guys are, but you're hired!" The man suddenly exclaimed. "So is this all of you?"

"Uh no," Dorkus cut in, "Mole-Mole's still outside."

"Who is that?" Jimmy asked, giggling at the name.

"Molotov," Samy explained, expelling the last of the dust from his lungs. "He's the one who fired the missile into your wall. Uh… accidentally of course." He feigned a smile. "And then there's Jez, but she didn't want to come since she knew we'd probably end up getting all dusty."

"Perfect! Well this whole thing worked out great!" The man smiled in satisfaction.

"Speak for yourself." Lucius spat in disappointed annoyance. "If you need me I'll be drowning out my sorrows in alcohol." He grabbed three more wine coolers still chilling in the ice and then slumped out of the door.

Heloise sighed in resignation. "Ditto. See you guys later." She grabbed two of the wine coolers and followed behind the short red devil.

"Hey wait up guys! I wanna drown my sorrows too!" Jimmy shouted after them with a large smile. He picked up the entire cooler and ran to catch up to them.

"Whelp, I guess I'll see everyone on set next week then." The man declared happily before he strolled back out of the door.

"Sooo, what do you guys want to do now?" Beezy asked aloud.

"Let's go get something to eat." Samy sighed. "'Cause I know that's what you were thinking."

"Wow, you know me so well." The fat red monster giggled.

"I'm driving the tank!" Dorkus shouted in excitement, running back out the giant hole in the wall.

"Yeah right, like Molotov's ever gonna let that happen." Samy laughed, running after him.

"Wait for me! I'm no good at running!" Beezy wheezed, jogging after them.

* * *

><p>Well, that was extremely fun. I've had this idea for the show's pilot and concept idea in my head for a while now, so it feels really good to have it written up and finished. Hopefully the 8 minute pilot they did make will be released at some point in the future, but I'm not holding my breath. Special thanks (even though there's no way they're going to see this) to Sean Scott and Edward Kay for making and developing such a unique and great cartoon concept.<p> 


End file.
